I have questions.

[JASON1976]

Hello. For at least 5 years now I've been struggling with feeling something is going to go wrong. I've tried to push through it and do my routine but it seems like it's getting worse. I've been in the service since 1999 and I've kinda chalked it up to my time in the service training me to be like this. I'm finding it harder and harder to feel close to even my immediate family. I'm not sleeping very well. Throughout the day have that weird spike in my stomach like you do when something scares you. After that I have trouble finding a rhythm to my breath. Time frames of being intimate with my partner is growing longer and longer. I have 2 small children and one on the way that I feel sometimes I'm faking with. I know I love them all with my every being and I wish I could just be super happy like I should be when doing things with them.
My finances are taking a hit as of late and the military has been screwing around with my transfer to civilian life by denying my retirement request and wanting me to stay in past 20 years of service. This isn't making anything better at all. I smile and take the hit but I'm always on edge. I've gained close to 20 pounds in the last two years. My arms and legs fall asleep in the middle of the night and I toss and turn. This last year has been the worst. I'm afraid that if I go to see someone about it the service will force me out and I will have wasted 19 years of my life and lose my retirement. What the hell is going on here? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

[Sweetleaf]

What I think you need, is to see a mental health professional and have them try to figure out what is up. Clearly you've got something going on. It could be PTSD, it could be other stuff, who knows. All sorts of things are a possibility, but since it's clearly bothering you, finding out precisely what's going on is the first step towards fixing it, because right now as far as you know, it could be anything.

As far as your worries about being forced out before retirement, I can't answer anything about that, but I'm sure someone will come along who knows about that stuff.

Seeing someone who is specialized in trauma would be ideal, if you think past traumas could be causing this.

 

[EveHarrington]

Do you have the option of seeing someone outside of the military? And paying cash? I’m thinking no paper trail so they can’t mess with your retirement. It’s really important that you get your retirement, so I don’t think it’s worth risking that at this point as no retirement could ultimately put future healing at risk. Good luck!

 

[JASON1976]

What I think you need, is to see a mental health professional and have them try to figure out what is...

Thank you. I ask my IDC if there is a confidential avenue that I can take. I believe there is as long as I don't tell them that I am having suicidal thought. This is a heavy load right now and ultimately needs to end somehow. I'm hoping there is something that can be done and still receive my benefits.

 

[LuckiLee]

I wish I had information for you. But my girl @Freida will probably be able to help you. She'll pop in eventually.

Glad you're here and welcome home!!

 

[Friday]

I go to see someone about it the service will force me out and I will have wasted 19 years of my life and lose my retirement.

Vet Centers.

The don’t share info with the VA or your command.

Also? Check this shit out >>> The ptsd cup explanation

 

[Freida]

he military has been screwing around with my transfer to civilian life by denying my retirement request and wanting me to stay in past 20 years of service

oh that is total bs!!!!!
@Friday is right - vet center should be able to help by giving you resources you can use that wont get reported
Have you hit your 20 yet? Do you have any recall years of service left? Or are you done done when you retire? If you are completely done when your 20 is up you might make a call to your congressman and get some higher power intervention to get your retirement.

If all else fails .....stay in...get diagnosed..let them discharge you out on medical retirement.

Take care of you....don't let this be what tips you over. You've already identified that there is a problem. That's the hard part. Now it's just a matter of connecting you with the help you need

I'm sorry this is happening....asshats!