I Feel Like I'm Too Attached To My Therapist

[livingwiththis]

I have been seeing my therapist for three years now she means so much to me I started as a paying client and when I could no longer afford it she started seeing me probono she let's me text and email her between sessions and when I text her and don't get a response right away I get disappointed she has helped me through a lot of stuff and has been there for me through a lot I just don't know how to deal when I'm done a session and have to leave her office I feel alone like why am I so attached? Does anyone else feel attached?

 

[desiderata310]

yup.
Right here! and I am the type that tries very hard NOT to connect. The problem is that we have opened ourselves up to these people and so that connection is very intimate and very NOT at the same time. I think that a client/therapist relationship is one of the most bizarre relationships with so much push-me, pull-you in it that it's hard to figure out how to feel towards these people. It's a professional relationship where they get to know more about us than our best friends but they aren't exactly our friends but they care about us..

bizarre.

I've been trying to sort through mine recently. My therapist went through a bad spot last week and shut down because he has lyme disease- it seems that it knocks you out emotionally and physically. Essentially, he was serving from an empty cup. we also talked about him trying to quit smoking. The session wasn't about him but it helped to hear this. I was able to give suggestions that he had not considered. It isn't that we are friends but how else should you feel about someone who gets to know you so well?

I am always having to 'check' myself and remind myself that he sees clients all day- not just me.

 

[shimmerz]

I get this as well (as children are meant to do this and probably attachment issues started during this time). I walk in, however, recognizing that I will attach to whoever I am seeking help from but will be responsible for owning it myself once I trust the person. Realizing that they have shown me that I am valuable (at least to them) and keeping that for myself and not asking them to validate that anymore.

I believe many people stop at leaving responsibility with their t's and dropping it on their laps never realizing that they need to pick up the ball themselves, just as parents who teach attachment well transfer power and control to their children as they grow.

 

[mrsps]

I agree with all of the above.
Im am usually a very independent sort of person I learnt from a young age to fend for myself and spent most of my time alone. But I find myself so attached to my T. It really hurts at times, she is the person I want to tell everything to, every little thing that happens during the week in between appointments she is the first person I think of telling. I love my T and will be sad when I stop seeing her. The thing is I care about her and she really means something to me and I know that when I stop needing her anymore that care I have for her wont go away. She has really touched my life in a way no one else has. Yes I know its her job but she has also gone out of her way to help me.

 

[livingwiththis]

Thanks for the replies I feel a little less alone on this

 

[GWhizz]

I can really relate. Likewise, I do not usually allow myself to get easily attached and I even hold back a lot in the therapeutic relationship too.

But I think this is a natural and inevitable part of therapy, especially for trauma/abuse survivors, because we have never known such unconditional positive regard.

Again, I know it's my T's job, but I also feel like she's gone above and beyond for me. She makes herself available to me whenever, takes extra calls etc. and has done her best to deal with my push/pull relationship with her.

It's really confusing at times but it is a human relationship and much more profound than most you'll ever experience.

For me, my T is up there with the love of my life and my child, in terms of how much she means to me. I don't think I'd still be alive right now if it weren't for her. Yes I feel needy, dependent etc but I know she is helping me to work towards standing on my own 2 feet and building coping strategies and personal supports, to be independent in my life.