I feel lost - Exploring ADHD/Autism Spectrum, Trauma, and Identity Crisis

mszl

Platinum Member
I feel lost. My therapist suspects I’m on the ADHD/Autism spectrum. Now I feel even more lost on what is really happening with me. How much of this is spectrum, how much trauma and how much of its fallout in the form of C-PTSD, or am I just a very weak person. I still don’t know who I am and what I want in life while being halfway in it.
 
I scored high but below the threshold for ADHD. My therapist told me that she thought my wife might have ADHD and she gave me a bunch of stuff to read about ADHD. I read it all and came back the next week and it sounded a lot more like me than my wife. That is when she did a bunch of testing and was diagnosed with PTSD. I suspect there is a lot of similarities the testing picks up.
 
There's some theories that ADHD and autism are developed from early childhood trauma. But it hasn't really been fully researched. But know if you have PTSD, autism, and ADHD, there will be a lot of overlap and that doesn't invalidate the diagnosises, it just means you're a person. No one can be clearly categorized into labels anyways.
 
How much of this is spectrum, how much trauma and how much of its fallout in the form of C-PTSD, or am I just a very weak person.
That’s situation normal, whenever a person is comorbid in 2 or more disorders. Regardless of what those disorders are

What Is…
- A
- B
- A+B
- AB
- AB = Z, or ZA, or ZB, or ZAB
- A triggers B triggers A triggers B triggers AB triggers B triggers A
- AB+X ≠ any variation of ABX AXBX, etc., but Y???
- etc.

Being able to do so? Takes practice.

And even with years & decades of practice, sometimes there’s simply no way to tell which is which. But? It’s not distressing to not know which, as all those years mean you’ve got the protocol doooooown of how to handle whatever’s going on.

So, you’re totally normal. 😎 You’re “just” in the reeling stage of not even knowing what, if any, other comorbids are on board; much less have all the mad skills to deal with both of them individually, together, & wacky end results of neither (1+1=Jellyfish).


There's some theories that ADHD and autism are developed from early childhood trauma. But it hasn't really been fully researched. But know if you have PTSD, autism, and ADHD, there will be a lot of overlap and that doesn't invalidate the diagnosises, it just means you're a person. No one can be clearly categorized into labels anyways.
It’s an exclusion, for ADHD. If ADHD “LIKE” symptoms are caused by malnutrition, allergy, pregnancy, sleep deprivation, illness, injury, trauma, present in one environment but not another, parenting choices, career choices, etc.? It’s not ADHD, as ADHD isn’t an acquired condition, but an inherited one. It’s the brain you’re born with.

It’s like if someone responds with PTSD “LIKE” symptoms from ordinary events? That’s a huge waving red flag that they DO have a condition, that is causing them to react to the color orange or chocolate or cats or camping or cutting in line, or whatever, the same way neurotypical people react to rape/murder/torture/combat/abuse, etc.
 
I feel lost. My therapist suspects I’m on the ADHD/Autism spectrum. Now I feel even more lost on what is really happening with me. How much of this is spectrum, how much trauma and how much of its fallout in the form of C-PTSD, or am I just a very weak person. I still don’t know who I am and what I want in life while being halfway in it.
Wow, I could have written that myself word for word. History of complex trauma, on the autism spectrum. Often wondering who I am.

One thing is for sure, your not a weak person. In my experience though there's something really beautiful about questioning who you are and what you want in life when your middle aged. Because you can make decisions and choices from an informed adult perspective. That rocks!!! That's a great place to be! To a certain degree you actually get to choose whatever the hell you want to be and start working towards it.

The world is your oyster...
 
That’s situation normal, whenever a person is comorbid in 2 or more disorders. Regardless of what those disorders are

What Is…
- A
- B
- A+B
- AB
- AB = Z, or ZA, or ZB, or ZAB
- A triggers B triggers A triggers B triggers AB triggers B triggers A
- AB+X ≠ any variation of ABX AXBX, etc., but Y???
- etc.

