I have ptsd and pushed my husband away. help!

[OMGPTSD]

I can relate to your situation. I have very severe PTSD and depression/anxiety and my other half has struggled with the reality of this for the entirety of our 5 year relationship - more so in the past 18 months. I had been keeping a lot to myself in order to protect him and not wanting to put the stress on him. Little did I know that he could see I was lying to him and not telling him the full truth which just made him assume the worst and feel useless. I have since discovered that being totally honest about how bad it is and what you are thinking really does help both of you - he will appreciate the honesty and feel trusted and be able to understand a little more. It will also help you as you might find that you haven't been being honest with yourself, as I discovered. If he can see that you are making positive steps to better yourself and your relationship he will feel more inclined to reciprocate and you will get through this dark time together x

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I can relate to your situation. I have very severe PTSD and depression/anxiety and my other half has struggled with t...

You're right. Holding back is no help to anyone in a relationship. I just have to stress that knowledge is power. Knowledge of ptsd and knowledge of how to be a supporter. When my (soon to be ex) husband finally made the effort to understand what I was going through, he saw me for the first time. I wasn't the bitch he thought I was. I was reacting to things that I had no control over. I was fighting for my life, as we all are when we're triggered. It's very sad.

I wish you - all of you - the very best! :hug:

 

[Songbird]

I can relate to your situation. I have very severe PTSD and depression/anxiety and my other half has struggled with t...

I haven't always known what my issues were, but since finding out 7 months ago, I've always kept it honest. Even before then, I'd let him know how I was feeling without knowing what to call it. I seek help and I make progress, but he won't seek help with me. He feels he knows all he needs to know about PTSD. Says he's always known it's what I have, says he's read about it and has tried for 5 years to help me, but now he's burnt out. Says he's walked on eggshells for so long around me that now he's constantly nervous and anxious. He doesn't know what's going to happen but he wants to just give it time. I don't think "just giving it time" is a good idea without some form of help because I still have PTSD..what if I have an episode? How will he handle it? It doesn't make sense to me.

 

[Songbird]

You're right. Holding back is no help to anyone in a relationship. I just have to stress that knowl...

I'm sorry to hear about your divorce, but glad to hear you so strong and positive. I had a situation with my husband today because he heard me get upset in the next room about some financial issues(I did not get upset at him or take it out on him whatsoever) and he got freaked out. I took a shower to calm down and then went over to him to ask him for financial help and he got extremely irritable with a funky attitude and body language. I remained calm. I knew it was because he thought I was going to have an episode but to his surprise I didn't. However, it took him a while to get out of his attitude, and then his eyes started to well up and he apologized and said this is why things are the way they are right now because he's gotten to this point. I tried to do what u suggested and asked him what he needs from me and he said he doesn't know. Then I mentioned counseling again and he was adamantly against it. Check my response above to OMGPTSD. That's where it left off. This is exhausting.

 

[desiderata310]

sked him what he needs from me and he said he doesn't know.

you know, this site actually has a section for supporters. Maybe mention the site to him?

 

[Songbird]

you know, this site actually has a section for supporters. Maybe mention the site to him?

Thanks but I think him seeing my posts would upset him.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I haven't always known what my issues were, but since finding out 7 months ago, I've always kept it ho...

Sounds like he's enjoying the role of martyr, which is where I'm leaving things with my husband. I'm working hard on my recovery, he's wallowing in victimhood.

I really hope your guy snaps out of it. Otherwise, you may find yourself tired of the guilt game before he is. :(

 

[Deleted member 33052]

One more question, if I may. Did your husband think he could save you? He knew what he was getting into, by the sounds of it. My husband thought he could ride in like a noble knight and rescue me from myself. Foolishly, I thought he could, too.

 

[Songbird]

One more question, if I may. Did your husband think he could save you? He knew what he was getting...

Oh man, you are so on point. He has always said one of his weaknesses is falling into martyrdom, but I don't think he sees how that's contributed to our problems. I don't know if he thought he could save me, but he basically tried to. Just today he told me he's done SO much for me, and he doesn't get the acknowledgement for it. I suppose the acknowledgment would be me being completely healed of PTSD and not acting out anymore. I'm really confused about this side of him.


Oh and he also told me today that he's the only reason we're still together till this day. He said he held us together and that if it were up to me, I'd have been gone..or that if the situation was reversed and he was the one with PTSD the whole time, that I probably would have left him or cheated on him already. He's using the fact that I told him I was a cheater in my past and how I've wanted to break up with him when I've disassociated. What I don't get is if he knows so much about PTSD, how could he say these things to me?