I am my own worst enemy - Media triggering anxiety induced insomnia & nightmares

[DogTired]

It goes like this. I was a news junkie until this latest relapse into PTSD.
So I forced myself to cut back to a quick glance at the headlines, the weather, and the lottery numbers.
Which was working but my past keeps on cropping up by way of old buds checking in.
We all do it but occasionally their chat triggers thoughts of 'what was' and like a fool in I go to check on what is happening today.
Being a vet, it's sort of default to go to vet run sites and a lot of them are watching where I got broken.
Add a bit of chatter and BANG. I'm back, into flashbacks and nightmares hyper everything and it's all my own doing.
Add news about old friends who have started pushing up daisy's and pop goes my remaining braincell.
Yet, it's good to keep in touch, to have a laugh, or cry, and that's what some vets do. We lean on the support from old friends and allow them to do that to us.

 

[Movingforward10]

It's hard breaking habits and patterns. Particularly ones that come from these types of places.

Can you build in distractions. If you feel you want to do A, can you replace it with B?
Or say to yourself, I'll wait 5 minutes or 2 minutes or whatever to see if the urge goes away. And in the meantime, do something else that helps with the energy of this.

 

[arfie]

empathy, dogtired. the therapy sessions which guided me into acceptance of my news addiction took place in the '70's. half a century later, the addiction still plagues me. one headline is too many, a million is not enough.

buttttttttaaaaaa. . . balance in all things. complete news blackouts equate to living with my head in the sand. how sad is it that i only discovered last week that biden dropped out of the presidential race? who is this kamala harris?

my attempt to balance my recovery needs with the need to stay informed is to do my own research instead of simply ingesting whatever verbal vomit the media ratings race is spewing at me. enter the procrastination demon. it's on my round-to-it list. . .

sigh. . . always something, huh?

 

[Friday]

Personal RULE : If I care? I have to DO something.

Which translates into… if I cannot, or will not, do something? I cannot care. (Or I lose my everlovin mind. Been there. Done that. Too many times. It’s a HARD NO).

Sadly, I can’t shut my emotions off in targeted ways??? If I care, I damn well do f*ckin care. So around news -and other things- I revert to old habits (you know how when you’re deployed and come back and have no f*cking clue about anything “everyone” knows & cares about? Meanwhile what they “know” about where you’ve been is 99% BS? It’s that. Done on purpose instead of by default.)… and refuse to learn about things I care about.

Very first time it happened was the Thailand Tsunami. Before my son was born, I’d have been out the door in 10 minutes flat. Instead? I had a baby in one arm, the phone in the other to make arrangements, and I stopped. Looked down. Knew I COULDN’T trust my husband with our child. My parents I did, but we have conflicting views on more than a few things, including my running off to disasters & countries in conflict, so they WOULDN’T make it possible to leave. And set the phone down. (And cried, one of the seven times I’d cried in my adult life, until PTSD came back a decade later). I was trapped, by my own damn self. Because I had to choose between my son &… everything else. And chose him. Rightfully. I never have, and doubt I ever could, regret or resent choosing him. But it left me f*cked in the head/heart.

So I shut the computer off (I’d seen footage from tourists online, even before the media picked it up a couple hours later, because media hadn’t quite caught up way back when), detached the cable from the TV so it could only play DVDs. And left the room the moment ANYONE brought up Thailand. Complete blackout. Because I couldn’t not care. Which mean I HAD to do something. But was CHOOSING not to. So I had to black it out to not shred myself. Not because I thought I’d change my mind, or anything, but because it was just plain survival mode. I made my choice, it was the right one, and I refused to put myself through the pain/rage/grief/gutting to no purpose.

Over the next 10 years? It became a way to live, and live well. I COULD stay informed, as long as I EITHER acted, or didn’t care. If I couldn’t act -or- not care? It’s only gossip. Not useful.

It’s hurricane season right now, and I’m still sick as hell instead of IN IT up to my eyeballs. So I’m not following the news. November? I almost never follow the news (bad bad bad time of year for me). Most of the time? I can cheerfully follow the news. Because it’s not gossip. It’s something I will act on, if I care about it. Or not, if I don’t. Peace of mind maintained. Sense of self maintained. Honor & Integrity maintained. All of which I’ve learned to care about FAR more than most things. Including “knowing” (99% bullshit) what others are DOING.

IDFK if any of this helps… but it was my path, so if any of it is useful? Take it. If not? No worries.

 

[Friday]

Mod Note: Did you mean this in sleep & nightmares? I can absolutely see how it would affect your sleep & nightmares; but as neither have been mentioned, we can move this to another forum for you, easy as. Simply click report post, and Staff can nip it over into General -for multiple issues- for you.

 

[abovedown]

Personal RULE : If I care? I have to DO something.

Which translates into… if I cannot, or will not, do something? I cannot care. (Or I lose my everlovin mind. Been there. Done that. Too many times. It’s a HARD NO).

Sadly, I can’t shut my emotions off in targeted ways??? If I care, I damn well do f*ckin care. So around news -and other things- I revert to old habits (you know how when you’re deployed and come back and have no f*cking clue about anything “everyone” knows & cares about? Meanwhile what they “know” about where you’ve been is 99% BS? It’s that. Done on purpose instead of by default.)… and refuse to learn about things I care about.

Very first time it happened was the Thailand Tsunami. Before my son was born, I’d have been out the door in 10 minutes flat. Instead? I had a baby in one arm, the phone in the other to make arrangements, and I stopped. Looked down. Knew I COULDN’T trust my husband with our child. My parents I did, but we have conflicting views on more than a few things, including my running off to disasters & countries in conflict, so they WOULDN’T make it possible to leave. And set the phone down. (And cried, one of the seven times I’d cried in my adult life, until PTSD came back a decade later). I was trapped, by my own damn self. Because I had to choose between my son &… everything else. And chose him. Rightfully. I never have, and doubt I ever could, regret or resent choosing him. But it left me f*cked in the head/heart.