Being able to do so? Takes practice.

And even with years & decades of practice, sometimes there’s simply no way to tell which is which. But? It’s not distressing to not know which, as all those years mean you’ve got the protocol doooooown of how to handle whatever’s going on.

So, you’re totally normal. 😎 You’re “just” in the reeling stage of not even knowing what, if any, other comorbids are on board; much less have all the mad skills to deal with both of them individually, together, & wacky end results of neither (1+1=Jellyfish).



It’s an exclusion, for ADHD. If ADHD “LIKE” symptoms are caused by malnutrition, allergy, pregnancy, sleep deprivation, illness, injury, trauma, present in one environment but not another, parenting choices, career choices, etc.? It’s not ADHD, as ADHD isn’t an acquired condition, but an inherited one. It’s the brain you’re born with.

It’s like if someone responds with PTSD “LIKE” symptoms from ordinary events? That’s a huge waving red flag that they DO have a condition, that is causing them to react to the color orange or chocolate or cats or camping or cutting in line, or whatever, the same way neurotypical people react to rape/murder/torture/combat/abuse, etc.
I think it can be hard to know what you're born with vs. what developed in your brain between ages 0-2 let's say. It's just a theory so we don't have to really lean into it much, but to me it I could definitely see that trauma in such early years may make really strong changes in the brain.
 
I think it can be hard to know what you're born with vs. what developed in your brain between ages 0-2 let's say. It's just a theory so we don't have to really lean into it much, but to me it I could definitely see that trauma in such early years may make really strong changes in the brain.
It’s really not hard to trace genetics, however. If one is ONLY studying trauma victims? Then it might be hard to know what runs in families; IE by way of hereditary, vs by way of experience, vs both (dormant genes activated under certain conditions, only). The whole nature/nurture/both, thing. But 4-6% of the population has ADHD. The general population. There are not clusters of higher rates of ADHD amongst trauma, climate, ethnicity, diet, region, religion, parenting styles, etc. etc. etc. Which were all theories back in the 70s & 80s, and so thoroughly disproven, (and heredity proven), that it was reclassified.

Argued for in the DSMIV (THAT long ago!) & finally changed in the DSM5. Partly that was politics, as other key features were also argued (that it’s not a childhood disorder, which it isn’t; that all 3 types have a hyperactive component -physical, mental, & combined type); as well as a host of minor tweaks. But there wasn’t enough data to make such profound changes all at the same time (in no small part because it had become a “pop-illness” in the 80s, so data was diluted) and because genetics research was absolutely exploding at the time. So it was (to oversimplify) “Get some distance from the 80s BS that diluted understanding; some rock solid longitudinal evidence from socialized med countries that will be looking at a over a century/6+ generations by the time of the next edition; and FFS use the new toys (genetics & genome) to add as much hard science as possible.

Hereditary proven =

1. the only population clusters? Bloodlines/Families, occupations/careers, & “recreational” stimulant use/abuse.
2. It’s in our coding DNA, rather than our non-coding /junk DNA (which requires activation). I haven’t looked up, recently, to see if we know the exact gene sequences, but even 20 years ago we knew roughly where it lived in the genome.

Is there a lot of crossover between Spectrum, ADHD, & PTSD? Yep! There’s sooooome crossover with ALL disorders & conditions, as all disorders share symptoms… but some disorders share more than others. (Just look at what a disorder’s most commonly misdiagnosis are to find its nearest. Like PTSD is commonly misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder, or anxiety & depression.) ADHD & Bipolar Disorder actually share soooooo many symptoms, far far more than PTSD & Bipolar share, that they’re considered “sister-disorders” & often the only way to determine which is which? Is a medication trial. (That also tells you they’re not the same disorder on a spectrum).

***

Just to touch on a few shared symptoms between Autism Spectrum, ADHD, & PTSD?

