I am Angry!

[shiraz]

I have been battling to feel any anger at all, but tonight it is here - angry, blinding - out of control - rage and I don't know what to do with myself!! I smashed a couple of kitchen things then played ice-hockey with them against the wall with the broom instead of cleaning up .. who is this person?

Forget why it began, forget why it started - I can't control it! I left the house for a couple of hours 'cause I thought I was going to strangle someone! Yes, at last I feel ANGRY - this is what it is like to be ANGRY, it is somehow liberating to allow myself to lose control like this - but I am going to do some damage to my relationships!

How do I let go and feel it - AND - keep it under control?

:mad::crazy::wall::stupid::mad: #@%### these smilies are too lame - I need RAGE!

 

[DLadi]

Shiraz,

You have to let it out somehow... write it down. Even if you are scribbling and the pen is eating its way through the paper (ask me how I know)... just keep writing. Reach deep and put it all down... keep scribbling while your music is blaring in the background. Do it now
hugs- if I could get that close

 

[Deleted member 541]

Anthony will tell you that anger isn't an emotion, but a response to another emotion.... he's right, so what is it that is really bothering you. What feeling(s) are you really feeling. Inadequate, hurt, feeling unloved, ect, ect. It will be easier for you to figure out what the real issues are, so that you can deal with it in a better way than rage or anger which are negative emotions...

But hell yes it does feel good to throw a fit now and then.....

 

[TLight]

She Cat;
That really helped me. I threw a huge rage the other day and think I lost a friend..........I was hurt by something she said while I was being triggered by a guy stalking me. Felt like she was blaming me........boy, I couldn't stop the rage attack..........

Just went and saw her after it took me awhile to stabilize again. She knows I have PTSD. Her body language was really uncomfortable. I apologized immediately after the rage..........but I think they really realize I"m 'mental' now and it scares them.

I think I can pretty much write them off. Sucks.

 

[midi]

Aye, those bouts of rage do scare people. It's so bloody hard to control sometimes...

 

[Nicolette]

but I think they really realize I"m 'mental' now and it scares them.

TLight, I sit on the other side of the fence and I would tend to think it's not a case of you being 'mental' that is scary but the actual rage. If you see anyone really angry and they go off the deep end it can make you assess what 'that person' would be capable of doing to you.

When a person demonstrates a loss of control of themselves which involves anger/rage/violence it can be very frightening. As it is uncontrolled it is not predictable so then the other person starts to act cautiously, being on back foot for protection (closed body language), rather than open with trust.

 

[pandora]

Punching or screaming into a pillow will help you get your rage out. Also a punching bag if you are physically able. Or use the anger to good use and join a self defence course. Just an idea. I used to power walk but with my back cannot...soon, I hope. I would turn the headphones on loud and walk until my legs burned...that helped too.

Also there is a reason behind the anger and you need to find out what that is...if you keep writing, analyzing and doing positive self-reflection it will all start to come together slowly. It has been years for me. But most things are relating...like I made that bad decision because......his happened because.......I didn nothing wrong and this proves it........I am a good person....list positive attributes.......And yes I KNOW CLICHE....If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I am not to that point yet...may have squeezed a few lemons though..ha ha.

 

[Mina]

I second the idea on the punching bag, although me and my out-of-control anger often start wicked, wicked fights with DH. :rolleyes: I am trying to stop doing that. Everlast makes a decent bag, and they sell stands as well if you don't have a place to hang it. Sometimes I will just hit and hit and hit in a rather blind rage until I'm just too tired to continue.

Pandora, here's the funniest "lemonade" quote I've ever heard:
"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone whose life has given them vodka, and throw a party."
That one always cracks me up!

 

[pandora]

That is cute!

 

[TLight]

Yes, that's definately the feeling I got today. She is not as trusting now.

I'm not sure what to do. It's not my fault, but then again, I have to try and find a way to intercept it. I'm working on it with my therapist on Monday. I feel shame for my outburst, but I was just so hurt, so very hurt.