I Am So Relieved To Live Without Looking Over My Shoulder Anymore.

[Deleted member 12723]

I used to live in an extremely dysfunctional small town. Gossip and rumors and innuendos abound. People on the community paper getting mad at all the ones who stayed away.

I lived such a long time looking over my shoulder waiting to bump into someone I did not like.

It really messed with my head so very much.

I finally moved out of that toxic community and now have full anonominity. I am so grateful to go places with this new kind of freedom and peace. I have no one bothering me here. For three years I had no friends except the people here on the forum. I was very isolated and lonely.

But today, I can go anywhere around here and blend in. I have a few friends right now which makes it so much better.

I feel both relief and peace of mind. I wish we could have moved away from them many years ago.

Has anyone here also moved away and now feel so much better?

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Congrats! (((Gizmo))), good post!
When I was in my teens, I lived in one of those towns, and the rumors....!!!! I had a TERRIBLE reputation, but though I was NOT an angel, by a long shot, I was not nearly as bad as people said! Parents wouldn't let their kids hang with ME!!! I was so shy that people at parties asked me if I talked!!!

Gossip is one of most deadly, cutthroat 'weapons' that people use against each other, and adults do it the most!!! Sad to say, churches are the WORST!!!

I'm happy for you, that you can be free to not worry about who you might run into. Life should be as peaceful as possible!!!

:hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Yes, churches are the worst and they never preach against it.

I tend to weed out of my life drama producing people.

I am starting over fresh now. Thank you for your words of support.

 

[Changing4Best]

Yes. In the last place I was in I had a best friend who I went to church with. Somehow, I guess because she and I were so close and did everything together, a rumor got started that we were a gay couple. She was so upset by this that she dropped me as a friend and moved to another church. The preacher in that church even preached regularly against gossip too! I stayed in that church for awhile, but eventually had the chance to move away from there. I did so. What a relief.

I have a few friends here now, and a less expensive apartment, so I have a bit more money to spend on things like the dentist, etc. The church I go to now is very friendly and no one gossips that I know of. So I guess not all churches are like that, thank God!

 

[Go Hungry]

Oh yeah, with ya on that one. My hometown was just this ridiculous craphole. I mean it was ludicrous the amount of bad that went on in this place. I would post specifics, but.. ah hell, this bunch can take it. Okay, for one thing it has some of the highest crime in the US, despite only having a pop of about 16k. Back when I was a kid, I remember there being a preacher who got caught with a teenager and claimed god told him to, an outbreak of VD among the local wifeswapping network, cocaine was the drug of choice in the highschool, and worst of all a funeral home director who lived down the street from me was caught robbing graves and doing *VERY BAD THINGS*

Let's put it this way, this town is so bad that there is a common belief that there is a demon buried out in the ground beneath it, because things are just that screwed up.

But yeah I had a similar fate there. I had a poor reputation, not as a bad boy but as a loser, and it was shared by children and adults alike. I couldn't get out of that town fast enough. It's always been a particular terror of mine that I might have to move back there ever again. I now in the downtown of a large city and couldn't be happier about it.

:woot: SCREW YOU, REDNECKS!! :woot:

 

[silkleaves]

Goodness @SheilaKathy what a rude assumption to come to simply because two women become close friends! And in my world...who even *cares* if you were gay. How is that even fodder for gossip? Blah.

I don't live in a small town, an extremely large city actually..but it's a small small world. My ex and I broke up 4 years ago, I haven't talked to him in a year, he lives in another country even! And yet still...I will go out and at some random place, someone I barely know will say heey! You're so and so's girl right? Uhhh NO! Hes married with a baby and lives in Timbuktu now! (not his actual location lol)

I don't think I could handle being in a small town...I firmly believe, when there's nothing to do, people will find a way to entertain themselves, and it seems always to come at someone elses expense.

 

[y5L]

Moving 6 hours west was one of the best choices I have ever made. I found a place where I finally felt safe- not necessarily like nothing bad could ever happen to me, but a place where I am loved, accepted, heard, and built up in such a way that I finally feel like I have what I need to be able to face things in my past and be healed. A place where I know that even if anything truly bad did happen, I have that support in place to be able to be resilient to it.

