I Can't Cry. And I Really Want To

[Hope1969]

I have a chalange with crying. I really want to cry my heart out. Even to scream. The last 2 month since the abuse came out were so difficult. I hardly worked or slept. I feel the tears but I can't take them out. I tried to scream in my car but felt stupid.

I cried when my father died or my spiritual teacher died. I cry if I am very frustrated or angry about an issue without good solution.

I think that it's because of self control. I have to be in control about everything in my life even my emotions (especially emotions. In my childhood house if you were sensitive my mother will abuse you verbally until you become stronger or fall apart like my brother). So now I can't let go of the self control even if I want to.

I feel that if I will cry I will have a huge relief. Without crying I become depressed.

Did you have the same chalange? I would appreciate advice that worked for you and helped you start crying.

Thanx

 

[Tinyflame]

Though logically I can see that if you feel that way it's a goal, & very good for you then to pursue.

For myself though, no I almost never cry, & when I do it feels like it's going to kill me. Plus, what good will it do, not solve anything, & not something I ever want anyone to see. So naturally not something I strive for. Not to mention I think if I started it would flood the city. :( I remember when my dog died 10 years ago- & it was more complicated than that- some guilt from me, he also was 150 lb & could portect me from an abusive person who wanted to move in, I had seen him abused once badly too, from a different person, broke my heart, & he was really my only reason to live, at the time. I had also got him 2 weeks after my mom died, & raised him from 6 weeks. I knew I would cry so I went to a secluded place & cried for about 20 hours. And started smoking again. (Cigarettes.)

People say watch heart-wrenching movies, music, etc.

 

[Hope1969]

Though logically I can see that if you feel that way it's a goal, & very good for you then to pursue....

I don't think about crying as a special goal. I just need to cry NOW. And I can't. I don't think that I will accomplish something by crying. It's just an emotional need. Like getting angry. Which is also very difficult for me.

 

[Tinyflame]

I can't say I relate entirely. I have had profound sadness/ loss beyond tears, but it was just that- so sad/ bad it was beyond tears.

Idk where my anger went. But some of the lack of it is related to my perspective & beliefs I think.

 

[Blackjack]

Hope, I can totally feel your pain with this one as I was exactly the same for a long time. Things have now gone the other way for me though and I am constantly on the verge of crying a large amount of the time and have to work hard at holding it in when it is not an appropriate time.
It will come Hope, but it took me a long time to get to the point that I could let it out. I just wanted you to know that I do understand your situation and know the feeling and its not nice.

 

[Hope1969]

I can't say I relate entirely. I have had profound sadness/ loss beyond tears, but it was just that- so...

I understand your point of view

 

[Hope1969]

Hope, I can totally feel your pain with this one as I was exactly the same for a long time. Things h...

Thank you Blackjack. I was touched by your answer. You almost brought me to tears :)

 

[rainbow1]

I was the same for a long time too. It took a lot of work with my T to get me to feel safe enough to cry. He used to suggest I drive somewhere quiet and scream my heart out inside the car so no-one could hear me. I tried it a few times and it did help a bit to just release the emotions. Crying is a healthy response and it will come when you feel safe enough to let the emotion out.

 

[Missycat]

Whilst this is not a goal for me your comments do resonate. I can have a good cry at a sad movie, i didnt stop for ages when my beloved dog died recently - however when it comes to my abuse the tears didnt come for ages, in fact altho close to it, i have never cried in a T session. My usual approach is to smile and laugh it off ( a protection approach) .
I had to write down what happened to me so i could share with my T as i couldnt say the words - when i read the words back to myself the floodgates opened - i think its because it made it very real - the first time i have really cried re my abuse. I havent seen my T since i sent her the information so im not sure whether us discussing in my next session will 'open the flood gates again'.
Maybe you could try writing it down and reading it back, or you could listen to music, watch a movie .
MC

 

[steel]

Yes, I get it entirely. I was raised in a family where I was not allowed to access or release my emotions. I had such tight control that as I was being yelled at for something that I didn't do as a 10-year-old, I started to bleed out my nose. The pressure had to come out, somehow. We aren't meant to machines. As I am finding... all that pain needs to find a way to the surface, somehow, someway. It's the only way out.

As an adult, I fear emotional pain to the point where it is almost phobic and that has not helped me at all. I'm just getting to point where I am able to cry and it feels very out-of-control for me. I know that logically, I am fine... my emotions tell me I'm in trouble. The balance is trying to be able to see that when it is happening.

That said, I know it is beneficial... and I think you will be able to when the time is right. When it happened for me I had to remind myself that after I got up off the bathroom tiles, that I was going to be ok.

 

[Hope1969]

Maybe you could try writing it down and reading it back, or you could listen to music, watch a movie .

Ok , here is the thing. Usually I love writing. I used to write a journal my entire childhood.
But I can't write anything about the abuse. Until 2 months ago I even didn't know it happened (although I allwayes suspected something bad happened in my childhood ). Writing is as if I am accepting it happened - I am still in denial. When I have flashbacks I know they are true and after they pass I don't believe it was possible. So, writing is accepting. And I can't (at the moment).

The writing, like the crying and screaming is stuck (at the moment).

I wish there was an easy way like crying pill :)

 

[steel]

There is no forcing it. You will come to it when you are ready. It is all about finding the safe space/time to do it.