I Am Selfish & I Hate It

[bittersweet]

My husband got denied a manager position at his job but they then told him they have bigger and better plans for him. For that I truly am happy for him. He deserves it. They want to send him out on the opposite side of the country for a week to go to this company get together and that's where my problem/selfishness starts. I have never been without my husband...he is the only thing that keeps me grounded and from doing things that would not be kind to myself. I am terrified that if I lose it while he's gone, that's it. I'm done. I recently have relapsed a bit and this untimely trip is really hitting me hard. I know my reaction to hearing about him upset him and I really didn't want to. I even tried lying about what was upsetting me but he knew. He thinks that I'm not happy for him even though I am. I just have no handle on stress and anxiety anymore and when the one thing that keeps me sane is gone, I am an absolute wreck...I have no one to stay with either during this time so I don't know what to do with myself.

Sorry I just needed to rant....

 

[simplekindofgirl]

Bittersweet- I can understand this reaction and feeling more than I can explain. Is there any chance that you can go with him and make a mini vacation out of it for yourself?

Maybe we, as a group can come up with some things for you to do with your time and help you to be pre-occupied so that he can do what he needs to in order to succeed in his new "project" with work.

Start working on a photo album. Something with lots of happy moments of you and your husband, so that while he is away, he is still there in your mind creating that warm feeling as though he is present. If you have everything in digital, either use a photo sharing site so that you can share it with friends and family, or print them out and make it more of a memory album. Either way it will occupy your time with something close to him, and helping you to keep him close to your heart while he is away.

Find a recipe that you really want to try, and do it while he is gone. Something that pushes your skill level just a little, but is either gourmet or just something you always loved and had always wanted to try to do. Work on it to make it perfect. Then when he returns, celebrate by making him this perfect dinner- call it your "perfect" celebration meal. Or a cake for after dinner for a celebration of his success (and yours), as well as his safe his return.

Anyone else have any ideas?

 

[bittersweet]

Thank you. I will do my best to keep myself occupied and take some of your suggestions. Thank you for your support

 

[ThinkFeelBe]

I agree, with simplekindofgirl. Make a plan and find things to do. I suffer from anxiety and I was told to write scripts for meeting people, talking to people who i havent seen since i got sick, just comfortable situation - script it.
Fill you time with happy things that you enjoy and that you share with your husband when he gets back. Orgainse time for when you guys will speak to eachother on the phone... it might help you look forward to that. and maybe orgainse something special you guys are gonna do when he gets back, like having a special dinner together, so you can plan it while he is away. You can get creative with cooking, and setting something romantic up. This way, he will also know that you are very proud of his achievements.
xo

 

[Srain]

((((Bittersweet)))))

My husband is a HUGE part of my support system so I can imagine this would be extremely stressful and can identify with you on this. I think that having plans in place is a great idea, I have a regular schedule I try to keep with a plan B so that I don't stress myself to the point I meltdown. Having the dogs is extremely helpful for that. I don't know if you have pets but if not maybe?

Since it's the holiday season maybe some simple projects might be fun, something even for him each day he is gone to have for him when he gets home. I like doing things like this for my GrandBoys to send in the mail at odd times of the year - they don't have to cost much, maybe just printing a picture or baking something with a card you make - it's really taking the time to do it.

I'm big on watching light movies and this time of year there are a lot of them. It keeps my mind from going to paranoid places and helps with the panic..a big bowl of popcorn sans butter is easy on the waste line and can be chomped ongoing. (I'm not new to this gig ;) )

My thoughts are with you.
Peace,
Rain

 

[simplekindofgirl]

Oh my goodness SRain- pets! I miss my dog and cat so much that it hurts inside of my soul. :( UGH! They are such a huge part of me (and my therapy- they are the best supporters ever!) and I feel absolutely lost without them.

Another suggestion- find something in your home that needs improving or fixing, and work on it. Paint a room, or just one wall in a room. This gives you a change, gives you something to do, and can brighten up your home all at the same time.

 

[simplekindofgirl]

(((HUGS))) You guys/gals are amazing.

You can always just come on here and send a bunch of hugs. Doing that always makes me feel better.

 

[bittersweet]

Thank you everyone all of your support has made it possible for me to be a little less depressed. I started making a list of things to do and I am going to be getting my dog back from my dad (he was babysitting her while my knees recovered) and have her with me. Her crazy antics seem to always keep me busy. I'm still pretty upset about it but knowing I have everyone here I feel like I have some grip on my life. (((((((((((to everyone)))))))))))

 

[simplekindofgirl]

(((((Bittersweet))))) I know it is hard. My BF is out of town all week, every week, and it drives me out of my mind! it is hard to have a supporter who isn't there to support you, but it is only for a short time. For that you are lucky.

Plus we will all be here any time that you need us. Hugs, many hugs.

 

[Phoenix_Rising]

You're not alone... My partner (prev. fiance) and I split up at the end of August and are now back together... But we've agreed not to see each other until January, so that we could rebuild the love and especially the trust that was lost (on my part, mostly).

Although I am doing way better than before we got back together and started communicating again, I still am not functioning at anything resembling the level pre-split. And though we keep in touch via chatting each night online and occasional phone calls, it's not the same as having someone there to turn to in real life.

Before we split up I was so afraid, always... I didn't think I could survive the pain of that loss, or not having him to depend on. But when I had no choice, I learned I could. Because of that, we will have a healthier relationship.

As hard as it is, it might actually help you to learn that you can survive while he is gone (even if it is really hard, that month and a half was one of the worst times of my life, and I'd probably have seriously considered suicide if it had not been for my daughter). It's not easy... but looking back on it, you may find it helped you to realize that you were more resourceful than you thought, and that you could be more independent than you thought you could be. You can look back on it and realize that you are strong, and you made it. ...With a little help from your pets :)

 

[bittersweet]

Thank you Phonenix_Rising. You're right it is a test for me to learn I can make it on my own but wow is it one of my most difficult tests

 

[Phoenix_Rising]

It most certainly is... Couldn't agree more. It was for me, too.