Again, though, all these feelings aren't really about the email. Just as, in life for us all, where it isn't all about that driver who cut us off, that toy out of place, that laundry left on the floor, or that lady chewing her gum too loudly. They're the spillover feelings of what else is filling up our cup of emotions.
Sure, it's fine to expect a response during normal working hours, if that's the ground rules.
TP, I do hope you go back to him soon while this is fresh and tell him exactly what happened after that non-response. It will help you practice asserting your needs, you'll get to have your say, and it'll give him an opportunity to respond. He also will take your emails more seriously in the future, he'll learn more about this trigger, and help you conquer the past feelings, memories, etc. driving such distress.
If he was on vacation, or off-duty, though, I don't believe it's fair to expect a person to respond to work.
If my work continues to expect me to give up pieces of my free time, I feel more stress. I used to allow this all the time and it has really taken a toll on me. It keeps me electronically tethered to my job, so my system isn't truly "resting."
It decreases the restorative quality of being fully able to disengage and rest our psyches. For medical workers, it increases the chance of empathetic burn-out, and decreases their immune system function.
Do we expect doctors or nurses to take time away from their family when they are on vacay? Usually not, at least, and there's a good reason why.
When they are our only resource or 'go-to' person, and they can't give us thorough attention, they might miss something. It might cost us devastating consequences. So, they want us to use the full skills of the person covering for them to make sure we get the highest standard of care. Phone care or email cannot meet that standard.
Our therapists are no exception. If just a few of my therapist's patients and me expected 'just an email' response back, that's going to seriously wreck his time off. I refuse to do that to a caring human being who is trying to help me. I don't feel it's healthy or kind for me to expect him to take away his all too scarce time with his family. I want him rested and with healthy boundaries intact so we can work hard during my sessions.
Thankfully, I don't need to. I have skills I can use to 'get through', though it isn't easy by any means.
I too feel abandoned whenever my therapist goes on vacation. But I've learned that when he isn't available, it's a chance for me to build my network of safe, kind people I can turn to when in distress. I can practice my grounding skills. I can can increase my effectiveness and self-care, so no matter who is unavailable in my life, I have others to turn to.
When he gets back, I can tell him honestly how I felt, and continue healing the abandonment issues still hurting my functioning today.
Now that I've been doing this awhile, not much gets to me the way it used too, thankfully. But I had to discover for myself that I am a strong, capable human being. As are we all.
