I can't deal with my mothers behavior

[Buddey]

I can't have my mom go back on the way she was treating me when I was getting better. I can't have her go out of her way to aggressively set off my OCD and then blame me when I lose control. I can't have her shrug off her part in the whole thing. I can't have her deny and lie to my face again and again about how clearly happened. I don't want to be here. I want to die.

 

[Buddey]

She's upset I'm freaking out like this. I can't help this. I'm not acting. I don't want to leave my room. I refuse. I don't care. She thinks this is some sort of attack on her. It's not. But I do wish she could be honest with me and I would feel a lot better.

 

[ladee]

When I am in that time of upset, not being here sounds and feels like a solution.... it isn't... what if, after you die by suicide, you find it is much worse and you are going to get to come back and try again.... maybe cutting out the middle part, the suicide, you can find some help with the problem with your mom making things worse... this is very hard... and super proud that you posted instead of just feeling it alone....

If you have PTSD and OCD, that is a hard combination... and sorry she is taking it personal , when you simply need the truth and some support.... but you are much stronger than you think you are... anytime someone posts about wanting to die, what I really read is someone needing relief, not death....

Do you have a therapist??? If so, talk to them about ways to handle this when your mom just doesn't get it... if you don't have a therapist, please check into getting one.... They can help you manage the OCD, which doesn't help ... are you on any medication for it... ?

Sending you gentle hugs, and we hear you.... and are supporting you.

 

[Buddey]

Yeah I do she knows about a lot of this. I'm so sad that the new mood and interation between me and my mom didn't last. I just want to crawl in a deep hole and never come out. I've stopped shaking. But she's being so overburdening atm.

 

[ladee]

I'm sorry !! She is probably scared for you and making stupid mistakes... can you let her know you need things to go back to the way they were, it's just too hard to do this without her support?