So I shut the computer off (I’d seen footage from tourists online, even before the media picked it up a couple hours later, because media hadn’t quite caught up way back when), detached the cable from the TV so it could only play DVDs. And left the room the moment ANYONE brought up Thailand. Complete blackout. Because I couldn’t not care. Which mean I HAD to do something. But was CHOOSING not to. So I had to black it out to not shred myself. Not because I thought I’d change my mind, or anything, but because it was just plain survival mode. I made my choice, it was the right one, and I refused to put myself through the pain/rage/grief/gutting to no purpose.

Over the next 10 years? It became a way to live, and live well. I COULD stay informed, as long as I EITHER acted, or didn’t care. If I couldn’t act -or- not care? It’s only gossip. Not useful.

It’s hurricane season right now, and I’m still sick as hell instead of IN IT up to my eyeballs. So I’m not following the news. November? I almost never follow the news (bad bad bad time of year for me). Most of the time? I can cheerfully follow the news. Because it’s not gossip. It’s something I will act on, if I care about it. Or not, if I don’t. Peace of mind maintained. Sense of self maintained. Honor & Integrity maintained. All of which I’ve learned to care about FAR more than most things. Including “knowing” (99% bullshit) what others are DOING.

IDFK if any of this helps… but it was my path, so if any of it is useful? Take it. If not? No worries.

I remember the December 2004 tsunami. Which was horrible to those directly affected by it. And then news didn't talk about anything else for a week. I remember even seeing floating bodies in news reels which imho is not about telling news, it's just get those extra clicks media survives on. Or when they send real time film about burying covid victims in mass graves

 

[DogTired]

Mod Note: Did you mean this in sleep & nightmares? I can absolutely see how it would affect your sleep & nightmares; but as neither have been mentioned, we can move this to another forum for you, easy as. Simply click report post, and Staff can nip it over into General -for multiple issues- for you.

The effects of what can be seen and heard in the media is at times a hard trigger to anxiety when trying to get to sleep. Let alone a trigger for nightmares.
After all the media positively droll when violence, death, and destruction are uncovered. Add reporters (sometimes exaggerated) "take" on what actually happened?
While some reports may be worth a few lines to the general sheeple.
Some who have lived through conflict, still live the effects of their experiences, be it on paper or screen.

 

[abovedown]

empathy, dogtired. the therapy sessions which guided me into acceptance of my news addiction took place in the '70's. half a century later, the addiction still plagues me. one headline is too many, a million is not enough.

buttttttttaaaaaa. . . balance in all things. complete news blackouts equate to living with my head in the sand. how sad is it that i only discovered last week that biden dropped out of the presidential race? who is this kamala harris?

my attempt to balance my recovery needs with the need to stay informed is to do my own research instead of simply ingesting whatever verbal vomit the media ratings race is spewing at me. enter the procrastination demon. it's on my round-to-it list. . .

sigh. . . always something, huh?

Finding the equinrivium between being informed whole not being overwhelmed by the news is tricky got me

 

[arfie]

@abovedown i had to look up, "equinrivium." doctor google wants to know if you meant, "equilibrium."

the only thing harder than finding equilibrium is maintaining equilibrium, especially when attempted at a global awareness level.

 

[abovedown]

Dr Google is right

 

[Friday]

The effects of what can be seen and heard in the media is at times a hard trigger to anxiety when trying to get to sleep. Let alone a trigger for nightmares.

Aside from the obvious (taking media breaks, only “keeping up to date” via the 1-2 lines the AP puts out, *special-interest-only-media rather than “all the news”)…

…are there times of day, or patterns (like news before gym, or news before drinks with the guys, etc. that allow things to percolate & process without coming back to bite), that allow you unfettered media binges without paying the consequences at night?

* Special Interest Only = setting filters to sports, art heists, science, etc.

 

[DogTired]

Aside from the obvious (taking media breaks, only “keeping up to date” via the 1-2 lines the AP puts out, *special-interest-only-media rather than “all the news”)…

…are there times of day, or patterns (like news before gym, or news before drinks with the guys, etc. that allow things to percolate & process without coming back to bite), that allow you unfettered media binges without paying the consequences at night?

* Special Interest Only = setting filters to sports, art heists, science, etc.

Thanks for your reply.
Never seems to be one trigger time, it's mainly the content, and by the time I've cottoned on to what that is. . . . it's too late.
Yet, me actively browsing the news IS KEPT to headlines, ticker tape style now, for about 5 minutes twice a day, and boy has it been hard to keep to that.
One key click in error and up pops a typical trashy news video (if it bleeds it leads, sort of thing).

Except the wife does read the news and when something grabs her interest, we talk about it.
Occasionally, and unintentionally, the content is a trigger.
BUT, I've always encouraged her to "keep informed" and for good reason with recent events in the UK and Europe.

Now the bad bit. I have a few ex-mil friends, and their topic of conversation (outside of how bad things have got in the UK) is what they have read.
Occasionally it's "places and things of interest and my past life". Sometimes it jogs a memory.

Media is everywhere in the UK, in cafe's it's talked about, on front pages in bold print, radio, even junk mail (usually from charities).
Not to forget the fools listening to news broadcasts on their Smart phones while walking past you in the streets.

I so want to get back to living on a boat. There, the silence and our days were controllable.
The only dangerous time was when we went shopping.
Too many people, too much advertising and talk about what's been broadcast or splashed on the Newspaper Front Pages.

However. having written all that, I need to know, in broad strokes, what is going on as keeping informed is to be forewarned about potential threats.