Hypervigilance

[Lori-ann]

Sometimes I'll be talking to people online from other forums and they'll send me really weird metaphorical statements(artsy types), and more often then not they get interperated to a 'death-threat'. It's like the bright eyes lyric "If you don't understand something it's best to be afraid". I'll admit I lived somewhat of a seedy life as a minor, getting into "trouble" and what not...

But it's so hard for me to think people don't want to 'get' me. Does anyone else suffer from hypervigilance? If so what do you do to maintain it? I really, really wanna be able to get into a relationship with someone I think I love, but this always holds me back from opening up for three years now.

Oh gosh! I am going through something quite similar right now. I'm glad to hear its a part of the process, but sorry it is happening to you as well, as I know how disabling and powerless it can make you feel. Also, for me, I don't want to sound like a crazy person, so I keep my thoughts to myself about it. Sort of underneath not wanting to appear crazy is a fear that, if I am right and the person finds out, things coudl get really bad.

It's been a few year since my abuse from my ex-husband, but it was sever and went on for years. I am recently in contact with him somewhat as he has been emailing my kids and that's when I felt my symptoms re-emerge. I thought I was so much more healthy than I actually am.

Thanks for this sharing and happy to be here at this forum.
Lori-ann

 

[missd84]

Lori-Ann, I am sorry you are struggling with this aspect of PTSD right now. It is very disabling and just downright exhausting. I also suffered domestic violence, in addition to rape, and I would be retriggered if any of the pepetrators tried to contact me. You definitely are not crazy for feeling like that! I still suffer with the hypervigilance. I have become quite the night owl because a part of me thinks if I am awake at night, I can protect myself. I sleep with a hammer under my bed. When I go out in public, I am constantly scoping out danger. If hypervigilance is what it takes for me to feel safe, then I guess I'd rather have that than being too trusting like I was before.

 

[Lori-ann]

Ah, sorry to hear this missd84, but I know what you mean. I slept with hammers, knives etc under my pillow for years as well as baseball bats and steel bars by the front door. So, looks like I am moving forward, if slowly.

 

[Anna]

I am very hypervigilant, but I see this as being a positive thing. I always look for escape routes in every room and I can catch things when they fall very fast. It is like being constantly on guard all the time.

The problem is I jump very easy and get startled sometimes even crying out. Most annoying is when I get an attack of the shakes. I pass this off as being very nervous or shy, so far it has worked.

Downside is I sleep very light. I wake at the slightest sound. Also need to go to the bathroom 4-5 times a night which is annoying. Sometimes if people are looking at me, like a sixth sense I know and will turn around and stare at them. They seem shocked by it.

 

[Lori-ann]

Downside is I sleep very light. I wake at the slightest sound. Also need to go to the bathroom 4-5 times a night which is annoying. Sometimes if people are looking at me, like a sixth sense I know and will turn around and stare at them. They seem shocked by it.

Gosh this is so much like me!