I Am Seeing My Ex Again And Need Advice About Her Behaviour.

[njray]

Ironbird,

Tried to get a feel for your dilema here. Sorry i might be missing something in not only reading the posts in this thread but others you placed but i might suggest you step back from her as trying to be a boy friend and become more of a supportive career friend. It is great you seem to have care for her but from the posts of yours i have read I think you would be better for her as one as a person that might just want to help her to manage her issues better, I might be rough (and it might be tough for both or you) but i think you should explain to her that you do care about her well being but she needs to address her concerns through professionals to which you support, I suggest for your own well being as well that you might step back a little and seek maybe a support group for carreers and concentrate on you a little.

I get you wanting to help maybe but to be honest I think she needs a professionals help more than just a crutch. Again remain friends with her but get her the real help she needs.

 

[Srain]

Hey Ironbird, I'm glad to see you again though I'm sorry you seem to be suffering still with this relationship. I know it can be difficult and confusing when you are so close to a situation and your feelings are strong. I don't know if you remember but it was suggested that maybe you could use some professional support for yourself. What I read in your post is a lot of trying to read her mind and frustration. She has some serious issues and you are suffering as well. It might be a good idea to think about focusing on yourself as well here. Often when we spend too much time focusing on the other person we trip up and miss what it is we are contributing to the situation.

Please take good care,
Rain

 

[njray]

Hey Srain,

I think we are in agreement. I am curious what others suggest for Ironbird.

 

[ironbird]

I have agree about stepping back and just being there for her but she wants to be in a relationship with me. I want to be in one with her.... its hard... I have just been well and truely confused when she told me she wouldn't be bothered if I went off with another girl but only if she knew about it... that is an oxymoron... I figured she was just logically stating what a normal girl would say due to her Alexithymia as that is an issue for them.

I have started going to counselling myself for a multitude of reasons apart from this relationship and so far things are going well with that.

Srain, since I spoke to you last, things between her and I were actually going ok. I was talking to you during the period we weren't talking for about a week. She ended up coming over on a saturday and staying the night. It was a good night. I cried with her about my mother and she said that brought us closer. She cried when she saw me cry and we were just cuddling under the covers.The only other time she has cried in 10 years was with me when she told me it was her brother who was raped her.

However, since then she has changed around our plans twice, and then the third time "forgot to call me". I kept thinking about what everyone in the chat was telling me about how shes just using me regardless of her PTSD and decided impulsively to send that message. As you said though, if you like someone then you be with them.

I asked her if she felt an infatuation with me and she said she couldn't describe it but she has feelings for me and wants to be with me. I know it sounds like I' am making reasons for her but I have noticed she has a hard time describing her feelings/emotions whilst stressed. She makes them sound mechanical and cold but when shes relaxed and asked, she will sound like a normal girl with feelings for me.

Does the ability to describe your emotions fade with heightened stress for some of you guys?

Thanks for all your replies.