1. The constant flood/influx of information that neurotypical people not only filter out unconsciously, but can do deliberately to an even greater degree

- Autism Spectrum is the most severe (of these 3); on all the time, with no way to filter or organise, nor learn to filter nor organise; only life long coping strategies (or certain oblivion/sensory depriving-drugs) have any effect.
- ADHD is on all the time, but whilst unfiltered, ADHD brains appear to learn to organise it unconsciously, and coping strategies will be necessary 24/7/365 for the duration of their natural lives. Sensory depriving drugs are often used in conjunction, but are (most often) specific to the disorder, as the same drugs that reduce sensory input in ADHD brains, increase it in neurotypical brains.
- PTSD only experiences it in brief episodes of hypervigilance that, like all PTSD symptoms can be completely eliminated.

^^^ Only Spectrum & ADHD (out of these 3) include MASSIVE dysreg as a natural consequence/effect (Autistic & ADHD sensory meltdowns) that can be mistaken for PTSD/Trauma trigger meltdowns/episodes/psychosis, or bipolar “mixed episode” (ripping the clothes off of your body, screaming, hitting/kicking/biting, throwing furniture, breaking everything within sight, smashing yourself into walls/floors, self harm, & suicide). By adulthood most HFA (high functioning autism) & ADHD peeps have learned to a) manage their sensory exposure / windows of tolerance / emotional monitoring & regulation to limit the number & severity of these meltdowns, & b) how to get somewhere private, so even the lesser versions of them are not inflicted on others (both animate & inanimate).

There are many many many other disorders that share “too much information” &/or “sensory processing” issues. Some notable ones? Schizophrenia & schizoaffective disorders, SPD (sensory processing disorder), GAD (general anxiety disorder), OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), & certain types of eating disorders.

2. Okay this got long, so I’m not going to compare & contrast symptom sets anymore right nooooooow but they CAN be done, for every single shared symptom, of every disorder.
 
It’s really not hard to trace genetics, however. If one is ONLY studying trauma victims? Then it might be hard to know what runs in families; IE by way of hereditary, vs by way of experience, vs both (dormant genes activated under certain conditions, only). The whole nature/nurture/both, thing. But 4-6% of the population has ADHD. The general population. There are not clusters of higher rates of ADHD amongst trauma, climate, ethnicity, diet, region, religion, parenting styles, etc. etc. etc. Which were all theories back in the 70s & 80s, and so thoroughly disproven, (and heredity proven), that it was reclassified.

Argued for in the DSMIV (THAT long ago!) & finally changed in the DSM5. Partly that was politics, as other key features were also argued (that it’s not a childhood disorder, which it isn’t; that all 3 types have a hyperactive component -physical, mental, & combined type); as well as a host of minor tweaks. But there wasn’t enough data to make such profound changes all at the same time (in no small part because it had become a “pop-illness” in the 80s, so data was diluted) and because genetics research was absolutely exploding at the time. So it was (to oversimplify) “Get some distance from the 80s BS that diluted understanding; some rock solid longitudinal evidence from socialized med countries that will be looking at a over a century/6+ generations by the time of the next edition; and FFS use the new toys (genetics & genome) to add as much hard science as possible.

Hereditary proven =

1. the only population clusters? Bloodlines/Families, occupations/careers, & “recreational” stimulant use/abuse.
2. It’s in our coding DNA, rather than our non-coding /junk DNA (which requires activation). I haven’t looked up, recently, to see if we know the exact gene sequences, but even 20 years ago we knew roughly where it lived in the genome.

Is there a lot of crossover between Spectrum, ADHD, & PTSD? Yep! There’s sooooome crossover with ALL disorders & conditions, as all disorders share symptoms… but some disorders share more than others. (Just look at what a disorder’s most commonly misdiagnosis are to find its nearest. Like PTSD is commonly misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder, or anxiety & depression.) ADHD & Bipolar Disorder actually share soooooo many symptoms, far far more than PTSD & Bipolar share, that they’re considered “sister-disorders” & often the only way to determine which is which? Is a medication trial. (That also tells you they’re not the same disorder on a spectrum).

