I’m not sure how to get through it

[Strangelongtrip]

I’ve been slowly spiraling towards this but last night it was really bad and then I had nightmares for the first time in months, two or three of them. I woke up this morning and was just....depression had overtaken me. It didn’t hit me until about an hour ago: today is the anniversary of the last time my abusive ex raped me. The worst one, and then he told everyone and made fun of how I reacted, which got back to me through a “friend”. I’ve been obsessing about my body.

I have work all weekend although that may help, it’s pet sitting with awesome animals. It’s just a LOT of animals. 7 in one house, lots of animals. I wish I hadn’t agreed to it. I could potentially back out of it but I’d feel really bad. I just want to lay in bed. I don’t want to do all of this stuff. I have another thing to do for school too. Last time I was this bad I withdrew from school. I don’t want to do it this time and I’m hoping it doesn’t last as long. I guess this was kind of a rant?

I’ve reached out to one friend but they’re busy and dealing with a lot and I have another friend I can reach out to but idk if I should. I just don’t really want to be alone.

 

[LuckiLee]

Oh honey. I feel for you! Good job reaching out here. Thanks for letting us know what's going on. I have no words of wisdom just don't want you to feel alone right now. Yep, go babysit those critters. They're like kids and will probably even get you to laugh. What happened to you doesn't define you. It defines him. Put your energy into your school project and show yourself some kindness while you're at it. You deserve it. Much love and support coming your way. XO

 

[Strangelongtrip]

Thank you so much @LuckiLee! I got here about an hour ago and feel somewhat better, I played ball with the biggest dog and he's just hilarious. The dogs treat me like I'm the coolest person on earth the entire weekend they won't stop being excited I'm here. They keep bringing me toys too. There's also four kittens and they're so cute. I feel so lucky I have this job, and my clients are so sweet.

I also picked up a stronger medicinal in pen form just in case I have another bad episode, which made me feel safer to have something to help just in case.

I'm doing so much better than last year, and so much better than the year before that when I wasn't even admitting what happened to me. I'm going to celebrate on the 24th 3 years free of him!!

 

[MrMoonlight]

so great you are feeling better. anniversaries are really difficult for a lot of people. we are coming up on one of the bigger ones with Christmas approaching.

It's good to know that having an extra pen available gives you peace of mind. The dogs seemed to have a really big impact on your sense of wellbeing. At least a good counter to some symptoms. I'd be great if you could get an animal if you don't have one of your own or more playing with friends animals.?

Animals have a way of doing that for me too.

 

[Strangelongtrip]

@MrMoonlight yes I have a dog at home! She’s a family pet but I’ve taught her tasks to mitigate my PTSD like panic attack response and heart rate alert, so like a service dog. She’s mostly trained for public access but I don’t use her for it anymore. She’s happier helping at home! They’re really amazing creatures.

 

[ms spock]

It is great that you reached out, and talked with us! Great stuff! You are important! Every person is important.

I am not sure what pen you are talking about but glad that you have it.

You turned up! You went to look after the animals, and that is so great!

Congratulations on your anniversary, and getting through this moment and for getting away from your ex abusive partner. Great stuff!