SeekingAfrica
Diamond Member
I was doing better, a lot better, but then last week was just a string of problems that kept pushing the tasks I was looking forward to(the ones working on my goals) further and further into next week. Every day has been more and more problems. And it's pushing me into this state where I start to feel like I'm trying to survive the day and that just gets really close to having memories I don't want to think about in my head all the time. And to feeling useless and stuck in time. Like I know things could be better in X amount of time(could be 3 days or 3 weeks, still feels like forever), but I just don't know how to get through that time. I've been trying to be optimistic, but I feel uninspired. I took hot bath and went for a walk today, and that was brief relief and now that's over. My goals seem even further and my present seems bleak, my head hurts, I can't watch my backlog of videos and sites for research (for work and goals) because I can't concentrate, and with all the problems last week I've watched all the series that I was excited about. I have a list of movies/TV to get to, but right now it doesn't help me feel better at all. I don't know what would make me feel better.
Soon it will be evening and I have my usual routine, and it will be usual evening before the same kind of days. And tomorrow I have to be on top of my game work-wise. But tonight I'm just so off. Almost tempted to SH because I just can't figure out what to do to feel better. Which I know makes no sense. Dancing is still a large factor in what stops me from SH, because there is very little that's not seen when you're in leotard and tights, plus changing rooms...So it would be hard to do it and not be seen. Which is a ridiculous reason, right? Because there are so many logical things that should stop me. But on a night like this it's really hard. I just want to be excited about something that's sooner than a week or 2 weeks away, I need to. But I feel stuck at every turn, I feel like I can't do or get anything I want or need right now, like I am stuck on repeat... I hate days like these, I hope I snap out of it soon. It makes everything look flatter,worse.
Soon it will be evening and I have my usual routine, and it will be usual evening before the same kind of days. And tomorrow I have to be on top of my game work-wise. But tonight I'm just so off. Almost tempted to SH because I just can't figure out what to do to feel better. Which I know makes no sense. Dancing is still a large factor in what stops me from SH, because there is very little that's not seen when you're in leotard and tights, plus changing rooms...So it would be hard to do it and not be seen. Which is a ridiculous reason, right? Because there are so many logical things that should stop me. But on a night like this it's really hard. I just want to be excited about something that's sooner than a week or 2 weeks away, I need to. But I feel stuck at every turn, I feel like I can't do or get anything I want or need right now, like I am stuck on repeat... I hate days like these, I hope I snap out of it soon. It makes everything look flatter,worse.
