I feel so off, so stupid, so stuck

[SeekingAfrica]

Do you have a pet?

Sadly no. And while I'm here visiting for 2 months, it's not an option, as I am a guest.

Do you have a stuffie that you love to cuddle with. This has really helped me so much as unbelievable as this may seem. For so many years, I scoffed at the idea but now I sleep with three and I do not feel hug deprived anymore. Are you able to lay down and just rest for a little while? Have you eaten some healthy food lately? This also makes me feel so much better. It is the little things. Do you have a candle that you could light for its cozy little flame? Incense?

Thank you for all the ideas. Actually after I wrote that I ended up even sicker, having a really nasty cold, so implementing anything needs to wait. And you know how resting ends up when you're sick. I don't have any of these things here, I didn't bring them with me from home. But may be once I'm feeling better I may get some. I like the idea of stuffie as I never had many of those, but they do make me feel calmer/safer, and when I'm anxious I feel usually really vulnerable...so if it works...why not? I'll try it out.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Today is the first day I'm a little less sick, and I was waiting on that moment to be able to have the energy to do things again. Even when I was in the beginning of the flu and with fever I did my work. But today I woke up both depressed and anxious and pushing through to do anything feels so much harder than when I was sick.

There are the voices of the depression, telling me it's useless to try and I'm too late and whatever I do will be too late.
There are the voices of anxiety telling me I'm stupid and incapable of change and even if I were no one gets so many chances to fix things and I already failed.
There is the nervousness brain fog, that feeling that everything needs to get done, but I can not name a single task I can start with.
That desire of my brain to just slip away from all this pain and just sleep, just for that day, just not-be-present, whatever that means. Even awake, to just barely be present, so I don't have to feel so stuck.
I'm trying to fight it.