"i Have Not Broken You Yet"

[missing_the _sunshine]

Thank you all so much for your thoughts.

I got the same impression just from talking with you in chat the other day... you are extremely guarded and frightened, of consequences, especially considering you are still within the abuse.
I really think you need to come on the Albert Park walk and have a chat with me...

You are right I am frightened, petrified actually and have no idea what I am going to do. I am honestly working towards coming to the walk, a long way to go to work myself up to it but I am trying.

 

[Sunrise]

I would ask her what she means. Maybe she means that she doesn't want to break you. Ask her and remove the mystery. if you don't like what you hear, tell her that. If she has not experienced trauma at the level you have she may have no understanding of how fragile and unsupported one can feel. If that is what you feel, then tell her that too,
Much love and support,

 

[seedling]

I had one more thought about this, and the way in which your T said what she did.

I don't think it's up to her to "do" something "to" you to get you to let down your guard. I think that's your responsibility/privilege when the pieces are in place for you to do so. It will be your action and also bravery that allows those barriers down so you can move forward.

Much courage to you.

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

I had a GP appt last night and was caught totally off guard. During my last T session, my T had asked if she could call my Doc (who she knows well) to discuss her concerns about my lack of sleeping etc. I said that it was fine.

It started pretty much as soon as I sat down and my Doc said that she had received a call from my T. At this stage I was fine because I thought she was going to talk about some ideas etc about changing my sleep patterns (won't take sleeping tablets). Then she started mentioning some stuff about that I had spoken to my T about, including some incidents at home etc. (this was the 1st time I had spoken to be T about them). I really started to freak out because I totally wasn't expecting it, wasn't even expecting that my Doc would know anything about that as I had never spoken to her. I felt terrible and ended up breaking down and walking out of the appt.

How am I ever going to go back to my GP? Trust is a massive thing for me and I feel really paranoid now. I have never spoken to anyone face to face about it before other than my T at the last session (and that took so much time and strength to finally say something)- I just think its too much too quick. Stupid I know - but now not sure where I should go or what I should be thinking.

 

[anthony]

Did the information your therapist discuss with your GP have to do with sleeping, being directly or indirectly, as the cause / possible cause?

If it was, then you gave consent. If your therapist gave too much information, outside of the bounds of sleeping, then I would be having their license to practice removed for breach of confidentiality.

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

Did the information your therapist discuss with your GP have to do with sleeping, being directly or indirectly, as the cause / possible cause?

No, my T wanted to talk about the medication side of things with my Doc because I said that I didn't take sleeping meds because I didn't want to be out of it during the night in case something happened with my brother (seizure etc). But when I went in the Doc started mentioning things word for word that I had spoken to my T about including things that had been said and done to me at home etc.

I know that this reflects alot on me and that I need to open up about this stuff but it is just something that I find incredibly difficult - now I am even more paranoid than what I was in the first place. It just really freaked me out and I feel like the biggest idiot.

 

[anthony]

You have not done anything wrong, your therapist may have stepped over the line in what they have divulged. The laws here are quite strict with confidentiality for therapy, even consent to discuss with someone like your doctor, being that the only information that should be passed is that of direct relevance to what you have given permission about, NOT a blabber session about everything and anything that you have told your therapist.

You are not at fault, your therapist is, and you should confront them about this to be perfectly honest. It is one thing to discuss more with say a psychiatrist, but GP... does not fit the requirement to know about personal aspects. That is the same as the GP telling your therapist about your latest pap-smear results or such... complete breach of confidentiality on your therapists behalf IMHO.

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

You have not done anything wrong, your therapist may have stepped over the line in what they have divulged.
You are not at fault, your therapist is, and you should confront them about this to be perfectly honest.

All I know is that is feel confused, embarrassed and feel like I have taken a big step backwards. I just get so frustrated and angry with myself that something as simple and minor as this freaks me out so much, seriously how much of a weakling can one individual be!

 

[angel2write]

It doesn't feel like weakness to me. It really doesn't.

I, also, would have reacted badly to someone saying they "hadn't broken me yet." I would have serious questions about what that meant, and if I wasn't satisfied with the answer, I would take steps to protect myself.

I, also, would be upset by personal information being shared without my permission. Your T may have felt she had consent, but you definitely did not give permission for that level of info to be shared. There was bad communication.

((Sunshine))
A

 

[Snuggy]

I have been reluctant to post to this until now.... I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for what has happened, and tell you that you are not alone. I went through the exact same thing once. I hid who my doctor was from my therapist, but she drilled me until I slipped up and said her name. Without my permission my T went to my doctor and must have told her horrible things, because my doctor (whom I had known 18 years!) became rude and abusive to me. She even taunted me about things that only my T knew. I eventually left both T and doctor, but not before I was horribly traumatized by this breach of trust and the bullying/attacks that happened as a result.

I'm presently with a new doctor who had the connections to send me to neurofeedback. Had I not made this change, I wouldn't be where I am now, and things are getting much better for me - finally. :) I just want you to know that I think I understand your feelings...and I think you should trust them. Some therapists are total idiots. I wish it weren't so, but it is! I'm so sorry you encountered one of these therapists, but try to look at this as a learning experience. It's best you know now that she couldn't be trusted. Don't blame yourself, just recognise that you will choose better next time. Their job is not to "break you"...their job is to support and help you...and if you have panges of distrust...listen to them/honor them.

I just want you to realize that it is a positive thing this has happened... It has exposed your T for the fraud she is, it has shown you about your doctors limitations/awareness of your illness...and it is a reason to seek out better care for yourself... You are on the way to getting better.... just in a spot now where you have to do something for yourself... maybe make a change. I promise it will get better, just keep searching for people who can and DO help. :)

 

[anthony]

It has exposed your T for the fraud she is, it has shown you about your doctors limitations/awareness of your illness...and it is a reason to seek out better care for yourself...

I don't know if that is exactly accurate... considering Australia has some of the leading care in the world for Mental Health, and GP's are typically extremely astute with the basics of mental health here, but more in treating their patients.

You are confusing ability with breach of confidentiality... two very different things. Every country has issues with professionals, as all work areas have those who just scrape through University, some just have a bad day, some just make mistakes, some are complete and total idiots who should not be working in the job they are.

I think only MTS could tell you whether her therapist is poor quality or not, and her GP, compared with what she has raised here about the issue of confidentiality being broken and trust lost, with your introduction and push, again, towards neurofeedback, which is a placebo treatment at best for PTSD treatment.

So please be careful on what you change a topic into, from what the author has stated as the problem.

 

[seedling]

Missing, sorry for the blow you took to your need for security and safety with your doctors. Do what you can to bring your stress levels down. Try to stop beating yourself up, when you get some perspective you can come up with a plan of action.

I think both doctors crossed the line. I don't think my GP would have said things to me like that even if my T had told him. When I told him I had PTSD (I was just diagnosed) he stayed very calm and professional, said I didn't need to talk about it. He was very careful and "hands off" my trauma. I would have felt comfortable telling him the basic story but was reassured to see the way he handled it. He focused on my physical issues.

Take care of yourself, even if this wasn't a breach, it's not what you wanted or expected. That in itself is cause enough to let them know what you do want and expect. If they can't give you that then find someone who will. Your wishes matter in your treatment.