Relationship I Don't Think I Will Ever Recover

[lovehopepeace]

My husband and I still haven't spoken since Tuesday night when I returned from a walk to find him in a rage. He called me a liar and a whore (it hurts just to type that), and accused me of going to a bar and being unfaithful. I just went for a walk, just like I told him. I saw no one (other than passers by) and spoke to no one. I don't think I can heal from this. I just don't. It's killing me. The one person in the world that is supposed to love and comfort me and life me up said the cruelest things possible. I want to disappear. Sometimes I won't to die.

 

[Lucycat]

PTSD is NO excuse.

Clearly if this relationship has any chance you need to communicate. If you think it has no chance then you must walk away. Quite obviously things cannot continue as they are.

 

[BigBear]

I hope he is diagnosed. And in treatment.

Untreated, PTSD leads sufferers to say and do things that they would never do. They still do and say them during treatment, but they can usually quickly see reality and try to recover.

They stop seeing you. What they see is a collage of terrible things from their past overlaid on you.

Bear

 

[lovehopepeace]

My therapist recommended I give him a time frame to get himself together (quit drinking/drugging and stop his verbal abuse) before I leave. I cannot stay in this marriage and stay sane and healthy.

 

[Noa]

Is she/ he also his therapist?

I recommend that you stay married and move out. I know this from experience. He's not going to change any time soon.

Do what ever you can to work or get some financial help. All you need is a small apartment where you can feel safe and start to rebuild your life.

 

[joeyblue]

Hi,

I am new to this forum and have only just posted my first thread a couple of days ago.

Your statement of being called a liar and a whore screamed out to me as my husband has called me that many times, plus a lot more. uncontrollable rages at the smallest of things, being blamed for everything, even his ptsd, the list goes on.

His therapist said we should stay as a family unit as we ground him.

A few words were said to me from a lady called Debbie on this forum, 'It was not acceptable to use me as a scapegoat for his anger!! She is sooooooo right! The sad news is that not even 2 hours ago my husband and I have decided to separate for the sake of our children 2 and 7.

After uncontrollably crying for an hour, my mood changed, a weight I have been carrying for years has lifted slightly. No more sneaking the kids out so as not to wake him in a rage, no more being the brunt of his foul moods, no more accusation, intimidation, threats, pressure.

I sincerely hope we will be able to move forward at some point. I love him dearly but there comes a point where we have to take care of ourselves and, in my case, our children.

My advice would be to remove yourself from the situation, I know how you feel, believe me. A Heart breaking decision to make ( I cry everytime I think of my husband alone) but if anything like myself, I feel things will work out for the best.

My thoughts are with you, be strong, be safe. xxx

 

[Maria4v2000]

I have been there done that and felt the unbelieveable pain. It's no excuse but the reason for it, for my husband, it's his that PTSD makes his mind wander, so if he does not know where I am he automatically gets paranoid and thoughts run through his head that he does not want there, so if he sees me soon afterwards he blows up more out of aggravation and fear, even though he will never admitt that. No one can tell you what to do. If you feel you can not survive through this, walk away. Maybe get counseling for yourself.

He needs therapy obviously, but you can not force anyone to do anything. You can only change yourself. To avoid more arguements you can try to have a conversation stating you are sorry and you did not mean to worry him and you can understand his fear and that it was hard for him, but it hurt you the way he approached you. Don't expect much in return though. I suggest getting therapy, with someone who is trauma specialized, and work on taking care of yourself so you do not feel this horrible pain when he acts like this. You must learn, it's not you, it's him needing help.

 

[drago]

I am going through the same thing now. My wife and I had a baby, preemie, 5 weeks ago. After her birth, she changed. The only indication prior, was that her therapist tried to call her, she ignored the calls, so the therapist called me to force a c-section, and that she will regress. This is all an hour before. She was perfectly fine before the birth. I unfortunately lost my cool.

Her aggressive behavior after coming home and saying that I was bad father, while did everything and more for them.... I yelled bad at her, she called the police, twice, but they couldn't do anything because I didn't do anything enough for that.

Things progressively got worse, and she fled to a Montana reservation with the baby 2wks old(driving)...In the meantime I check the health insurance records and see that he was at the ER.

I am in the same boat as you, but now there are legal matters. I think we can all get through this.