I Can't Do It

[Crow88]

I guess I'm just letting off steam. I don't know. Any support would be appreciated.

My immediate response to most things at the moment (especially things which could benefit me) is: I can't do it!

I freeze up and just feel intensely overwhelmed - as if I am a small child being asked to live as an adult. I'm scared and lost. Ever since the flashbacks of sexual assaults came to the forefront of my life in 2013, I feel like shutting down (as I did during the abuse) and most days I just think of suicide.

I just don't know how to live my life and I don't have hope. I don't know why I am alive.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

What happened to you isn't your fault ans it is natural to feel overwhelmed at the moment. The way I think about suicidal thoughts is that they are like the tide they eventually go back out, they eventually pass. Which doesn't mean to say they are not scary, upsetting and traumatic. Something shit happened to you it's ok to feel shit about it. Take it one hour at a time, wait for the tide to pass. And remember don't be too hard on yourself xx

 

[Crow88]

Thank you. Every hour feels so long and so rough. I'm grateful to have the support of people on here. I will try to keep in mind that these feelings are natural and that they will pass. Thank you :hug:

 

[katiekat]

I am truly sorry you feel this way. How awful that must be for you. In line with what NoWhereKnowWhere said, have you tried mindfulness meditations? One thing I like to tell myself in times of severe anxiety (I know it is not the same as what you are currently facing) is that "in this moment, right now, this very second, I am actually OK. I am OK because I am breathing, no one is hurting me, nothing is hurting me." I imagine myself anywhere in the world (only nice places) being OK. I imagine that if at this very moment I was sitting on beach, or in a rad garden, or at a farm with the sun shining on my face, that I could feel OK, just as I feel OK in this very moment. I would simply imagine that I could continue breathing somewhere else, just as I am doing now, and I would be equally OK. The point I am (hopefully) trying to make is that as long as you are breathing, you are actually OK! Tell me if this helps at all, or if it just sounds confusing! I would love to be able to help you in some way, unfortunately, my own experiences are somewhat limited in what can help so this is the best I have to offer right now. Hugs!

 

[katiekat]

Also-try responding to someone else's thread. Surprisingly, I actually feel much better about my own current struggle after trying to help you! How delightful! Also-I mentioned this in a thread last week to someone... If you need something to distract yourself, try repotting house plants or making starts off new plants. Giving life to things can be rewarding.