I Don't Really Know Where to Start - Self Help

[cherryblossom]

Hi
I need some help for my PTSD and don't know where to start.
I have tried to get help/ help myself in the past and I have been unsuccessful.
I'm in the UK, when I saw my GP in the past he put me on antidepressents and refered me to psychologist and psychiatrist.
I found it too hard to talk about what happened to me, that I shut down and discharged myself.
I tried again with a private therapist, but the same thing happened.
When I'm 'well', I somehow manage to push it all away ('put a lid on things'). I accept my aviodance and social withdrawl as who I am and get on with things the best I can.
Then something will happen, some trigger, that sparks a flashback.
Sometimes it is just a one off but other times it spirals out of control.

Right now, the insomnia and nightmares are back at night and my day is filled with intusive thoughts, flashbacks and anxiety.
Phew.... I'm not very good at admitting to all this.

Anyway. I think it's time I stopped sticking my head in the sand and get some help. Obviously my negative experiences of past help are a sticking point, but I don't know where to start, what sort of help to seek, and where to look.
Any suggestions?

cherryblossom

 

[Deleted member 541]

Cherry,

You have made a great start already. Now all you need to do is continue. You start where you feel comfortable starting. There are diary sections here where you can start writing. Others will give you feed back if you wish, or just offer encouragement. That's what we do here.

Good luck, and so far great start!!!!!

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Hi Cherry, one thing that you can do is print out what you just wrote and hand it to your doctor. Also, print out anything in your trauma diary and give it to your doctor/therapist. It is partly their responsibility to get you feeling comfortable enough to talk. They shouldn't push you if you are not ready though.

I have a thread recently where I felt I don't connect with my therapists and have been through about 12-15 throughout my life and always ended the relationships. I never talked about my trauma with them. I would just complain about drama I created for myself as a coping tool.

Finally, I got lucky and my aunt referred me to one of her friend's who helped me. However, after she retired I haven't been able to connect to anyone until just recently (3 months ago).

Good luck
Tammy

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi
Thankyou for your replys and suggestions.
I have just been looking at the diary section (exposure therapy) and think that might be a good place for me to start. I find it really hard to talk, so maybe I'll be able to type out what is going on for me.
Also printing things out is a great idea, thanks.

I also think that I'm ready to put in more effort and not quit so easily - but we shall see.
Thanks, I'm off to the diary section

cherryblossom

 

[Claire]

Hi, I'm in the UK too and I think the best thing you can start with is to read this forum. Take it steady or you can get overwhelmed but educate yourself. Then when you feel ready maybe you'll want to find another therapist. There are loads out there but you've got to find one you get on with and when you are ready, trust and open up to them. If you dont tell them about stuff they cant possibly help you with it. It sounds obvious but its true and you will only tell them when you are ready to.

 

[ruddy]

I've had a few failed attempts at therapy. I know it's been said on this forum many times. Look for a therapist that has experience with ptsd patients.

I encountered two therapists who were not patient enough to give me time to trust them so I could open up. I got the impression that they wanted a quick fix (instant gratification of a problem solved and job well done). I suspect they were relieved when I quit going back.

IMHO this is not the time to be politically correct. If you think you'd be more comfortable with a woman ask for one. If you think you'd be more comfortable with someone of a particular race or cultural background look for that. I find it more difficult to be vulnerable in the presence of another woman so I looked for a male therapist. I believe that is due to my experiences and the nature of my trauma. We all have issues. Think about who you would be most comfortable talking to and don't be afraid to assert yourself when you schedule an appointment.

I've been seeing the same therapist for over 6 months and I do trust him but there are times I get tongue tied so I write down what I want to talk to him about before I get there just in case I can't make the words come out of my mouth. When I first started going there that was the norm. If you can't talk try writing. Either way you are telling them what's on your mind and enabling them to help you.

Don't give up. One size doesn't fit all and it might take a few tries.

Good luck, Ruddy

 

[morgan]

I just want to say that you don't have to talk about your trauma right away. Take the time you need to build trust and some sort of rapport first. There's no need to jump in with both feet. Test the water and see how it feels.
Good luck and take care, Morgan

 

[anthony]

Cherryblossom, at the end of the day, nobody can help you if your not ready to help yourself. I would presume, which I don't like to do, that your being here and asking says that maybe your now ready to face your fears. You have started a diary, that is a beginning. Now you need to look at what you fear and you will be surprised what you find. Yes, you must endure pain in order to face your fears, but once you do, once you get past those fears, no longer will you endure that pain again at that level or intensity.

 

[cherryblossom]

Thankyou
I don't think I ever really understood that I HAVE to go through the pain of facing my fears, in order to come out the other side. But reading all the information on this site, I'm finally understanding that.
I have made a hesitant start on the diary, which I intend to keep going with.
Thankyou again - great site

 

[cherryblossom]

I am trying to do my diary, but not getting on with it very well.
PTSD symptoms are currently overwhelming.
This morning, I started to write, and I felt quite detatched. But writing about it changed that. I had the most horrible flashback, which ended in me being physically sick.

I just feel pathetic and useless for not being able to do this. It's in my head all the time - why is writing it down so hard? No wonder I've never been able to say the words out loud. I have written my story before (about 3 years ago I think), so why can't I write it again, without being physically ill?
I get really scared when the ptsd is as bad as this....

 

[dljwhitewolf]

Well me and a new member nonabug5 have wicked insomnia, right now she is going thru some tough flashbacks, and we speak on the phone almost every night describing our day and nightmarish times.
We could careless about the insomnia as far as what time we sleep, its the lack of sleep that gets to us. Well lately she is sleeping and I have been awake for four days with about eight or less hours worth of sleep. My legs are killing me, so I must be running from something when I do sleep (I trained myself not to remember dreams.) because my legs feel as though I was running an eternal marathon they hurt so bad.
We are similar in that we feel safe enough to sleep when it finally gets light outside, this morning it got light, and I made coffee, couldn't sleep again.
I find xanax to be very (extremely) helpful with reducing the anxiety, not the flashback, just easier to cope with.
Because nonabug5 had the same trauma as me, I understand everything she is going thru. It would help if you had someone from the site that understands your type of trauma, I am sure there are many, and ask them how they handle theirs.
Discussing with others helps, because we do things reactionary and may not have a clue why, speaking with others can help you understand your reactions and where they come from due to the trauma and like a puzzle being put together, a peice will fall into place making sense of what seemed senseless.
Hope this helps, ask anything, everyone here is helpful.

 

[cherryblossom]

I don’t really sleep much atm. I find that I can’t get off to sleep because of anxiety and intrusive thoughts. If I do sleep, then I have horrible nightmares. Part of me doesn’t even want to sleep, because of the nightmares!
I guess one of my biggest problems in dealing with this is that I’m not very good at talking about things. Not very good at being open and honest about how I am. I’ve spent so long bottling things up and pretending everything is ok, that I’m not very good at opening up. It makes me feel really vulnerable. Like I am giving people ammunition to hurt me with.