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I Feel That I Can And Deserve Better

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SeanCharles

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After the work week I've had that today concluded, I have come to realize that despite that I am being told positive things, I am getting and feeling a lot of negativity from Top Officials on down the management.

A bit of history here which may trigger, not only myself but others...

In 1988, I graduated from one of my local high schools (This particular school that I attended happened to be the historical first High school.) and at the time I had known that I could graduate that year even though I had a rough four years! With the diagnosis of ADHD and a few other diagnoses that I didn't know were even there, ptsd being thrown in there, and being medicated for the ADHD, I did accomplish this major accomplish at the age of 17!

Prior to graduation, a plan had been laid for me which was for me to first work on a garden project that spring. I learned quite a bit about gardening and in ways had a bit of fun being with a few of the future high school students who would either enter high school or would continue their education. Again as part of the plan which was prior to the end of the garden project , I moved into a program which came with an apartment and a job training component.

<Sean> Hi! I needed to jump in and quickly explain that I was an outside observer during this period of time. This program was quite different than most experiences that I watched Geordie experience. In fact, this was one of the reasons that I was absent for reasons that I can't and won't explain in this post.
Watching Geordie through this program which in many ways attempted to set him up for failure. (this program was funded by Geordie's nemesis Vocational Rehabilitation and also an agency that is also a nemesis. In ways though Geordie made it through with flying colors! luckily he even escaped criminal charges too! which I am proud of! That's another post entirely.

Basically there were six participants (including Geordie) in the program. There were four males and two females. Each pair had an apartment which they shared the rent of. Each roommate would buy their own groceries, etc. hopefully you get the idea here. Anyway, as supervised as this program was supposed to be, things happened! :( nothing too bad anyway, except some interesting lessons that were the precursor of things that would come to further lessons which Geordie will share here.

At the completion of the program, I approached the Vocational Rehab counselor and asked him what the plan was for me being that I didn't have idea where I'd be living. Fortunately for me, my mom and (step) Dad (another story which is another post or maybe will fit here too) had a rental unit which they 'saved' for me! It was a unit in a duplex that had two apartments side by side. Let the party begin...

I think I am going to try and pick this up tomorrow!
 
Let the party begin...

I had began socializing with my neighbors unbeknown to my parents. At first, I had been drinking beer with them. up to that point, I had been drinking thanks to the friendships that developed in a somewhat low profile to the program personnel. At one point I had started drinking JD and coffee! I had also been fighting for SSI with Social Security at the time and had appealed several times...

New Years Eve & Day 1989!

This was a turning point for me (us) as will be explained gradually.

<Tony> I was invited to their (the neighbors') new years party. After downing a beer, That night would reintroduce us to what would be the feeling of a familiar substance... Several times since moving into the apartment, I had maintained friendships with a few participants of the program. While they didn't know me as myself, even Geordie didn't, I (we) had continued to engage in the self-medicating ritual which began this very night.

Geordie: I know that posting what I have, and my internal family want to contribute is going to be doable, but how I can do this is something I am going to need to determine. Much of what I need to get out is in my head, and thus I think with it lingering in my head it's creating problems which are neurologically explained away as epilepsy which I suspect isn't the case. Even on medication, I am still having auras even though the last one didn't go into the intensity as the one on December of last year did. I think too what I am wondering is what is the max size (if there is one for posts?)
 
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