I Am Frustrated With Jumping Through Hoops

[MomOfTwo]

I don't know how you can recover or expect to recover when you are fighting a system that wants to deny everyone.

I have to fight my employer originally then the insurance. I have a lawyer as well that is costing me way too much money.

Even though a pyschiatrist has said it will be years before I am ready to be working full time I still have the insurance harassing me. They wanted an in home assessment done and my doctor sent a report saying I was not medically ready for that and he will reassess me in a couple of months. I went to a psychiatrist that they recommended as well and she said I would not be ready for years to return to work full time. I had some cognitive testing done as well and I am functioning in the very low precentile for everything except language. They psychiatrist I saw over several sessions said she did not think I was capable of working even just based on my testing that the insurer recommended. I had to push to get the results of the testing. The pychiatrist told me that they did not want me to have the results because it is plain to see that my cognitive function is directly related to the PTSD.

Well I got a call from the lady regarding assessing me today and I asked her if the insurance told her that my doctor sent a letter stating that I am not to be assessed. She went to say she wasn't assessing me. I said and I quoted a letter from the insurance that she was going to be doing that. She said well I don't understand how you can not be medically ok for an assessment. I said I am not and that is my doctor and therapist feel than and if you want to call them go ahead. I felt bullied. She said she has never been given that reason before.

I feel sick after speaking to her. I don't trust anyone. I can barely function and look after my children and do not look after me very well. Hanging by a thread it feels like most times.

I have done nothing wrong. My employer bullied and sexually harassed me for years and I developed PTSD as a result. I grew up in an environment where control and physical, mental, emotional abuse happened. As well my pedophile uncle lived in my home but I do not remember him abusing me but he did my sister and brother. I guess that combined history has made recovery harder. I went to college and got good grades and all my experiences I neatly put in boxes in the back of my mind and did not let those define me. It was the workplace that broke me and shattered me as it was the same sort of thing I grew up in probably.

I am probably going to be cut off by the insurer once again. It took me several months of assessments and letters from the lawyer to get put back on again. I want to be working again but only when I feel capable, my therapist and doctor as well.

I get sick of it all and just want to crawl under a rock and not exist. The cycle of bullying continues. I feel like like I am so focused and stressed about the insurer that it just sets me back in my therapy.

Anyone else experience this or going through the same thing?

 

[GreenFrog2]

(((MomOfTwo)))

I had to stop jumping through the hoops to get help. It was so debilitating for me to do this, and stopped me from being able to look after myself. It was like being traumatized all over again, and I also wanted to crawl under a rock and not exist. It was so bad for me, so I stopped doing it.

Then I started putting my energy into finding and keeping a job, most of the time I don't know how I manage to cope doing it, but I hand I there as I need to income. My doc kept telling me to have a break, and she does not understand that I quite simply can't afford to do this. I even feel as if she is bullying me, and that it wont matter what I do, the very few people who are supposed to support me will always end up expecting more from me than is possible.

 

[Britt.f7]

I had to deal with this due to my chronic illness. But, when I look back, I realize my boss and my bosses boss were trying to get me to quit. I can not tell you how many times I burst into tears at my office. I developed TMJ, my depression got worse, my illness got worse.

I went on short term disability through the companies insurance. They actually handled it very well, though I would feel threatened when they called to check up on me. Not sure why. I also would notice cars parking nearby with a person in it and I have to say that I felt I was being spied on. Could have just been my paranoia, but I don't exactly live in a place where people normally park their cars because I am in a rural area.

The short term disability office, which was separate from the insurance, also would call. I asked if we could do emails. If I could do emails with my manager, because talking to her was really difficult and put me into a tizzy, and they said yes.

I definitely understand your feelings. When people, like the one who called you, say things like they do I try to remind myself they are just doing what their job requires. Unfortunately. I think, too, she was trying to pressure you.

Please try to remain firm. I had a choice between having the energy for either my kids or my job. My family won. I think you can call it that.

I wish you luck with all of this.