I Can't Stop Being Angry And Ashamed Of Myself

[Glen Myers]

my brother and his gf were having a really nasty verbal fight and he was trying to force her to do things she didn't want to. My mom was trying to talk them down and he wouldn't stop yelling and being crazy and his gf was crying. Things were really out of hand and I lost it. I went in there and began to yell telling
everyone to shut up and "NO ONE IS GOING TO BE MAKING ANYONE DO ANYTHING THEY DON'T WANT TO DO, NO ONE IS GOING TO BE PUTTING HANDS ON ANYONE!" and then my brother said "oh yeah?" and began to charge at me and my mom stopped him and pushed him back and he kept saying stuff like "you don't know shit just mind your own business". Eventually my dad gave him a black eye (on another day) and put him in his place. I'm so mad that i had to have my parents stand up for me. That was supposed to me my shot at being the guy who saves the day and makes the aggressor back down. He should of saw that I was the one trying to keep everyone safe, calmed down and settled things with his GF in a civil manner after I went in and set everyone straight. He wasn't supposed to charge at me and act like an alpha-male wannabe douche

Part of the reason I have intense anger towards this moment and me is because every time I see my brother's GF it's really awkward for me. I hate that when she sees me she remembers me backing down. It makes me feel like less of a man and it embarrassed me.

 

[shimmerz]

So sad that it feels like there needs to be a fight in order to bring peace. It sounds like you are part of a ton of drama @glen meyers. I am so sorry for that for you and for anyone else involved. I wish you peace - however you need to find it.

 

[Friday]

"Being a man" isn't never backing down.
It's only even in part about standing up for the right reasons.

Giving your kid a black eye to "put him in his place" isn't being a man.
That's about being a bully, a coward, and an abusive schmuck.

 

[scout86]

when she sees me she remembers me backing down.

And you know that because??? And, what does it matter anyway?

It doesn't sound like there's much for "problem solving" skills in your family. And I'm kind of wondering about your brother's gf, because being his EX gf sounds like a pretty good idea to me.

Your brother was wrong and so was your father, but I imagine they were doing the only things they know how to do. There are better things, you just have to learn them. There was a time in human history, when might really did make "right". The world gets to be a better place as we evolve beyond that. I know people who have the ability to defuse a situation with their words and their energy (people of both genders). THEY are the people I have respect for, not some guy that can intimidate someone by slamming them against a wall.

You'd be better served by setting your sights a bit higher. Finding better role models might help.