I don’t love my parents?

[Purple_Cloudzy]

Yesterday my mother scolded me for being rude to a guest when I ignored her, and she believes that my being rude is an ongoing problem. We both said some things, and then I realized:

I just realized that I don’t love my parents. They didn’t do anything major to make me dislike them, I just don’t feel any attachment towards them at all.

I have a twin sister and she’s probably the only person I actually like. I don’t care for friends, extended family, strangers, idols, paramours, or anyone else. It’s like the only people I’d actually ever love are just myself and my twin.

I don’t hate anybody, but I also don’t like anybody, and I definitely don’t love anyone.

 

[PlainJane]

I feel like my brother experiences this. He struggles with attachment and for good reason. I love him anyway, he doesn't have to love me back. It's not a malicious thing, it's just who is. What is interesting, he requires socialization and copious amounts of attention. despite it. He doesn't keep friends, by his choice.

I do expect good behavior though. He has learned I am the better option out of many and wants to stay with me, so he knows he has to behave well, because I don't tolerate shit behavior. We treat people kindly in my circle.

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

in my experience, i thought i disliked/hated my parent but in reality it’s just not having a bond with her, which is not a choice i made. my mother (who was my main caregiver) was never an overtly bad parent or anything, but we don’t have a relationship. at some point there stopped being room for my attachment to develop any more, partly circumstantial and partly emotional neglect. it all happened very quietly, i didn’t notice until this year. she cares but for whatever reasons that’s a big area where she failed to give what i needed, my relationship with her stopped being nurtured when i was pretty young and that was it really. never seemed like something was wrong; nothing major happened, but there was. all cumulative.
don’t have a healthy relationship with my dad either, for different reasons, but same deal; you just don’t notice when something’s up when it’s quiet and always been like that. sometimes it can seem good but it’s not really.

i think parents not showing up for you post-trauma can be a big part of this, if you share that childhood experience.

 

[arfie]

hello purple. welcome to the forum.

my own feelings are not unchanging nor exclusive facts. i can and do feel more than one emotion toward everything. i often love and hate a person, place or thing at the same time. i love my 9 year old dearly, but i sure hate it when she gets crude and rude. i have loved my home while fighting urges to clean it by fire.

sigh. . . what's a crazy woman to do?

among the things i do is come to someplace like this and vent, getting my confusion into words and sharing those words seems to help me figure out wtf is going on. hope it helped you, too.

welcome aboard. vent freely. vent often.