Relationship Husband with ptsd

[Mach123]

My wife has always done this. My kids, my eldest daughter especially, acknowledges it. You can't force them though. All you can do is walk away. I'm dealing with this right now. My youngest and my wife are doing this dance, creating a story, weaving a narrative and they try and assign me my part.

Problem is, I know the story and at the end I'm the bad guy.

How to not get angry? Especially when you feel so wounded. Explaining it is futile. For me i have to stop taking, don't participate, walk away.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

However, I feel that his thoughts about our past and present are overly negative and I don’t know how to address this. His perception and my perception of our life together do not match and it is causing a lot of conflict. He finds it difficult to let go of past hurts (not from me but from others) but blames me for not doing more to protect him or to move our life forward.
I feel so confused because the way he speaks about his life is such a mess, but I don’t feel this way at all. I don’t know how much is because of his ptsd or if I am just going around with blinkers on. He is so resentful and angry about how things have turned out and blames me for not putting him first, when I feel I have done everything he wanted to do except permanently emigrate.
I love him loads but I think the only way I can show this is by putting myself in an uncomfortable position so then he will feel i have truly put him first.

I would say this. His feelings are vaild but that does not mean that's reality. Feelings are feelings. They don't represent the reality of things. If that makes sense.

His feelings about you not putting him first are vaild feelings, but that does not mean it is the reality. It does not mean you actually didn't put him first. It just means he feels that you haven't. And that's ok. Does that make sense?

Your feelings are also vaild. And they should be allowed space. As does his.

Have you guys tried couples counseling? It can be really helpful to create a space where each can tell the other your feelings of different topics and why, if known, and know that its a space of understanding, acceptance, and a safe space. You can learn a lot by doing that.

But, if you seperate reality from feelings, that can help a ton!