I Am Glad You Guys Are Here

[Jimmy1]

Londonacquisitio, no one is questioning your religion or your privacy. We are not bugging you or probing into your life.
We are here to help combat veterans with PTSD. We are not here to invade your privacy.

From the sounds of it, your emotions are very raw and your flashbacks are still very 'in your face'. From the sounds of it, your medication does not seem to be aiding you and your therapy is not really working.
For your own safety, I would suggest going to a Veterans Hospital. You do need help my friend.

This is only my suggestion.

Jimmy

 

[Sarg]

Welcome, L!
I do really feel your pain. The confusion. The noise, flashb., ect. However, you have made a very important decision...not to use booze or drugs. All they do is put off the pain for later. I know that for a fact.. I used to drink a welve pck and 1/3 rd bottle of Jack every night. Now that I don't drink that much anymore, the PTsD is getting worse. I just postponed everything for forty years.

Two, you're reaching out for help, VA, Mil, ect. Excellent! May I also recommend the Vet Center. The counelors there are combat Vets who have been there, done that. I also went to group there. All Vietnam Vets in my group but they will hook you up with a group from your war.

Of most concern to me is how close you say you come to harming yourself or others. I don't know if it will work for you but when I get to that point, I shut everything down, I stop talking, if others are talking to me, I raise my hand palm towards them, indicating for them to stop talking. I quit what I'm doing with my hands. I try to empty my mind of everything. And do that for as long as it takes to settle things down a bit.

I callit "the scream". It's not really entirely noise, it's the rush of outside stimuli of al kinds and it pushes us in to making not well thought out decisions. I imagine that there are Vets in prison for that very reason. The "scream" overpowered so much that they reacted in a manner that got them in to trouble.

Keep coming here, ask any question you like (there really aren't any stupid questions, when you're talking PTSD).

Good luck, L.

Sarg

 

[Brian Jones]

Welcome to the forum! Brother were here for you. I have been real lucky as I have had a decent support group once I figured out what was wrong with me. So my advice to you would be to get a good support group. The guys above have given out some good suggestions, and of course here can help alittle.

I really have reservations saying this, as I know what I would say to someone suggesting it, but if you are having flashback and such that last several days at a time you may need to look into a hospital that you can stay at till you can get a better hold. The reason I suggest this is that I had several flashbacks while I was in my car, all of a sudden I was driving toward the highway of death, I came to after my (ex)wife had grabbed the wheel and saved us from an accident... See where I am going?

 

[Londonacquisition]

I agree with things you say. Even to this day I am so surprised that this happened to me. Never in a million years did i think that i would have this ptsd. Sorry if I sound angry at times. Really it is frustration. I will start behavirol health in loma lina va in murrieta on may 6. but honestly just talking to you guys makes me feel so much better. knowing that i am not making any of this worse. knowing that this is just part of the healing process. knowing that other vets are here to help is great.

 

[Brian Jones]

It's deffently a "man hit" on our typical psyche, I still avoid the subject in public, but since I stood up and said I was tired of doing this and looked for help I have felt so much better.

The 2 biggest hurdles for me was looking for help before it killed me and letting my loved ones in.

 

[brodes]

Welcome

 

[willis williams]

L, is it inpatient that you are starting on may 6th. I did it for five weeks and learned a lot about myself and got some serious help on just about everything. What ever kind it is good on you for taking the steps to managing your symptoms. Good luck and hope they canhelp in the management of your flashbacks.

 

[Londonacquisition]

Thanks for the support. I really need it. So many of the vets here contact me and reply. Wow I never kew how many of us were out there until I joined this forum. To keep my memory from turning into mush. I have been Lear in a lot of how my apple laptop works including my iPhone 4. It really helps on ly concentration. It really does help. Ni need to say one main thingwhen I was discharged I was a ware that I would be in a certain type of program. It is different then most. I wish my real medical providers could talk to me. I am not saying evryday or when either of us want. I am just sayin when I have my appointments. Anyways this past week it was a good for me to go to the STD in riverside or whatever it was called. After 3 days of no sleep and hallucinations I just could not take it anymore. I got some sleep sleeps medications and got to talk to some doctors. It really helped. I fell so much better. One thing that i had been thinking about a lot is that we were never given any type of PTSD training by te military. When I first found out about it was when I got help at the r&r center in UBH. I mean I talked to some other combat vets and they gave me a vage description. It was apparent to me that they didn't know what it was either. The thought of I wish I knew about PTSD when I was deployed does cross my mind. But that is the past. What I am grateful for everyday is that I got he help I needed. I miss my brothers ald sisters in arms so much. Specially te dead ones. They mean so much to me. There are times that I cry for about 30 minutes thinking about all the hell that me and hem saw and experienced. I don't show my real emotions infront of people specially if I don't know them. I really need to move on with ly life. So I do my best to keep ly PTSD world a secret. I don't let anyone in my life anymore. Everyone is an operative everyone is an informant that wants to f*ck me over. I have family in Madrid Spain and in costa rica. I have not been allowed to talk to them for a long time. I really want to see my cousins in Madrid Spain. I told tem about 3 years ago that I would go see them in january 2012. I have alot of family in Rome Italy. I went to see them in 2006. I never tell my family members that I am going to see them. I love to surprise them. If I go to Spain in januay 2012 in Madrid I will do the same. It is much more exciting that way. I just show up a
D say hello.

 

[Jimmy1]

L, everyone on here is willing to help. Just as long as you know that nearly everyone on here suffer as well and sometimes have their own demons to deal with.
The same as the carers/supporters, some of them will give you support; however, the majority of them have their own partner or family member to deal with.
Keep asking your questions and we will endeavor to help if we can.

Jimmy

 

[Jimmy1]

Hey L, know one knows who you are. But can I ask who you served with??? Para, recon, tank, sniper, etc. Where you served, Baghdad, Mosul, Kirkuk, etc.