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Its sounds trite to say I am sorry for what you are going through; the man I loved and know for 3 years, 3 months ago declared he loved and has always done so. Since then has came off his ptsd medication and not seeking help in any shape or form. While he was on his meds he was affectionate, playful, flirtatious, generous, complimentary, charming. It took about 4 weeks for me to see the change in him. I begged him to see a doctor, psychologist, therapist but the answer is always 'time will heal me'. He said he 'just wanted to be normal'. Eight years of ptsd should tell him there is no cure, only managing. At least you are seeking help because you know you need that help. I've never had depression so I can't get inside someone's head to see what goes on but from seeing the man I love hurting, changing into another person entirely, rude, cold, hostile, silent, angry, now three months after he came off his meds I hardly recognise him. We shared a bed for the first time six weeks ago and he could not do anything. The following week I stayed overnight and he hugged the edge of the bed and did not want to be hugged or touched. That broke my heart. Now he has cut himself off from me completely. I see he is on facebook but never leaves me any word on my page that he has any interest in me or anything I post. I can see that you are angry. And you sound very like my, I shall call him, ex. Get help in any way you can, don't wait for those damn appointments, I'm not a therapist but Ive seen up close what happens when you come off meds. There is no cure for PTSD only managing it. Make it your mission to help yourself, albeit taking up art - do it for the child hiding away inside you to let her know you, the adult, are going to take care of everything. Painting has been known to lift those black clouds above your head. Yoga, exercise, meditation - dont let yourself slip into this pit of anger and lack of hope, There is hope. Dont wait for the 'professionals'. Reach out to local groups in your area, local classes, dancing, music, arts, local walking groups, anything that will distract you. You will find them if you take the time to look. Good luck and love to you friend. xxx
Thank you for your kind words. I very much appreciate it.