I Can No Longer Watch Food Network And Tales Of Dehydration

[greenunflower]

Lots of medical talk below, in the case that it triggers.



*Just a reminder my trauma was a disease during pregnancy called hyperemesis, where I vomited and dry heaved violently 30-40 times daily, had IV nutrition, central lines, sepsis, spent time in the ICU, had a preemie, and also didnt eat a single bite of food for months during the time i recieved the IV nutrition*

Today I was watching Iron Chef. I have watched the show a million times since giving birth. I watched the show WHILE I had hyperemesis. But today I was watching, and I can feel the triggering happening. I can feel the little bites of anxiety coming up. Then suddenly my life feels like it is collapsing in on me and everything is wrong and everybody criticizes me and disagrees with the way I do everything, and I am a crying mess. All because I watched Iron Chef. And it wasnt really the cooking part. It was the judging part, where they delicatly put the food in their mouths, and then tear apart every single detail of how it tastes and feels and then criticizes the cook. I cry writing that last sentence.

That makes me feel plain stupid. How can a disease during pregnancy make it almost impossible to watch channel 35? A channel almost anybody can watch? It feels so dumb.

My therapist says my PTSD is in the coming out phase, and that is why it keeps getting worse and worse.

My daughter was born, she was a preemie, then things got a little stable, but not for long because then she got meningitis, then we had to move, then something else happened I dont remember, and then finally things leveled out after like a year and a half of contstant distress, that is when PTSD starting coming down like a lead balloon. And by the nightmares I am having, I have more trauma in my life than just HG (what we call hyperememsis) Like I did ECT for three years for tx resistant depression. I have had many nightmares recently that I am being forced to do ECT. Which is legally impossible. Because you have to be off of any legal hold, have to sign yourself up for it, and my husband doesnt find it effective, and probably wouldnt let it happen to me.

But that is beside the point

So Thanksgiving happened. I cooked. I am a great cook. People said, it was the best Thanksgiving they had had in a long time. I served myself a plate and didnt eat one single bite. People asked why and I just blew off their questions. Super triggered. Panic for days. By monday I was very dehydrated.

I work in an ER, so I got another nurse to start an IV and got two bags of NS. I didnt even pee after that. In fact I havent even peed since I woke up today, come to think of it. But I cant keep asking my friends to hook me up, cause that just isnt right to put them in that postion and I dont have veins that I could start my own IV on. And really, I need to find a better solution.

I have eaten 1 poptart and 4 ravioli today. I have lost 55lbs since I got pregnant with my daughter.

This not eating/ dehydration thing is bad. I almost just want a g-tube, so I can just pump food directly into my stomach and not have to have it ever pass my mouth again. I have had many a nightmare or dreams of how to convince someone to do that.

I cant really go to the ER and tell them this story, I fear they will 51/50 me for gravly disabled, and keeping me for 3 days isnt going to make me eat and drink like magic. They will screw with my fine balance of meds. And it just wont be pretty in general.

I am at a loss. I am functioning. Going to work, doing chores around the house, keeping up appearances, taking care of my daughter. But if it has to do with vomiting, eating, or drinking, I just cant do it. And the social phobia and agoraphobia is a constant battle.

This was long thanks for reading my babble.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I am not going to tell you what you should and shouldn't do, but as a nurse, I would think that you would do what is right.....

#1) You should not be asking your friends to hook you up to an IV. That is self diagnosing yourself, and putting your friends jobs at risk.

#2 As a nurse you should know that you probably have developed an eating disorder due to what you went through being pregnant, and you should be addressing that issue, not finding ways around it.

#3 Also as a nurse, you should know that if you are continually dehydrated, then you put great risk of damaging your kidneys to the point of kidney failure. I know this, because I have central Diabetes Insipidus, and MUST drink fluids, even though the medication causes me to no longer want to drink.

I think that you should reconsider that trip to the ER, and even consider going into the hospital to deal with your apparent eating disorder. You now have a child that needs her mother.

 

[This Ends Now]

Sorry to hear you are having so much trouble. I can absolutely see why watching Iron Chef would trigger you. It is not stupid or weak... it is part of a very real disease.

