Relationship I feel so alone in this

[Traumababy]

Hi.
I couldn’t find a better title and I’m not even sure where to start, but I’ll try. My name is Maddie, I’m in my 20s and I suffer from physical disabilities causing me to still live with my mom.
I grew up in a very abusive home. My dad had antisocial personality disorder and narcissism. My mom have avoidant PD, borderline and PTSD caused by the abuse from my father.
They got divorced 2,5 years ago and around 7 months ago I ended all contact with my father.
The thing is that my mom is abusive at times, and it seems to be related to her PTSD. When she gets angry she’ll compare me to my dad, tell me I’m just like him, I’m a psychopath and a narcissist who doesn’t love her, she’ll call me slurs like fat, spoiled bitch etc. she’ll tell me to move in with my father since I ‘clearly is just like him and love him so much more’. At times she’ll get physically abusive as well. Not long ago she jumped on me and knocked me to the floor while screaming in my face.
I’m so scared at and for her at this point.
I love my mom so much but I cannot stand this abuse. Her yelling and verbal abuse is giving me flashbacks to my childhood traumas. It’s taking such a tool on my mental health (I suffer from autism and is recovered from OCD, anxiety, depression, ED and more) and takes me right back to self destructive, depressive thoughts of “I’m nothing but a burden, I’m a horrible person, everyone would be better off without me, and so on)

Last year I finally convinced her to get psychiatric help. She went a couple of times but when she was given a diagnosis of borderline she was furious. She dropped out and refuses to go back.

I’m not sure what the point of this is other than I needed to get it out somewhere. I’m feeling so alone in this because I know she’s not evil, this is her traumas talking, but that doesn’t mean it’s not abuse.
Thank you to those taking the time to read this.
- Maddie

 

[Mytime]

Hi Maddie, welcome to the forum. Please know your not at all a mad person. In fact you are a very strong and compassionate person. You have done a lot of work on yourself, so don’t let anyone take that away from you. Is there anyway for you to move out and live on your own? You don’t deserve to be abused. You are worthy of a life of happiness. You just need to take care of you. Sending hugs if you except.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Hi Maddie,

No matter what, mental illness does not excuse that kind of abuse. I'm sorry you're having such a rough go of it. It's not fair.

 

[Snowflakes]

I suffer from physical disabilities

At times she’ll get physically abusive as well.

I’m so scared at and for her at this point.

this is her traumas talking, but that doesn’t mean it’s not abuse.

As pointed out by @Sweetpea76 mental illness is not an excuse to abuse someone.

I quoted these specific quotes from your post because, as one who worked in Court Ops involving Domestic Violence, you meet the criteria of a DV victim and your post is a cry for help. You are in a situation that you believe you cannot leave, you are being physically assaulted, and you fear for your safety.

Under the ADA Act, assuming you live in the US, domestic shelters must be able to accommodate you with your disabilities. Furthermore, many jurisdictions have enhanced laws to protect victims of abuse who are disabled or elderly.

I am sorry you are going through this and living in fear is not a good way to live. I would gently suggest you contact a domestic violence hotline, tell your story as you related it here, and ask for help. If your first call is unsatisfactory, then find another. There are organizations and State programs that can help you.

Take care.

 

[Been There]

Hi.
I couldn’t find a better title and I’m not even sure where to start, but I’ll try. My name...

Maddie:. My heart went out to you when I read your post. I was in a marriage for ten years with a husband, who although undiagnosed, I am convinced is a borderline. He has almost every symptom to a T. In addition, I think he also has traits of narcissistic personality disorder & antisocial personality disorder. I know so well the daily struggle & heartbreak you are living. Please get out. As another response said, call a domestic violence shelter! I know you love your mother, but you cannot help her. Borderlines, unless they recognize they are sick & need therapy (which happens rarely unfortunately), will drive you to the point of madness & physical breakdown. When I left my ex after 10 years of abuse while trying to help him, I was broken mentally, physically, & financially. But, after 3 years I am healing. You can too. Maddie, you are worthy. You are deserving. You have the right to happiness. You have the right to peace. Please get the help you need! I will be sending you good thoughts & hugs if you accept them.