I feel like a stranger in my own life

[Smile]

I’m so lost. I don’t feel like I’m living... no concept of time... sooo sleep deprived... using every ounce of energy to get through the next hour.

About 1-2 months ago I moved states back to my mom’s. Can barely remember life before today. Don’t miss anything. It’s like I’m dlowl losing all my emotions.

Since the move I’ve had way too many triggers. So many that at this point I don’t know if my fears are real or just memories. Which leads me to make some questionable choices... I think.

I’m so tired all the time and constantly getting sick.

Each time I type “I” it feels foreign. Don’t feel like “I” exist any longer.

 

[Friday]

Each time I type “I” it feels foreign. Don’t feel like “I” exist any longer.

So the technical term is “depersonalization”.

I cheat-sheet

- Depersonalization = I’m not real
- Derealization = The world isn’t real

They’re both forms of disassociation.

Makes total sense you’re there, right now, with everything going on in your life.

Grounding can definitely help, with this one, but IME changing the structural parts of my life that I’m reacting to by checking out, helps more. Even if I can only do it in pieces. Like deliberately taking an hour to go elsewhere, where I can be myself... and ideally turn that into an hour a day, every day, that I can go elsewhere & be myself = building that routine into my life... starts to give me a platform where I can start making more changes to my life.

It’s slow going, doing it that way, I prefer to change everything all at once... but when the situation is such that I cannot change everything all at once? It stops the downward spiral, and gives me an escape hatch.

 

[Smile]

So the technical term is “depersonalization”.

I cheat-sheet

- Depersonalization = I’m not real
-...

Thank you. It helps so much to put a name to it... so I can understand it better. I will google that as well as IME.

I’m glad it’s working for you and hope it keeps on keeping on :)

Ohhh, IME= in my experience? Hah ... brain not functioning.

I’m not seeing a T or Psychiatrist at the moment. Is this something that goes away on its own?

 

[Friday]

I’m not seeing a T or Psychiatrist at the moment. Is this something that goes away on its own?

I didn’t see a T or Psychiatrist the first time I got very symptomatic, I just worked on things I didn’t like, in every way I could think to / or learn from others, until I was happy with my life. Essentially, everything I didn’t like was on a list, and I just went down it, item by item, from the most annoying/infuriating & biggest problems/daily problems down to the mildly irritating or rare.

Doing it that way is re-inventing the wheel, and it has the potential to miss big things (like I only went after symptoms, because that’s what was causing problems in my life, I didn’t go after the root cause ie Trauma), but you have to figure, PTSD has been around since the dawn of time, and we haven’t always had therapists, so it’s what people just used to do.

So... my experience is little to nothing just goes away on it’s own, I have to work at it... but I don’t have to have a therapist or psychiatrist to do so. They make working on stuff easier. Which is why I sought out experts this time around. But that’s what experts do, make shit easier, not make shit possible.