Sufferer I Feel So Very Guilty

[leftovers]

Hello, my name is leftovers.

I saw something that will stay with me for a very, very long time. I am not even sure why I am even on this site, but I have to do something.

People can be evil to the core and I witnessed a very bad man kill a 20 year old boy by slamming his head into the cement until it cracked like an egg. I am not sure if this is a good intro, but I am trying to find some help.

I have nightmares,and sometimes I wake up screaming the word NO! I could have tried to stop the fight but I didn't I just sat on my seat and watch it happen. Yes this happened in jail, but it doesn't make it okay because the kid was in for some stupid stuff he did, the cops messed up bad and he is dead.

People tell me that if you would have tried to stop it he would have killed me to. Wow that makes me feel all better. No it does not. leftovers

 

[Phoenix Under]

leftovers,
You did not do anything wrong. You did not bash that kids head in. What you saw traumatized you. Be kind to yourself. For me personal research helps me to deal with PTSD as it helps me to see that I have a normal response to a very abnormal situation. There is plenty of info here, plus people that can share their coping skills and offer support.

 

[shikira]

Hi,

I refuse to acknowledge you by the 'leftovers' name, so is it okay to call you "amazingly fantastic"?????

You should never (ever) have witnessed something so hideous and I am so sorry that you had. No one can ever know what it feels like to be subjected to something like what you have described, and I truly hope that the person who did this, gets their time, and not just inside jail.

No one can tell you if this person would have done the same to you, yet I can tell you that if he/she had have done, that their sentencing would be for eternity. Also, their own conscience would always be left fearing and not knowing what would come to them as a result.

Asking yourself "what could have been done" to save the young man from this torture and killing is never going to stop the fact that it happened - (with) or (without) your intervention. Perhaps you could have gotten hurt, yet what is (so) very-very important here is that you made yourself 'safe' from something outside of your control. Did you deserve to get bashed too? - of course not, and you have every right to know and believe this!

Justice for raw criminals will come in ways you least expect it. Not that is of any help to your thoughts and feelings about it, but someone bigger, someone mightier will always come through and end the suffering of an insane criminal in one way or another. You could have done nothing beneficial in this situation (unless) you risked getting injured yourself, and just because you felt helpless to do something does not mean that you were at fault for not saving the victim's life. Your true and good intentions were there right at the start, so that is something to feel incredibly proud, not something that should ever make you feel bad.

You are a "lucky star" as they say - someone who can witness immense cruelty and rise above the hideous temptation to get revenge. This means something more than even you will know, and you will thrive as an amazing and liberated individual the more you write about your experiences, become strengthened as a person in your own right and know just how incredibly insightful you are.

The person who suffered will have (felt) and known your need to intervene, even if it was never spoken: we are highly perceptive as people and our knowing of others' suffering is something we typically do more to underestimate. They will have suffered far (less) knowing that you gave thought to wanting to help them - this person will know that you gave that thought and never want you to fight the criminal who did what they had.

There is so much to be said about the invisible-torch: we shine that light in people's direction and they truly know when we have done so.

You are brave, amazing and should never (ever) feel as though you could have done something more than this.