I just posted a long reply to an anonymous supporter and now realize that it's a huge issue and I need to get it out. Please advise if this post is in the wrong place. I don't head over to Supporterville that often.
In short, I have had a stressful time, and I got a little depressed to the point of hardly eating and feeling fairly frustrated in life as hopeless. Several hits have knocked us down financially as a couple. It feels like someone is poking one needle after another into a voodoo doll of us and never seems to get bored in that pastime.
I'm just starting to come back. I had a kind of derealization feeling the whole week or so; nothing felt real. I felt very autopilot but I got through it at work. However I did get Shingles, yet again. So basically a sucky time.
My husband got the chance to do a bunch of overtime, so he's been gone most of the time.
Wednesday morning he woke up crying--very odd for him, who hardly ever remembers any dreams--because he had a very vivid, real, detailed, horrible dream in which I died horribly. It was so horrible that he can't tell me anything about it. In fact, later, if he thought about it or mentioned it, he started crying again.
He thinks it's because he's so tired from working so much OT. But he did say that he spends a good deal of time wondering if I'll be dead when he gets home from work. He is worried about suicide. I have never crossed that line.
It's worrying because my husband knows me better than I know myself. He says "Ouch" before I stub my toe, and he can tell the minute I dissociate or am not doing well.
I have been in a strange state lately, with my personality being sort of unstable, and I am aware that he may be unconsciously aware of my condition more than either of us is fully aware.
I was on my way to kill to myself the day he proposed. True story. It's literally like he is all that stands in the way. We will be married 18 years this December.
Can anyone say anything to help me come back down out of the tree I suddenly find myself in. I don't want to panic and over-react, nor do I want to miss any possible warnings. Is this something or nothing? I don't know. I'm kinda just feeling freaked out.
In short, I have had a stressful time, and I got a little depressed to the point of hardly eating and feeling fairly frustrated in life as hopeless. Several hits have knocked us down financially as a couple. It feels like someone is poking one needle after another into a voodoo doll of us and never seems to get bored in that pastime.
I'm just starting to come back. I had a kind of derealization feeling the whole week or so; nothing felt real. I felt very autopilot but I got through it at work. However I did get Shingles, yet again. So basically a sucky time.
My husband got the chance to do a bunch of overtime, so he's been gone most of the time.
Wednesday morning he woke up crying--very odd for him, who hardly ever remembers any dreams--because he had a very vivid, real, detailed, horrible dream in which I died horribly. It was so horrible that he can't tell me anything about it. In fact, later, if he thought about it or mentioned it, he started crying again.
He thinks it's because he's so tired from working so much OT. But he did say that he spends a good deal of time wondering if I'll be dead when he gets home from work. He is worried about suicide. I have never crossed that line.
It's worrying because my husband knows me better than I know myself. He says "Ouch" before I stub my toe, and he can tell the minute I dissociate or am not doing well.
I have been in a strange state lately, with my personality being sort of unstable, and I am aware that he may be unconsciously aware of my condition more than either of us is fully aware.
I was on my way to kill to myself the day he proposed. True story. It's literally like he is all that stands in the way. We will be married 18 years this December.
Can anyone say anything to help me come back down out of the tree I suddenly find myself in. I don't want to panic and over-react, nor do I want to miss any possible warnings. Is this something or nothing? I don't know. I'm kinda just feeling freaked out.
