H
Heythere2017
I have a good relationship with my therapist, in many ways she's the best therapist I've had to date, and I've tried out a few. However, this isn't saying much as it sounds (I've had some awful experiences in therapy).
My gripe with my current therapist is that she's too unemotional. I've decided to see a relational therapist, because I hated the whole blank canvas Freudian approach, I felt like they were quietly judging me and everything I said was wrong, since they barely reacted to anything I said, no matter how distressing. Although my current therapist is not as bad as some I've seen in the past, who spoke in riddles, I am finding her too unemotional still, and I could be finishing telling me some of the most distressing stories from my past, and her response is like 'mmm'.
If I ask if she understands, she can intellectually repeat back to me what she's understood, and it'd be absolutely right, yet I find myself feeling as if I just told her a story about what dinner I ate yesterday, from how little she emotionally reacts. It's making me feel like everything I say is wrong, and I'm expecting her to interject and say 'but...' like no, it's really my fault, or no I got it wrong again, although she rarely if ever has actually said something like it. It's just a feeling I get from how much she resembles a human computer, and is calm and like nothing at all times, no matter how distressing my stories are. It's gotten to the point I find myself not wanting to tell her any more of my past stories, yet that's what I've gone to therapy to talk about, trauma from the past (and present).
I've tried discussing the matter with her, yet I've not gotten a great response from her. She said very little on the matter and seems closed off. The situation on the whole has not changed. Even if on the whole I do feel safer and more comfortable with her than the beginning. But I still don't want to tell her my stories. I am bracing myself for disappointment, and feeling like I knew it, no one understands me, I'm all alone, when I bracing myself for how little she's going to emotionally react, no matter what I say.
Apart from this, therapy seems a little directionless, like the sessions are disconnects with no particular path it's going on. I've addressed this as well, and not gotten a clear answer, and nothing seems to have changed either. Although I've addressed other things with her and I felt she did empathise and has taken them onboard.
Overall, I've gotten to a point where I don't feel like I'm expecting her to be on my side, which may be my issue, but with my level of self-doubt, I'm always unsure of myself and my mind. All I know is I find myself wanting to break it off with her, and trying someone else more emotional. But I find myself blaming myself that it's my fault and my issue it's not working, as I've not felt like I've clicked with other therapists in the past for other reasons.
My gripe with my current therapist is that she's too unemotional. I've decided to see a relational therapist, because I hated the whole blank canvas Freudian approach, I felt like they were quietly judging me and everything I said was wrong, since they barely reacted to anything I said, no matter how distressing. Although my current therapist is not as bad as some I've seen in the past, who spoke in riddles, I am finding her too unemotional still, and I could be finishing telling me some of the most distressing stories from my past, and her response is like 'mmm'.
If I ask if she understands, she can intellectually repeat back to me what she's understood, and it'd be absolutely right, yet I find myself feeling as if I just told her a story about what dinner I ate yesterday, from how little she emotionally reacts. It's making me feel like everything I say is wrong, and I'm expecting her to interject and say 'but...' like no, it's really my fault, or no I got it wrong again, although she rarely if ever has actually said something like it. It's just a feeling I get from how much she resembles a human computer, and is calm and like nothing at all times, no matter how distressing my stories are. It's gotten to the point I find myself not wanting to tell her any more of my past stories, yet that's what I've gone to therapy to talk about, trauma from the past (and present).
I've tried discussing the matter with her, yet I've not gotten a great response from her. She said very little on the matter and seems closed off. The situation on the whole has not changed. Even if on the whole I do feel safer and more comfortable with her than the beginning. But I still don't want to tell her my stories. I am bracing myself for disappointment, and feeling like I knew it, no one understands me, I'm all alone, when I bracing myself for how little she's going to emotionally react, no matter what I say.
Apart from this, therapy seems a little directionless, like the sessions are disconnects with no particular path it's going on. I've addressed this as well, and not gotten a clear answer, and nothing seems to have changed either. Although I've addressed other things with her and I felt she did empathise and has taken them onboard.
Overall, I've gotten to a point where I don't feel like I'm expecting her to be on my side, which may be my issue, but with my level of self-doubt, I'm always unsure of myself and my mind. All I know is I find myself wanting to break it off with her, and trying someone else more emotional. But I find myself blaming myself that it's my fault and my issue it's not working, as I've not felt like I've clicked with other therapists in the past for other reasons.
