D
Deleted member 27524
My sufferer wants to send me $20,000 as an act of good faith that he cares about me. I don't want the money. I just want him to hug me. I dunno what to make of this. Don't even know how to process it!
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Sweetpea76
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Holy cow... the hug would be cheaper!
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- #4
D
Deleted member 27524
He has offered me over the course of knowing him, a house, a new car, money on several occasions but I truly truly truly would love this man if he were dirt poor! I won't take a dime of it and never have but he's so persistent that I have it. He means more to me than all of it. I didn't fall for him for his money. I fell for him cause of his personality. Lol did I really just say that? Seems funny considering he's been an A$$ right now!
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- #5
D
Deleted member 27524
I'm almost tempted to say "can I borrow $20K and buy a hug off you?"
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- #6
D
Deleted member 1860
Definitely refuse it!
Does he have a history of "buying" women? No disrespect to you, not in the least! (I just mean by giving them gifts, nothing more.)
It seems like some guys get into a pattern of dating women who are in it for the stuff, so when a good woman comes along who doesn't give a darn about those things, it can throw him off his game. Its sort of mind blowing that there are women out there like that. I don't care about the stuff, either. Stuff isn't going to keep me warm at night or make me feel safe and loved.
Does he have a history of "buying" women? No disrespect to you, not in the least! (I just mean by giving them gifts, nothing more.)
It seems like some guys get into a pattern of dating women who are in it for the stuff, so when a good woman comes along who doesn't give a darn about those things, it can throw him off his game. Its sort of mind blowing that there are women out there like that. I don't care about the stuff, either. Stuff isn't going to keep me warm at night or make me feel safe and loved.
Lol - wish my combat vet's symptoms extended to showering me with expensive gifts! ;)
(@Thunderstorm - hope you will take that comment in the tongue-in-cheek way its intended and know that I am not seeking to diminish your pain in this situation - just gotta get a giggle when you can in this PTSD alternate universe.)
(@Thunderstorm - hope you will take that comment in the tongue-in-cheek way its intended and know that I am not seeking to diminish your pain in this situation - just gotta get a giggle when you can in this PTSD alternate universe.)
Mine does that.
I've had to refuse much the same offers you did, cash, home, car, a business of our own (that he would run so I wouldn't have to work and be able to follow my passion instead), wicked expensive vacations - you name it, he offered it and I got confused/scared/offended by it.
In time, I learned to at least accept the "smaller" things that still allowed me to look in the mirror in the morning. Still way too costly for my taste, but fancy dinners and jewelery at least weren't AS ridiculous as some of the rest and being allowed to give them to me made him feel better.
That said, his black AmEx is burning a hole into my desk drawer and will never be used, no matter how often he may insist I "treat myself".
He was raised to believe he's not worth more than what's in the bank, that no one's ever going to love him for anything other than what he can do or buy for them. It didn't help that every woman he got close to in the past absolutely confirmed that theory, and he's WELL out of his depth, scared and very uncomfortable with the idea that some people may be different.
In his mind, he himself is "not enough", because that's what he's been told all his life, and teaching an old dog new tricks really IS as hard as the old proverb claims.
Another aspect to it all is that of Chapman's "five love languages" (you might want to google that if you're not familiar with the concept, might make some things clearer).
That theory isn't really backed up by science, but relatable enough.
Chapman's theory says that there are five ways people express love: gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service and physical touch.
According to the this, everyone has a primary and a secondary "love language", and if there is no overlap in yours and your partner's, that's when sh*t gets confusing.
Not impossible, but confusing, because it'll take some effort to understand and be comfortable with the way your partner expresses love.
There are numerous resources available online that'll explain it much better than I could, but the "language barrier" and the toxic thoughts planted in that gorgeous head of his long before my time are the issues I'm facing with my vet when it comes to the kind of problem you're having with yours.
It's confusing, it even seems insulting ("WTF does he think I am that he's trying to buy me!!"), and if it's not a way of thinking you're used to, it takes quite some time and work to get there, from both sides.
You sort of have to meet in the middle, and getting there takes both parties through pretty much uncharted waters - but it's not impossible. :)
I've had to refuse much the same offers you did, cash, home, car, a business of our own (that he would run so I wouldn't have to work and be able to follow my passion instead), wicked expensive vacations - you name it, he offered it and I got confused/scared/offended by it.
In time, I learned to at least accept the "smaller" things that still allowed me to look in the mirror in the morning. Still way too costly for my taste, but fancy dinners and jewelery at least weren't AS ridiculous as some of the rest and being allowed to give them to me made him feel better.
That said, his black AmEx is burning a hole into my desk drawer and will never be used, no matter how often he may insist I "treat myself".
He was raised to believe he's not worth more than what's in the bank, that no one's ever going to love him for anything other than what he can do or buy for them. It didn't help that every woman he got close to in the past absolutely confirmed that theory, and he's WELL out of his depth, scared and very uncomfortable with the idea that some people may be different.
In his mind, he himself is "not enough", because that's what he's been told all his life, and teaching an old dog new tricks really IS as hard as the old proverb claims.
Another aspect to it all is that of Chapman's "five love languages" (you might want to google that if you're not familiar with the concept, might make some things clearer).
That theory isn't really backed up by science, but relatable enough.
Chapman's theory says that there are five ways people express love: gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service and physical touch.
According to the this, everyone has a primary and a secondary "love language", and if there is no overlap in yours and your partner's, that's when sh*t gets confusing.
Not impossible, but confusing, because it'll take some effort to understand and be comfortable with the way your partner expresses love.
There are numerous resources available online that'll explain it much better than I could, but the "language barrier" and the toxic thoughts planted in that gorgeous head of his long before my time are the issues I'm facing with my vet when it comes to the kind of problem you're having with yours.
It's confusing, it even seems insulting ("WTF does he think I am that he's trying to buy me!!"), and if it's not a way of thinking you're used to, it takes quite some time and work to get there, from both sides.
You sort of have to meet in the middle, and getting there takes both parties through pretty much uncharted waters - but it's not impossible. :)
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- #10
D
Deleted member 27524
@Casey_03 he is a combat vet.
@Sighs lol no offense taken!
He is used to women wanting him for what he has. He's not used to a woman that just wants him for just him alone. I think he's trying to show me he cares in his own way. Things have changed a lot lately and I'm as confused as ever. HE made comments about our future many times and wanted me to meet his daughter and now he's saying I may want more than he can promise or give me. I'm a very loving person and now I feel like am I suppose to hold that back? Is it bad that I was so loving to him? I'm really confused on what just happened. He spoke of me and my kids in his life a lot and now I may want more than he can give? How do I proceed here? I was sure we had a future and now I'm not so sure. He stressed to me he thinks about me many many many times during the day but he's buries it. Why is he doing that?
@Sighs lol no offense taken!
He is used to women wanting him for what he has. He's not used to a woman that just wants him for just him alone. I think he's trying to show me he cares in his own way. Things have changed a lot lately and I'm as confused as ever. HE made comments about our future many times and wanted me to meet his daughter and now he's saying I may want more than he can promise or give me. I'm a very loving person and now I feel like am I suppose to hold that back? Is it bad that I was so loving to him? I'm really confused on what just happened. He spoke of me and my kids in his life a lot and now I may want more than he can give? How do I proceed here? I was sure we had a future and now I'm not so sure. He stressed to me he thinks about me many many many times during the day but he's buries it. Why is he doing that?
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