I feel ugly....

[Anarchy]

that's the "eternity thinking" of a flashback.

you are 27, you are neither old nor are you immature, guys check your looks out, you are in the top few percent academically, you are seriously physically fit, and you are working hard.

There are plenty of guys who would love to find a gentle girl with all of those qualities, rather than some in-your-face thoughtless bitchy woman...

 

[J_trustno1]

Thanks anarchy, it means a lot. It's that continuous dumping and never being appreciated by my father which has been getting me.

 

[Anarchy]

Try to mentally grasp the present, that each moment is new, and has never been like this before - this isn't the same shit again, it's a new moment, your father likely had his own shit that he dropped on you too - but he's not in your room.

this is now, his crap isn't now.

I don't know anyone who likes getting dumped, it hurts and we ask questions of ourselves when it happens, but it still happens. There are still relationships to be found out there.

For about two weeks each year, there are a bunch of assorted Kiwis working on my brother's farm, shearing. they're all colours, even if they're mostly one extended family and friends of that family. Could you see yourself dating someone from a culture that is a bit less desperate about getting their kids married? there might be a lot less pressure?

 

[J_trustno1]

I haven't thought of it that way Anarchy. The only culture which seems easy going about relationships is European but then again I have issues with sex, I will not have it with someone unless I love them and it is serious relationship. A lot of the guys only want to get into your pants and then you are non existent to the. I don't want to used and thrown like trash because I won't be able to forgive myself. I know I'm complex.

 

[shrinkingviolet]

Sounds to me that a little part of you does know that you are worthy of so much more, refusing to have sex without love. It is so healthy to set standards and boundaries for yourself. We do not pick our family, our childhood or how others treat us. You can choose what you will put up with now and what you won't. Your voice is important, your life is important and you deserve every chance at happiness. Anyone who tells you less does not deserve a place in your life, period.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I realize that @Anarchy can be a bit paranoid and such, but there is no need to troll your doctor. Any doctor who is worth a damn will listen to you when you say "I don't like this medication and I want to change" or "I don't like this medication and I want to stop" I don't understand the notion that we need to convince our doctors to "let" us change what we put in our bodies! Yes, they prescribe to us, but we are ultimately in charge of anything we put in our bodies. You don't need to convince your doctor of a damn thing. If you can't walk in there and tell your doc that you don't like your medication and you want to change, its time for a new doctor. ANY and Yes, I do mean ANY other division of medicine wouldn't question a desire for a drug change. The doctor would listen to you and work with you in order to find something that helps you the most with the least amount of side effects.

At this point you may want to detox off of drugs and see what happens. After this long you have no idea if its you or if its the drugs. You could argue that its a particular medication that is causing the problems, but what if you're sensitive to an entire class of medication? That is, switching from one antidepressant to another will continue the problem. (I've had that happen to me with both antidepressants and antipsychotics.....it was the main mechanism of the class of drugs that was causing problems as opposed to how one particular drug affected my system.)

I think a big part of the problem is that you're extrapolating TWO men to the entire human race.....we're at what, like 8 billion now? So 4 billion men? Can you see how this is a problem? You're letting two shitheads affect the rest of your life and assuming that all other guys are like that.

 

[J_trustno1]

Thanks @Solara. You are very right. I can talk to my doctor freely and will let her know that this increased dose is making me even worse. It's been a really long time for being on so many combinations of drugs and they are not helping me anymore. My doctor doesn't come back from easter break till Thursday and I'll have to be on this till then but i will go back to minimal dose. Secondly it has withdrawal symptoms and gives me nausea if I stop it all of a sudden. Therefore I will have to see her before getting off it permanently.