Trying to find… someone I guess.

[DanM96$$]

I think focusing on friendships is the key to finding a partner. If you can successfully connect and maintain a satisfying friendship those skills can transfer to romantic relationships. Intimate partnerships are still tricky but friendship skills are super helpful.

Totally! It’s not that I don’t really have those skills at least in my book. It’s more of I try to reach out to people and I don’t get a lot of responses.

 

[Rose White]

If it were me I would keep trying new people. That’s what I did because I also had no friends. Meet Up is a great app to interact with groups of people.

 

[DanM96$$]

If it were me I would keep trying new people. That’s what I did because I also had no friends. Meet Up is a great app to interact with groups of people.

Meet Up? Is it like free?

If it were me I would keep trying new people. That’s what I did because I also had no friends. Meet Up is a great app to interact with groups of people.

Is it the app with the pink M?

 

[Rose White]

just search “meet up” in the App Store, yeah it’s free

 

[captain jigglypuff]

I would use Meet Up myself but there are no local groups in my areas for the things I’m interested in. So you may or may not find something you could do to meet new people. Just wanted to let you know ahead of time in case the same thing happens to you.

 

[Rose White]

Something cool about meet up is you can start your own group too to find locals interested in similar stuff.

 

[captain jigglypuff]

I have been talking to one guy on a dating app for the past three weeks and we seem to have a deep connection. I told him about some of my past trauma and he can sort relate to some of it. We’ve talked about meeting in person for a cup of coffee but haven’t set anything up yet.

 

[Friday]

I have been talking to one guy on a dating app for the past three weeks and we seem to have a deep connection.

Deep Connection + Dating App???
Deep Connection + Weeks???

Managing expectations really isn’t your thing, is it?

It’s a whole lotta pressure to put on a person you haven’t met, yet. Hell, it’s a whomping lotta pressure on someone you’ve known for awhile, and see regularly. Meaning it would be difficult to near impossible to see them / get to know them, as themselves… instead of who you want them to be.

Sometimes people DO just hit it off. Online, IRL, whatever. But that… spark? Interest in getting to know someone better? With very few exceptions, if it feels deeper/more profound than that? You’re looking into a mirror, rather than at them.

 

[captain jigglypuff]

Deep Connection + Dating App???
Deep Connection + Weeks???

Managing expectations really isn’t your thing, is it?

It’s a whole lotta pressure to put on a person you haven’t met, yet. Hell, it’s a whomping lotta pressure on someone you’ve known for awhile, and see regularly. Meaning it would be difficult to near impossible to see them / get to know them, as themselves… instead of who you want them to be.

Sometimes people DO just hit it off. Online, IRL, whatever. But that… spark? Interest in getting to know someone better? With very few exceptions, if it feels deeper/more profound than that? You’re looking into a mirror, rather than at them.

What I mean is that I’ve had a few deep conversations with this guy which is something I normally don’t do. It’s like I was supposed to meet him and form some sort of friendship or relationship with him. It’s hard to explain.

 

[rattiestbird]

I told him about some of my past trauma and he can sort relate to some of it. We’ve talked about meeting in person for a cup of coffee but haven’t set anything up yet.

I would recommend approaching this dating app stuff the other way around, if you're trying for deep connections. Meet for a cup of coffee before you spill your soul. Online friend/date making is such a heartache -- there's so much that gets lost when you talk through a screen.

I think the priority with that kind of stuff should be feeling the other person out just enough to feel safe/determine if you care to try to know more about them, and if the answer is yes then arrange a coffee somewhere public and safe as soon as possible. The soul spilling can come later, when you've had the chance to gauge how they feel in person and get a little closer.

I am pretty upfront with my traumas. I'll tell people I just met a quick snapshot to get them up to speed for a conversation, but nothing that I would ever call "deep conversation", because there just isn't the emotional connection and trust there yet. I dive into the how I feel about things and stuff that affects me worse when I feel close. I don't think it needs to wait super duper long, but I think pouring my heart out to every stranger I meet would just make me feel more exposed and vulnerable.