***

Just to touch on a few shared symptoms between Autism Spectrum, ADHD, & PTSD?

1. The constant flood/influx of information that neurotypical people not only filter out unconsciously, but can do deliberately to an even greater degree

- Autism Spectrum is the most severe (of these 3); on all the time, with no way to filter or organise, nor learn to filter nor organise; only life long coping strategies (or certain oblivion/sensory depriving-drugs) have any effect.
- ADHD is on all the time, but whilst unfiltered, ADHD brains appear to learn to organise it unconsciously, and coping strategies will be necessary 24/7/365 for the duration of their natural lives. Sensory depriving drugs are often used in conjunction, but are (most often) specific to the disorder, as the same drugs that reduce sensory input in ADHD brains, increase it in neurotypical brains.
- PTSD only experiences it in brief episodes of hypervigilance that, like all PTSD symptoms can be completely eliminated.

^^^ Only Spectrum & ADHD (out of these 3) include MASSIVE dysreg as a natural consequence/effect (Autistic & ADHD sensory meltdowns) that can be mistaken for PTSD/Trauma trigger meltdowns/episodes/psychosis, or bipolar “mixed episode” (ripping the clothes off of your body, screaming, hitting/kicking/biting, throwing furniture, breaking everything within sight, smashing yourself into walls/floors, self harm, & suicide). By adulthood most HFA (high functioning autism) & ADHD peeps have learned to a) manage their sensory exposure / windows of tolerance / emotional monitoring & regulation to limit the number & severity of these meltdowns, & b) how to get somewhere private, so even the lesser versions of them are not inflicted on others (both animate & inanimate).

There are many many many other disorders that share “too much information” &/or “sensory processing” issues. Some notable ones? Schizophrenia & schizoaffective disorders, SPD (sensory processing disorder), GAD (general anxiety disorder), OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), & certain types of eating disorders.

2. Okay this got long, so I’m not going to compare & contrast symptom sets anymore right nooooooow but they CAN be done, for every single shared symptom, of every disorder.
Thanks for the information, I'm definitely not expert on this stuff but I'd heard/seen a theory about it. I think IN GENERAL, the psychology industry has too many disorders, multiple things mean the same thing and then they realize it is the same thing.
 
The more I educate about autism in adults the more I'm convinced I fit the criteria. I tick some of the symptoms but overall I think I'm toe deep in the spectrum at most. As for ADHD, I'll have final assessment mid December.
 
As for ADHD, I'll have final assessment mid December.
You can quick test yourself; drink 8 shots of espresso in 30 seconds, and lay down. Do you fall asleep, or get dreamy… or are you up till tomorrow? It’s the definitive test for ADHD; how you react to stimulants? Caffeine is mild enough not to kick off mixed episodes in most bipolar folk, just a bit of vexing insomnia for neurotypical folk, but dozy calm in adhd folk.

There ARE other disorders/conditions with opposite-stimulant-reaction, ADHD has to be suspected, for the “coke test” to be valid.

ETA… It’s also not valid when other meds are already on board. The premier mental health facility in my region has a twice annual event where they take people misdiagnosed with adhd AND bipolar disorder AND take them off of all medication… in order to find the correct diagnosis. (Those 2 disorders cannot exist in the same person. But it used to be a common misdiagnosis, as ADHD was a pop-dx for a decade, so people were mass medicated, and then given more and more and more medications to deal with the side effects, until there is no way on planet earth to tell what they’re actually dealing with, until all the meds have been purged). It’s a couple/few months inpatient process to wean people off of the cornucopia of stimulants, depressants, anti-anxiety, anti-depressant, anti-psychotic, mood stabilizers, blood pressure, nausea, sleeping pills, etc. they’ve been put on. So only undertake an OTC stimulant test if you’re relatively virgin.
 
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