"i Have Not Broken You Yet"

[missing_the _sunshine]

Survived another T session today...only just. During my previous session my T made a comment towards the end about her not 'breaking' me yet. I didnt really know how to respond to her to I just sat there and didn't say anything.

During today's session she mentioned it again, when I opened up to her about how frustrated I get with myself during T. When I start to get upset or overwhelmed then I just usually shut down and I realise this is something I need to work on to improve my situation. I can't help but feel that I don't want her to 'break' me. Is this wrong of me to think this way? I just feel that many people have 'broken me' over the years and I am not sure that I want to add her name to the list.

 

[intothelight]

Hi MissingTheSunshine,

The connotation of that term is horrible. You might want to ask your T to explain exactly what she means and let her know the effect of using a term like "breaking" has upon you.

Take care.
Debbie

 

[Queen Boudica]

Maybe she means that she knows she is 'working you hard' but she is not going to break you.

Can't believe that the point of the therapy would be to break you completely. Still a confusing way to put it especially when dealing with someone with trauma.

 

[Froggie]

I'm glad you have mentionned this ((((Aussie Sis)))), it shows that you are starting to determine what is your territory to be and feel respected. It is a bad term as Debbie mentionned, even more so with your life story. I think it's a good idea to ask her what she means by that term.

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

Thank you all for your thoughts.

I am not really sure how I feel about it all...ok maybe I am - it petrifies me. At the moment I am really struggling to work up the courage to go to my next appointment out of fear that she will try harder to 'break me'. I realise that this sounds stupid and insignificant but it has really rocked and scared me. Not really sure what to think.

 

[OKRADLAK]

That is scary. As if you have not already been hurt. She probably meant no harm, but it was a terrible choice of words!!

 

[Michel]

I think it is exactly what she meant. I don't want to write what I have written elsewhere, but do read my posts in a thread I recently started called "Shame." Your therapist probably wants you to be literally broken again, so you discover and truly grasp how the mind naturally reacts to being broken and can better understand the beliefs and feelings you were left with the first time. Also see just how brutal was what you survived.

I know of no experience more painful and so it must be that some therapists believe there is no less horrific way to restore the traumatized, at least for some patients. I have no way to know whether or not they are right. But maybe it is not necessary for all of us to learn from experience, maybe it is not necessary for you. Maybe you can work very hard at trying to understand the brain's need to protect itself, without living through it again. Read my posts and try to think through what are the human brain's options when the body it occupies is trapped.

Good luck.

 

[seedling]

Missing - I can't imagine my T ever using these terms with me. I believe he would think it was counterproductive to what we are trying to achieve.
He's always respected my defenses when they go up. He does push me sometimes, maybe he can sense when I am stronger, or the edge has been taken off of a certain issue. He's always been patient with me.
I've felt that when I am ready for something, it comes. There are things I've felt I would never be able to talk about or say and then, suddenly it seems, it's flowing out of me (or catching me unawares!).
I would question your T, come to some kind of real understanding between you of what she means and what you feel about it. I don't think allowing it to stand will provide you with the sense of safety you need to move forward. It's definitely not a stupid or insignificant thing. What you need to feel secure in therapy is of prime importance to you and your T.

 

[Addy]

Perhaps what she meant by saying she hasn't 'broken' you yet, is that she feels like you still haven't let down your guard yet. Your level of comfort is still not there. I don't think she's trying to judge you when she says that, but rather let you know that she's aware that you wear a lot of armor. I think your T is hoping that she will be able to 'break' down some of these barriers so that she can better help you. Hope this helps.

 

[anthony]

Have you told her the truth? Have you told her the full story? Have you been 100% outright open with her and dished out all the trauma?

I suspect she feels you present with quite a wall / barrier, and that is what she is trying to break through. I got the same impression just from talking with you in chat the other day... you are extremely guarded and frightened, of consequences, especially considering you are still within the abuse.

I really think you need to come on the Albert Park walk and have a chat with me...

 

[intothelight]

Maybe "breaking" in your T's perspective is breaking through to you, not breaking you.

Just a thought.

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((Missing_the_sunshine))))))

I 'experience' humor, sarcasm, etc. from my T. as filled with contempt and/or distain or threats.

I only recently became aware of it by having my hubby go to T. with me.

Now, hubby is learning to say 'that was a joke'....but I feel it as negative.

My guess is, I would have experienced that comment as exactly as you have.

...and then, mulling it over, the part of me that sees this traumatic 'miswiring' between my ears and my brain would tell me 'I can choose to give her the benefit of the doubt that she didn't mean it the way I experienced it. I can be brave enough to tell her next time how that felt to me.'

....and my guess is....she'll look very concerned that her delivery was so unhelpful, and work hard to take that into consideration.

The odds are, she was trying to point out you are strong enough to deal with everything.
Because you are, and you have.

But she DOES need to know that wasn't the effect.

((((missing_the_sunshine)))))