I Fail At Everything And My Father Is Disappointed

[shimmerz]

I don't feel like I'm improving, but I can see it now. My friend also said it seems like I've improved. I don't feel like I have, but I guess it's true. I can see from these two posts.

I think that sometimes feeling and being merge into one with PTSD. It is something I have learned to challenge by trying to replace 'I am" with "I feel'. It has helped a ton (for me) to challenge my seemingly automatic 'I feel, therefore I am' mentality. So happy you are feeling (and being ;)) better!

 

[Deleted member 27340]

replace 'I am" with "I feel'

I will try this. Instead of "I am depressed", "I feel depressed".

So happy you are feeling (and being ;)) better!

I don't really feel better, I just seem to be. I guess?

 

[joeylittle]

I think that sometimes feeling and being merge into one with PTSD. It is something I have learned to challenge by trying to replace 'I am" with "I feel'.

This is a great technique - and there's one more part that is worth adding - it helps manage the emotion of it.

I think xxx, and because of that I feel yyy.
SO the statement, I'm a total failure would become:
I think that I'm a total failure, and because of that I feel lost and sad.

It's important when you are learning to manage anything resembling a mood disorder (which PTSD folks generally have shades of, if not a diagnosis of one) that you separate your thoughts and your feelings. There's always a thought that goes with a feeling. Always. Thoughts trigger feelings, often - but the thoughts themselves are pretty neutral.

 

[RussH]

@Trauma, I think most kids think their father is disappointed in them; I know I felt that way. It seemed no matter what I did; I just couldn't measure up.
however I have talked with my mom about this( my father is deceased) and she told me that my father was very proud of me; I just couldn't see it, and part of it was my father's inability to express his feelings.

I don't know if this is your situation or not, but I suspect your father is not nearly as disappointed in you as you think he is.

 

[Deleted member 27340]

I think xxx, and because of that I feel yyy.
SO the statement, I'm a total failure would become:
I think that I'm a total failure, and because of that I feel lost and sad.

I wrote that down on a note and put it on the side of the drawer by my desk. Thanks :hug:

There's always a thought that goes with a feeling. Always. Thoughts trigger feelings, often - but the thoughts themselves are pretty neutral.

I will try to keep this concept in mind. It's fairly easy to grasp, I just need to keep it there and not forget it.

@RussH That sounds very much like my own situation. My father isn't completely unable to express his feelings, but he has a habit of expressing all stronger/overwhelming emotions as anger. For instance, an incident that took place yesterday, when he grabbed my wrist to stop me from leaving for my room (we had a fight where he was mad at me and yelled because I don't talk to him about my feelings) I freaked and became, in his words, "hysterical". I'm having troubles seeing my reaction as particularly unusual in a situation where someone is holding you so you can't get away, even if that someone probably won't hurt you. First I just tried to get my wrist loose, that didn't work so I started screaming for him to let go, but he wouldn't so some switch inside me flipped over and I went straight into "fight" mode. I hit and kicked him to get loose and screamed and totally freaked out. A while after he said "You're going straight back to the teens' ward!" and yelled and stuff... he would, to anyone else, look pissed off, but I think he was scared. He didn't send me back to the ward, though.

Anyway... I think there's just a bunch of poor communication between us. I try to talk to him about stuff and be open and all, and I felt like I had done that so much better the past couple weeks, but one of his arguments in the fight yesterday was that I obviously don't even try to talk to him because I never, ever do. I don't know.

 

[RussH]

stronger/overwhelming emotions as anger

whenever I would get into an accident and get hurt my father would always get angry at me, and my mom explained to me that was how he expressed his concern over me getting hurt.
It sounds like your dad may be similar to mine.

 

[Deleted member 27340]

@RussH It does. He's not abusive, but he does hurt me sometimes, emotionally. I don't feel like I can make too much out of it, though, because I know I'm probably hurting him too by simply not trusting him.

 

[RussH]

Trauma,
If you can find a way; talk to him. I am guessing your dad loves you, and he is proud of you, but just don't know how to show it.
Let him know that you love him.
You can do it, and let him know you want to talk to him, but you don't want him to get angry, just listen.
I don't know if it will help, but I think it might.

 

[Ronin]

I'd just respond people can do valuable things on the internet and leave it at that. In all spheres of society, communication and activity that's doable online can help (... and not). It's not less valid and real just because it's on the internet. That's some technophobic distortion and others' problem, not yours.

Even if you can't go out at the time, you can still be a valuable member of society with what you do, and you're still valuable member of society just by being.

Though I'm seeing it simply may be care in say your Dad's case. A 'please talk to me, I don't like that you're on the internet and not with people I see as real and present people, and people I can keep you safe with'.

You're not bothering anyone by venting, Trauma.