Hi, I found this place after a bad trigger and feeling the need to learn more about what's up and how to move onward.
I have among other things PTSD (could be CPTSD; not sure) as a result of domestic abuse.
Normally I flinch whenever there's a loud noise or unexpected touch, especially coming from behind me,
and when I get triggered while I'm not doing well, I freeze and hyperventilate which can lead to panic attacks.
In the process of preparing for my wedding I had to spend a lot of time with my family including the abuser
(who had apologized a few times already and wrote that they were sorry but hasn't made any effort to change since)
and the stress + repressed emotions + abuser assaulting me took a BIG toll on my mental health.
Since then in random times I get triggered by my spouse, even though they never mean any harm.
It could be anything from a slight touch, a playful tap to even simply breathing.
Once my brain thinks they are going to attack me, the thought gulps me alive and I freeze in fear.
I start crying and shaking, sometimes I self-harm, and I flinch whenever my spouse comes near me or tries to reach out.
In some occasions it took me days before I could feel safe in their presence again.
It happened today and while I was still trying to calm down I flinched away when they were walking behind me.
They told me that they felt hurt by that and that comment hurt me as well.
They didn't mean to trigger me, and I didn't mean to hurt them by being afraid of them.
I just want a hug but the person from whom I want that hug is also the person who I cannot even approach right now without tensing up.
Them triggering me doesn't happen that often, but when it does it leaves us both shook and hurt and we feel stuck and clueless.
We plan to get couple's therapy but I'm hoping this forum will be of help to us in different ways.
I showed the forum to my spouse as well, I hope they'll look into it and get help from other supporters.
I have among other things PTSD (could be CPTSD; not sure) as a result of domestic abuse.
Normally I flinch whenever there's a loud noise or unexpected touch, especially coming from behind me,
and when I get triggered while I'm not doing well, I freeze and hyperventilate which can lead to panic attacks.
In the process of preparing for my wedding I had to spend a lot of time with my family including the abuser
(who had apologized a few times already and wrote that they were sorry but hasn't made any effort to change since)
and the stress + repressed emotions + abuser assaulting me took a BIG toll on my mental health.
Since then in random times I get triggered by my spouse, even though they never mean any harm.
It could be anything from a slight touch, a playful tap to even simply breathing.
Once my brain thinks they are going to attack me, the thought gulps me alive and I freeze in fear.
I start crying and shaking, sometimes I self-harm, and I flinch whenever my spouse comes near me or tries to reach out.
In some occasions it took me days before I could feel safe in their presence again.
It happened today and while I was still trying to calm down I flinched away when they were walking behind me.
They told me that they felt hurt by that and that comment hurt me as well.
They didn't mean to trigger me, and I didn't mean to hurt them by being afraid of them.
I just want a hug but the person from whom I want that hug is also the person who I cannot even approach right now without tensing up.
Them triggering me doesn't happen that often, but when it does it leaves us both shook and hurt and we feel stuck and clueless.
We plan to get couple's therapy but I'm hoping this forum will be of help to us in different ways.
I showed the forum to my spouse as well, I hope they'll look into it and get help from other supporters.