I Have No Outlet

[Deleted member 41702]

It's impossible for me to connect with a therapist. Check
I also feel this way, it is impossible...

THank you for taking the time to reply. The thing is there are no skilled therapists around here. There is actually a logical reason why I would like to try drugs. The way I see it, there's a reason some people get hooked, and that is because they feel good from it. I used to be on 54mg Concerta (medication given to people with ADHD). On a few occasions before I quit taking them altogether I tried taking 3-4 of them at once. I knew this was totally safe. The effect was terrible. I basically had an anxiety attack combined with heavy depression, paranoia, strong regret and intense fear. It was really terrifying. So I decided never again. The reason I tried it more than once is because I had nothing else to get "high" on. On one occasion it was to feel less tired, as I have had trouble falling and staying asleep for most of my life.

 

[Deleted member 41702]

Check
I also feel this way, it is impossible for me to trust my therapist emotionally. Thus I don...

Also I'm not able to pick and choose between therapists. There are so few available, I have tried them all. I have gone to two female and three male psychologists the last 8 years. I am done with therapists. It doesn't seem to be right for me to seek treatment.

 

[ladee]

I am hesitant to ask you this question... so why are you here? If you are looking for a glimmer of hope we have that for you.
If you are looking for permission to die, you don't need that from us. You have already given yourself permission.

Are you trying to be 'right' that eventually even the people here will give up on you? That we will get tired of throwing out suggestions for you to hang on to? We won't give up on you, but at the same time, you are needing something from us... can you give us a clue?

I am not trying to be argumentative or facetious, but we do not support someone killing themselves... whether it is now or later.

If this made you more angry than you already are,,, the thing i want you to take away from this is..... anger is a cry for help. Anger is a catalyst for change... I'm sorry life has been such a bitch so far... has for all of us here too... and we are here to support you in life, not in a death plan...

So let us know what you need, in terms of something healthy and meaningful and we will do our best to be present for you.

 

[The Albatross]

I think Dexter, you've done a really good job at identifying the problems in your several posts... but I also think that due to youth, the depth of your depression, and your therapeutic and life experiences... that even though you don't "feel" treatable or inclined to pursue therapeutic goals in recovery... you are no dumb bunny and you are smart enough to understand how important it is to develop skills and coping techniques to manage yourself and have a better life than the one you've told yourself you're going to have.

You've found the forum, there's plenty of support and experiences here. Hope you stick around.

Disagree with above poster... as I don't really think it's necessary to ask a 17 year old "why" they're here.

Dexter, I wouldn't recommend compounding your issues by considering use of illegal drugs. Co-occurring behaviors PTSD and SUDS/addiction or abuse (Substance Use Disorder) will not make life any easier - that I can personally guarantee because that was my gig (my substance was alcohol)... and if you're not there already, you may want to reconsider because that puts ya in the lowest prognosis for recovery and gets you a hurricane of negative consequences. No kidding.

 

[Deleted member 41702]

Dexter, I wouldn't recommend compounding your issues by considering use of illegal drugs. Co-occu...

I have to at least try it. I have nothing to lose. No family, no friends... No one's gonna miss me. My plan is to get to the U.S. and see if I can get put on medical marijuana. I am too paranoid to trust a dealer.

 

[The Albatross]

"The simple truth is that addiction makes PTSD symptoms worse in the long-term."
Drug Addiction, Alcohol Abuse, Substance Abuse with PTSD

Give peer support here a chance. Participation here and learning, can help a feeling of disconnection and eventually what you learn here you can take into your day to day world.

I read and am sorry about your break up.

 

[Deleted member 41702]

Give peer support here a chance. Participation here and learning, can help a feeling of disconnec...

I didn't break up with anyonr though. If you're talking about my status it's the opening line of Paranoid by Black Sabbath. I put it as my status because I relate to it. And it's a cool song.

Also, sorry about the typos. I forget that this site doesn't seem to have an edit function.

 

[The Albatross]

Ah, k... apologies.
Negative Thinking Styles - Reframing Negative Thoughts Pt 2

 

[Deleted member 41702]

Ah, k... apologies.
No need to apologize. It's fine :) (for some reason I keep getting a spam related error.or something telling me I can't post links and email adresses) This hasn't happened before

 

[Deleted member 41702]

Lol this site is weird sometimes. I posted a reply saying "It's fine, don't worry about it" and it only quoted you. Hm. Strange.

 

[The Albatross]

Probably because you're a new member with less than the requisite number of posts (don't remember how many that is).

I was just listening to Five Finger Death Punch... not something I do often but you might like it: Five Finger Death Punch - Wash It All Away (Explicit) I don't usually do that genre anymore... but like sometimes to hear the anger. Anger when used correctly is a motivator/motivation to change ya know.

 

[Fox]

Hi Dexter, I hesitated to post but am going to anyway. Solely because it might have been something that...

Thank you June bug.
It's so easy to push people away because they don't understand the way we want them to. Thank you for your post it makes me recognise I need to find some hope and forward momentum to find a partner one day and try to retain the couple of friends I have. I've been so inclined of late to just accept my total isolation as necessary. But it doesn't have to always be this way.