SophieBernstein
Silver Member
I was a happy, social and extroverted kid in my early childhood but when I was five it changed. I guess that was abused from an 6 years older kid. He told me that if i sucked his penis he would do something i wanted. At first I refused but them he insisted and I just did it. I was so embarrased and also I didn't undertand what was happening, them my father asked me and because of my dishability on that time to say no, I said the truth. I've never seen that guy ever in my life but in the street because it's my neighbor.
Then, me and my older brother started to see porn together on the familiar PC when I was 7 and also imitating it. It was like a game but throgh the years we just keep doing it and I started to realise i didn't wanted to do this anymore. On the one hand I wanted to keep going but in the other I wanted to stop until I did it. That happened when I was 10 or 11 and he was 13 or 14. I always have tried to keep it out of my mind and to refuse that was true by dissociating it or saying it was just kid stuff but when I was 18 I saw it in a different way. We never talked about It but one day when I was depressed on bed, He came drunk and told me " how can you be so depressed with the desire i have on you" and he started touching my neck. I was paralysed. Then, the other day he asked me if wanted to do that again and I said no. I was stunned and also shoked.
Since then, i don't know what to think about what happened when we were younger, if that was abuse, if was stupid, if my brother is a nymphomaniac... I'm lost with this. I know i have nightmares and flashback from this but I don't know if I'm just a drama queen, I don't know what to think.
Then, me and my older brother started to see porn together on the familiar PC when I was 7 and also imitating it. It was like a game but throgh the years we just keep doing it and I started to realise i didn't wanted to do this anymore. On the one hand I wanted to keep going but in the other I wanted to stop until I did it. That happened when I was 10 or 11 and he was 13 or 14. I always have tried to keep it out of my mind and to refuse that was true by dissociating it or saying it was just kid stuff but when I was 18 I saw it in a different way. We never talked about It but one day when I was depressed on bed, He came drunk and told me " how can you be so depressed with the desire i have on you" and he started touching my neck. I was paralysed. Then, the other day he asked me if wanted to do that again and I said no. I was stunned and also shoked.
Since then, i don't know what to think about what happened when we were younger, if that was abuse, if was stupid, if my brother is a nymphomaniac... I'm lost with this. I know i have nightmares and flashback from this but I don't know if I'm just a drama queen, I don't know what to think.
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