Sufferer I Hate Myself.

[CrazyHorse]

I am so glad I could 'help' :) or at least let you know you are not alone! It was easy for me to stop drinking in the sense that I am not addicted to alcohol. But it was hard to realise that I was not able to do the things I did before I got PTSD.

I really enjoyed to go out and drink some beer with my friends etc. But due to the bad cocktail of alcohol and PTSD, I had to take seriously that I can't do that anymore.

I tryed to make a deal with myself to control my feelings and actions when drunk, and like you, felt ashamed and angry with myself when ever I coulden't. I realised that it was not my fault really. I can not control my PTSD symptoms, but I can control whether to consume alcohol or not, and get rid of the destructive actions and thoughts that comes with it.But I also know that is easier said than done :)

 

[intothelight]

Hi Aliceinwonderland,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

I truly admire the love and strength that you had to do what was best for your daughter. The anger that accompanies PTSD can seem uncontrollable or illogical. It seems to go in, or go out, at will. But with therapy, time and a lot of hard work, the anger will subside.

This site has great information and is a wonderful place for support. I hope you find it helpful.

Debbie

 

[Legend]

Hi Aliceinwonderland
I can relate to you in many ways, I too lashed out at people when drinking. I , after my experences I was compleatly numb. I saw many bad things and had to do many bad things to people in my past, thank God it's over. I came away from my event feeling worthless in many ways and unloveable, in my mind if I couldent love even myself then who could I love?

I came home a little over 12 years ago and have never been tha same sence. For 5 years I fought to stay alive in an enviroment that was horriable at best, it changed me in so many ways. I have had to deal with it on many levels, and realize that others around me do not and cannot understand what I go through. I am hyper vigilent in everything which creates a huge amount of stress, my family is affected by this stress along with me. I have PTSD pretty bad, I have had to quit drinking all together.

To give you an idea, have you ever been in a store and seen a 5 year old throw a tantrum, wanting something and Mom said no? Smacked his hand and then he threw a fit, well picture the 5 year old 6'4" 380 lbs, thats me, the candy is all I can focus on when I am in the throws of an attack. well thats me Alice and it aint pretty just ask my wife, you are in the right place and you will find people here that do understand you and your problems, good luck!
Legend

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you Legend, because what you said helps, whether one is on the giving or the recieiving end of the behaviour.