These are all things I highly doubt I ever would have found had I stated around my hometown.

 

[mamachick]

I live in one of those crappy towns. Small population, mostly elderly and they are dying off and leaving the high rises to low income-which is good. There is alot of old money here and snooty people too. The energy is low and we have the least days of sunlight in the US. I also have noticed what silkleaves said, the people have nothing to do they make trouble at others expense. Just stir the pot as so many have no jobs. Also, big drug problems and gambling everywhere. The city was built on prostituion back in the day. I would love to get away from here. The energy is negative and low.

 

[GWhizz]

I don't come from a small town, actually I live in the capital city of my country. But the neighbourhood I grew up in was like that. Because of my father, our family quickly got a bad name. On top of all the crap we had to endure at his hands, we were ridiculed and bullied by everyone around us. People were so quick to judge us all and paint us with the one brush and as a result, I faced so much crap everywhere I went it seemed (school, relatives, neighbouring children etc). Maybe if people had bothered to enquire why I was so quiet or looked so run down etc, I might have had the confidence to trust to tell someone and put an end to a living hell at that time. But instead, it only stifled me more. Thankfully I got myself together and moved away to a new city where I really grew personally. However, due to high unemployment I was forced to return to the capital for work but now live in a completely different area of the city. But it's still a small enough country that you can't avoid bumping into people forever. I guess for me, it actually positively spurred me on to face up to my past and start therapy. Before that, I had always wanted to emigrate only to run from my family. But I've now realised this is my home too and I'm not running anymore. I have good friends here now, my own family has just started and I want my child to have a stable foundation in life. For me, I've had a new beginning in my hometown. Though I understand a small town is not comparable (my SO is from a small town and would never go back - even his immediate family who I like are too narrow minded).

What I take from this is that we all get fresh chances in life no matter how things are/were. There will always be a place and people we can better relate to and live as we wish to

 

[Caterpillar]

The small town I grew up in was like that. I was glad to leave, though it didn't solve all my problems the way I hoped it would. I don't really participate much in the community I now live in, which I guess is a good way to keep any problems from developing. I still often wish I could move again to get away from the memories of traumatic things which happened here, but I guess moving every time something bad happens isn't very practical.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

All I can say is WOW. I do not feel alone anymore. Another abuse that happens to a lot of people.

I learned so much from what all of you shared and I empathize with each and every one of you.

I have my friends and my family and I do not get to know the neighbors around here and I am very happy with that choice.

So much pain and anguish.

Interestingly enough Bratt, the town I used to live in had a brothel and it was also founded on prostitution. Now it has a huge Christian Conference Center which does witch hunts on the people who work there but a huge gossip mill. Two churches both sick and toxic and a lot of drugs and crime. Two men each killed their wives.

I am so happy to be free of that place. I am only sorry that we did not move away from there sooner. It was in a beautiful place. But all of the organizations were so toxic.

They say that the sickest ones move to the rural areas. I was pretty messed up when I moved there at first. I learned so many painful and costly lessons. It brought out the worst in me, making things worse for me and my family.

It had a pop. of one thousand people. So much different kinds of abuses going on there, unaddressed and so many people were noticing how angry people were getting at each other. So many witch hunts of various sources.

Not open to the realities of that place and people. Most healthy people just moved far away. What a mess. Never again.

 

[zaniara]

I moved too. But from my country's biggest town to a much smaller. Even in a big town you can be branded and targeted- if you used to go to some clubs where a lot of the kids from the rich( and powerful) neighbourhood goes. Since they have contacts everywhere and gossip travel really fast. The men who gang raped me was from that part of society, and my siblings know people in this 'world'; so moved both from all that shit and my family and my toxic father. It saved my life. I know that for sure. But it was the hardest choice in my life, since I didn't manage to move my kids with me. :( (a long story, and an abusive ex in the equation)

Congratulations to your new freedom! :tup: :hug: :)