I understand that your pre-existing condition makes it harder for you as medications are a very delicate balance. I also understand that since you are a nurse you might be even more hesitant to go to the hospital then the rest of us. You have probably seen worst case situations in the ER that most of us don't even want to think about.

That does not change the fact that you need medical treatment. You know first hand that refusal to get help can have disasterous consequences. You also realize that its not just about what you want and need. You have a child who wants you to get better.

You mentioned in a previous post that some liquids were staying down... especially cranberry juice correct? Is there any way you could try to dilute some cranberry juice with 50% water and see if it stays down? The extra water in your juice should help your kidneys at least a little.

I know it is hard but it is very important for you to get some fluids in your system one way or another. One piece of great advice I got from another member on this forum was to modify a "drinking game" to help food and liquids get into your system without the psychological pain associated with eating.

For example: Water 21

Get your husband, a deck of cards, two shot glasses, and a galon of water. Fill the shot glasses with regular water and start dealing black jack hands between you two. Looser has to drink the shot of water. Shuffle the deck and continue until the galon of water is gone.

If you can at least play that game for one full gallon of water a day then you might be able to wait until the next available appointement with your doctor and get treatment then. If you cannot keep down water in these small ammounts at a time with as much distraction as plausable then you at least have a clear sign that its hospital time. Either way you and your family win.

Only you know what is best for your situation. You are clearly very smart and motivated. I have faith that you will make the best decision for your recovery. :Hug_emoticon:

Best Wishes,

Liz H.

 

[Deleted member 541]

TEN,

The game sounds great to get her to try and drink, but 1 gallon of water doing shots isn't a good idea. Drinking large amounts of water in a short time period can cause water intoxication, which can be fatal.....

Drinking a gallon of water a day can be excessive also. 64oz, is sufficient for most people in 24 hours. I do agree that she might try to dilute the cranberry juice, as water is the best for kidney issues......

GF, seriously consider seeking medical advice and treatment for yourself. You have some issues going on, that only you can address. I wish you well with this......

 

[This Ends Now]

She Cat,

WOW! I had not thought about the possibility of water intoxication. I had just picked a gallon out of thin air.... probably a distorted large amount since I drink so much water myself. Thank you for your correction. I guess I should be more careful about giving advice.

Thanks Again,

Liz H.

 

[onebravegirl]

Hi.:hello:
You sound very tired a weak. Things are always difficult at the beginning of treatment for PTSD. You really need to take one thing at a time. Priorities may need to be stripped down to the barest necessities. The very first is that if you really want to be well you have to become brutally honest with yourself. YOU NEED HELP. Therapy is an absolute priority. Please talk to you Therapist in detail about your issues with food. I would lay money down that you have an eating disorder and that Has to be treated or you will become too weak to handle anything at all. So, Therapy, Food, Sleep. That is the beginning. You cannot outrun PTSD it will only come back and hit you harder, so stop and take Therapy very seriously.
As far as Iron Chef goes it kinda makes sense to me that you are upset by it. You said yourself that you are in the early stages of understanding PTSD. A fear of "examining and taking apart" your issues is similar to what you may see when watching that show. But keep in mind that they are enjoying the process as it is very satisfying. It is satisfying to also do self-examination and not nearly as frightening as it was seem.
Baby steps Hun, thats all that is important right now.
:Hug_emoticon:
O

 

[Grainne]

This must be so awful for you! Can you not take down tiny little sips of fluids? My son was very ill as an infant and was often on the edge of dehydration. He had issues with projectile vomiting and lots of other stuff I will spare you the details on, but I had to find a way to get some fluids into him. I froze a very weak water/juice mix in ice cube trays and smashed them into slivers of ice. I would put a tiny sliver on his tongue..just enough so that it would melt and be gone with his saliva. I did this almost constantly.

I'm sure you've tried this, and, truth be told, it would never amount to enough fluid for an adult in a day, BUT...it's something. Better than hooking up to an IV honey...xo

Good luck,
Grainne