"i Am"

[lostforgottensoul]

So I'm watching Oprah's Super Soul Sunday where she is interviewing the televangelist Pastor Joel Osteen (my step's favorite person) about his new book "The Power Of I Am" Dead Link Removed

*** Note: I did not read the book. Though I could as I bought it for my step mom. ***

But even so, the basic of the book is instead of saying "I am depressed", "i am weak", "I am defeated" and the other million things that we all say to ourselves on the negitive, instead say "I am happy", "I am strong", "I am moving foward" etc even if you dont feel it and eventually you gain a more positive outlook. That's how my therapist had me change my thinking patterns, say it though I don't feel it, so there is something there.

It sounds a lot like positive affirmations to me. I dont think it has to have this Christan spin, I think being positive is fundlemental.

I guess Im thinking about it as Im watching it but it just made me think. Ive felt so defeated for weeks now. Im wondering that if trying to be positive can help me do things that I couldnt seem to in the past. Just wondering from those with experience with it.

Obviously it will have a learning curb but it wouldnt be easy for anyone, let alone the traumatized, or he wouldnt of written a book about it. I think we are all self defeating, being against ourselves, for some reason.

What do you think? Could or do you do this and if so how does it effect you or not? How long could you do it or was it a learning to do it like everything else? Learning to stay positive?

 

[Pakadlangitok]

Hi Lost
I am mixed on these things. I find they work much better for people who are wealthy and healthy if you know what I mean.Further, they have done research to conclude that people who are negative and fake being positive are not happy. AND they think pessimists live longer!

I always feel that I have deceived myself when I start to think my words can make things better. If that were the case hot damn, ,I would be married to a beautiful kind person and have enough money to get by.

When I stay negative, i am not deceived. I never let myself down.

That being said I am SURE I am outvoted. Most people will say go for it and if it makes you feel better, I say GO FOR IT, too!!! we all want to be happy. Just for me, it just made me more frustrated and feel even worse. False hope is very bad for people with PTSD and I have learned never to give false hope to myself ever again.

 

[ladee]

I don't know too many people who 'stay' positive, but I do use the opposite of what I am thinking to talk myself into a better place. It works, not like magic words that makes everything or the situation at hand go away in an instant, but it works for me.

 

[Silver.]

I agree with @Pakadlangitok and couldn't have worded it better.
The only thing with me, is that I believe in positive energy, so I try to spread it as much as possible, in hopes that positive energy gets returned.
And with @ladee I do the same thing, I call them mind games, that I play to distract myself, and put me in a happier place, or maybe not a happier place, but a much less miserable place

 

[The Albatross]

Positivity only gets so far with me. Stoicism worked best fundamentally til I got some traction and levity. I am depressed, I am anxious, I am defeated, I am in pain but (fact based) this is why and it's okay cuz this is my starting place only... how I wind up the day is up to me.

Positive psychology techniques (Christian based or otherwise) didn't work for me til had some "head space".

 

[Friday]

Ever heard the phrase "They are either very brave, or very stupid." ?

There's a difference between reframing & denial / spin / lying.
There's a difference between being positive & being fake / willfully ignorant / obtuse.

Et cetera.

The most honest way that I know of to reframe? Continue the thought. Both are honest appraisals of the situation. One drags you down, while the other lifts you up, but both are honest, and can exist in the same space. Learning to continue the thought? Can give you a tool to use. Over time? Ditching the kick in the balls thought as the first thought, and shifting immediately into the useful thought? Kills a lot of self defeating misery.

I am weak.
I am weak. I am getting stronger.
I am getting stronger

I suck at this.
I suck at this. I am learning.
I am learning.

See how those 2 work together? The continuation of the thought / how eh work individually and together? And how that's different from simply picking the opposite, or faking it, or what you want to be true, or whatever?

***

Another way is to look for synonyms...

I'm bored. Okay. Check. Not a very useful thought.
I'm uninspired. Hey. Now that word has an obvious solution to boredom in it; find something inspiring.

Both are true. Both mean the same thing. 1 is a full stop. 1 is a start.

 

[Missycat]

I would say im similar to @Silver-lr and @ladee i do try and be positive but am also honest with myself. Its exhausting trying to be the positive one all the time and then i find that i cant be and its down to earth with a big bang !
My T actually said to me today that im strong and stoic and that along with using humour, these are my coping mechanisms because i dont like to show being upset - if im honest i think its because once i do im afraid the flood gates will open :(
I hope this makes sense !

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I call them mind games, that I play to distract myself, and put me in a happier place, or maybe not a happier place, but a much less miserable place

I am depressed, I am anxious, I am defeated, I am in pain but (fact based) this is why and it's okay cuz this is my starting place only... how I wind up the day is up to me.

I agree with both. Its sort of like affermations or distraction techniques or even finding negitive thinging and using a CBT thought record to change it. Im not sure i see saying 'i am happy" when im not would really get me anywhere. I know i cant throw "god" in there as that stays still very mixed up and a ton of rage is there so im like "f*ck what 'god' thinks or wants" (sorry Christians, no offense meant).

I dont know. I can see it like a negitive thought record (changing negitive thoughts to positive), i can see how it might work, but i also see how its lying to myself too.

I am weak.
I am weak. I am getting stronger.
I am getting stronger

I suck at this.
I suck at this. I am learning.
I am learning.

I like those a lot...how its fact based so its not like you are lying to yourself. Is it different for "normal" people or is it just sort of the Christian religin thinking? Just wondering if its different for the non-traumatized.

My T actually said to me today that im strong and stoic

My therapist tells me that in "so strong", "very smart" etc. all the time and I cant seem to accept them and actually gets mad at him for saying stuff like that. Its funny when i get mad at my therapist.

 

[The Albatross]

That was my point... stoicism was not, for me at any rate - a lie. It was getting my bearings... and then I went about the business of how to better do or achieve my day. I had to stay rather squarely rooted in what/how I felt/where I was first... and then it became a habit and then a behavior.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I had to stay rather squarely rooted in what/how I felt/where I was first... and then it became a habit and then a behavior.

I can see that. I meant allowing your feelings is part of therapy and this seems to denying your feelings.

 

[The Albatross]

Personally it would have been light years before I could have ever made the skip between my thinking pattern and positive psychology, Christian or otherwise. I guess that's what I'm sayin. I had to find a "middle ground". Stoicism was my middle ground.

 

[Missycat]

@The Albatross , i think you explain it well. I know my T is letting me know that its ok for me to just let go and stop having to be the strong, happy go lucky one all the time (altho when im on my own and allow quiet time , thats when the nightmares, flashbacks happen the worst). Basically i think she now knows me well enough that its a facade and its my way of blocking out the pain and coping.