I Don't Feel Safe

[Deleted member 1860]

HOLY CRAP!

The owner of that blog is off her rocker. I've only read one blog, but she is attacking someone for simply stating that she found a supportive therapist who is helping her go no contact! Funny, I was going to post the EXACT same thing! This was in response to the blogs posting that ALL therapists are bad and throw the blame on the victim. The blog owner then quotes something from the respondents personal blog that said something about liking to fly under the radar and used that as "proof" of an agenda. Funny, I like to fly under the radar, too. I guess that means I have an agenda? ;-)

Me thinks this blogger is very much in the anger stage of healing. She is unwilling to hear any other sides of the story (hers is right, anything else is wrong), exhibits black and white thinking, as well as a touch of paranoia. I haven't read any other posts of hers, as this was the second most recent from a few months ago.

There is some interesting information, but it's very one sided. (HATE all therapists; they are EVIL!!) Take with a grain of salt. I don't want to be where she is. I want to move forward. (She's still bent on revenge, wanting her narc sister to crack her facade so she can tape it and put it on YouTube to expose her).

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm feeling a little better, but still hiding out in my home. I am going to try to make plans to leave within the next few days. I am tired of being scared and hiding.

 

[CrazyHorse]

Okay, sorry about that :-)

I have not read that! I have read a few of her blogs which I found very interesting and useful. But I am far from an expert on the subject. I am sorry it was not helpful.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Lol it's ok, I'm guessing that her other posts had a different flavor? I'll read a few more to see if they're helpful! I feel like the "enemy" already because I've found a therapist who believes in the toxicity of narcs and is helping me to separate. Why that is so wrong, I'll never know? I don't deny that bad therapists exist, but it's a bit harmful to say that they are all bad. I think this sentiment alone will keep people from pushing forward to find help!

 

[CrazyHorse]

Yes, that is harmful and very one sided to claim! I am surprised she said that. The posts I have read are angry, yes, but I think I would be too if it were me. I know I got quite angry from the brief encounter I have had with a narssicist ;-)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Well she took the blog down.

I'm still trying to find more info about narcissism but it isn't easy! So much is just general diagnostic info. Yes that's helpful to a degree, but I know there are different varieties of the condition. I'm dealing with more of the covert, manipulative variety that has you completely blindsided and 99% of everyone else falling over themselves to satisfy the "sweet as pie therefore can't be that bad" narcissist. In contrast to the violent, angry narcs that the blog owner seemed to be dealing with.

I literally feel like I'm living in the twilight zone.

I made the mistake of verbalizing my decision to separate from the narc and all associated with her. I had heaps of blame shoved upon me. I now realize that I am facing the possibility of having to walk away from everyone I know.

My therapist was right. Narcs don't play with the same set of rules. Most of us have a deep, subconscious assumption that people are good, that they will generally act with concern for others. Sadly, this isn't true. I hate feeling so cynical, but it is what it is. Even the media perpetuates this myth....those who are truly bad are out THERE and operate on the level of serial killers or mass murderers.

True evil doesn't look evil. My one abuser was a sweet as pie wife of a minister. The other, my innocent looking, petite mother. I betcha the devil doesn't really have horns---he probably looks more like Santa Claus. But I digress.

 

[CrazyHorse]

Well she took the blog down.

I know! That is odd... Last night I tried to find it to see if I could find what you mentioned, and she apparently set it to private.

What you discribe in your last post was excatly the subject at hand in the posts I have read: the blame-shifting, feeling like you are living in a twighlight zone, that those people are actually out there, and some have them for parents.

 

[shoulderblades]

I had heaps of blame shoved upon me. I now realize that I am facing the possibility of having to walk away from everyone I know.

From what you've said in this thread, that sounds like the safest and best option for you. It's very hard - I walked away from everyone I knew in order to get away from toxicity and it took a long time to work through the guilt of walking away. But the guilt of walking away is a lot easier to deal with than the guilt trips my family laid on me by gaslighting me and blaming me for everything.

*offers gentle hugs* I hope you are feeling safer and more in control. The crisis hotline is a good idea. Seeing your caring aunt is a good idea. Going to a refuge is a good idea. Anything that gets you out of the toxic situation you're in and keeps you safe is a good idea. *offers more hugs*

 

[Philippa]

From what you've said in this thread, that sounds like the safest and best option for you. It's very hard - I walked away from everyone I knew in order to get away from toxicity and it took a long time to work through the guilt of walking away. But the guilt of walking away is a lot easier to deal with than the guilt trips my family laid on me by gaslighting me and blaming me for everything.

Agreed. It's really hard to deal with the guilt, remorse etc., but harder to stay knowing that guilt and shame trips will only flow faster, as well as all the mind games and twisting things to make you out to be the child, ungrateful one, bad guy etc.

I'm only just starting to come out the other end of the torment that has been going on inside me for my decision, and it is feeling better every day...but there are always moments where I feel terrible and am unsure and second guess myself. They seem to be lessening though. Hope that keeps up?