mackenzieco
New Here
Sorry this is so long....
So I've been having a long distance relationship with a special forces officer in Denmark. He suffers from combat PTSD apparently quite severely. He had a severe break about 5 years ago when he caught his fiancee cheating on him with a good (he thought so anyway) friend. He went into a rage and nearly killed the guy and ended up in a psych hospital for a few months. He's been in therapy ever since, managed to return to active duty and finally felt like he was ready for a relationship. Finally, I enter the scene, we seemed quite compatible as people, enjoyed talking to each other, things were great. He mentioned that he had PTSD and basically said it just affected his sleeping. An understatement at best, things progressed, then we started having tiny arguments, it seemed he was always annoyed with me about something. Then he opens up that PTSD is more than what he said it was, I then start doing research to see what I am dealing with and luckily find his site among others.
So going forward we function basically on a roller-coaster, I noticed the arc of of being okay to kind of okay to not okay to explosive argument to separation to back to being okay. I think everyone of you know what I am speaking of. When we managed to get together, half of the time was great, half of the time was a bit of a nightmare to be honest. I hadn't expected perfection, no such thing when PTSD isn't in the picture and certainly not when it is. And considering he was having a hard time just speaking to me for any length of time on the phone in this particular period. A lot of reasons for this I think, owing to PTSD, his last relationship, and how the meds affect his sexual performance. Before I visited I told him that it would be okay if we couldn't spend the entire time together because I thought he would need space from me. He had planned to run quite a bit while I was there, a way for him to spend some time along (I was okay with this) and it was good for him to get exercise.
Like I said, it was equally good and bad, but the visit ended poorly. My last day/night there,he became extremely agitated, went back to the base early and apparently became extremely ill after that (in bed for over a week). There was a lot going on that day emotionally--I was leaving in the morning, we visited his mother's grave together....they didn't have a good relationship, and he showed me the house that he loved--that he lost after the incident with the fiancee, when he was suspended for 9 months for severely beating the "friend". So much so, that he had to retire early than he had intended. We knew he would be retiring this year, but he was hoping to hang on until the Fall for financial reasons.
We seemed to get things back together sort of, it was quite tentative. He was angry because he felt like during the visit I had an attitude that he didn't like. He says I rolled my eyes at him quite a bit when he asked me not to laugh so loud, speak loudly, etc. From my side it was more looking to heaven and asking for help to be honest. Especially because, he would ask me sometimes to speak up (he has a hearing aid that he wasn't wearing) and I felt like everything I was doing was wrong in his eyes.
But we did get to a better place, but I could still see and sense that he was in a vulnerable position. He was concerned that I didn't love him because he was talking much and I told him that I understood. I told him that I just wanted to check in with him now that he was living off of the base (something that made me very nervous, we had spoken of this before and he himself said he didn't think his living alone was a good idea).
Finally we had a huge argument, more from his side. He thought I was cheating with someone else (I wasn't), that he couldn't trust me (he couldn't tell me what made him feel that way) and that he needed space. I said okay, but that I wanted to know if he loved me....he's said lots of things but he's never said he didn't love me. So he said, "I don't love you anymore...there I said it". And yes, there are obvious reasons why I would want to believe it, but in all honesty it was that convincing when we had started the conversation with him telling me that I had to contact him if he sent me a text. I hadn't answered a text because by the time I had received it, he should have been asleep. And because he does have trouble sleeping I didn't want to disturb him.
Cut to a week or so later, we're still talking even after all that was said above...and he finally says that he needs a two week break. That I should understand that I am pushing him away and that I am not helping him at all.
Today, I realized that he has changed his cell phone number and he want reply to an email I sent.
I am somewhat surprised, not entirely, but I am hurt because stupid me thought we would eventually be able to work things out. I hate that he has completely closed the door on me.
Any thoughts...anything would be helpful to me at this point I think. I just need to talk it out with people who might understand...
So I've been having a long distance relationship with a special forces officer in Denmark. He suffers from combat PTSD apparently quite severely. He had a severe break about 5 years ago when he caught his fiancee cheating on him with a good (he thought so anyway) friend. He went into a rage and nearly killed the guy and ended up in a psych hospital for a few months. He's been in therapy ever since, managed to return to active duty and finally felt like he was ready for a relationship. Finally, I enter the scene, we seemed quite compatible as people, enjoyed talking to each other, things were great. He mentioned that he had PTSD and basically said it just affected his sleeping. An understatement at best, things progressed, then we started having tiny arguments, it seemed he was always annoyed with me about something. Then he opens up that PTSD is more than what he said it was, I then start doing research to see what I am dealing with and luckily find his site among others.
So going forward we function basically on a roller-coaster, I noticed the arc of of being okay to kind of okay to not okay to explosive argument to separation to back to being okay. I think everyone of you know what I am speaking of. When we managed to get together, half of the time was great, half of the time was a bit of a nightmare to be honest. I hadn't expected perfection, no such thing when PTSD isn't in the picture and certainly not when it is. And considering he was having a hard time just speaking to me for any length of time on the phone in this particular period. A lot of reasons for this I think, owing to PTSD, his last relationship, and how the meds affect his sexual performance. Before I visited I told him that it would be okay if we couldn't spend the entire time together because I thought he would need space from me. He had planned to run quite a bit while I was there, a way for him to spend some time along (I was okay with this) and it was good for him to get exercise.
Like I said, it was equally good and bad, but the visit ended poorly. My last day/night there,he became extremely agitated, went back to the base early and apparently became extremely ill after that (in bed for over a week). There was a lot going on that day emotionally--I was leaving in the morning, we visited his mother's grave together....they didn't have a good relationship, and he showed me the house that he loved--that he lost after the incident with the fiancee, when he was suspended for 9 months for severely beating the "friend". So much so, that he had to retire early than he had intended. We knew he would be retiring this year, but he was hoping to hang on until the Fall for financial reasons.
We seemed to get things back together sort of, it was quite tentative. He was angry because he felt like during the visit I had an attitude that he didn't like. He says I rolled my eyes at him quite a bit when he asked me not to laugh so loud, speak loudly, etc. From my side it was more looking to heaven and asking for help to be honest. Especially because, he would ask me sometimes to speak up (he has a hearing aid that he wasn't wearing) and I felt like everything I was doing was wrong in his eyes.
But we did get to a better place, but I could still see and sense that he was in a vulnerable position. He was concerned that I didn't love him because he was talking much and I told him that I understood. I told him that I just wanted to check in with him now that he was living off of the base (something that made me very nervous, we had spoken of this before and he himself said he didn't think his living alone was a good idea).
Finally we had a huge argument, more from his side. He thought I was cheating with someone else (I wasn't), that he couldn't trust me (he couldn't tell me what made him feel that way) and that he needed space. I said okay, but that I wanted to know if he loved me....he's said lots of things but he's never said he didn't love me. So he said, "I don't love you anymore...there I said it". And yes, there are obvious reasons why I would want to believe it, but in all honesty it was that convincing when we had started the conversation with him telling me that I had to contact him if he sent me a text. I hadn't answered a text because by the time I had received it, he should have been asleep. And because he does have trouble sleeping I didn't want to disturb him.
Cut to a week or so later, we're still talking even after all that was said above...and he finally says that he needs a two week break. That I should understand that I am pushing him away and that I am not helping him at all.
Today, I realized that he has changed his cell phone number and he want reply to an email I sent.
I am somewhat surprised, not entirely, but I am hurt because stupid me thought we would eventually be able to work things out. I hate that he has completely closed the door on me.
Any thoughts...anything would be helpful to me at this point I think. I just need to talk it out with people who might understand...
