I have been plagued with PTSD long before it was even classified as a diagnosis! Although it's roots are based in a miserable, abusive childhood, it didn't begin to interfere with my ability to function until I was in the Navy. I was officially discharged in 1973 with what was then classified as a "Nervous Disorder," and have never been the same since.
I was only 20 and did not possess the skills necessary to cope with the emotional hell I was in, so I relied on Valium and Pot -- which I virtually smoked around the clock for the next seven years -- before finally going into a drug treatment facility. I remained clean for the following 18 years, living a somewhat normal -- if not anxiety-ridden -- life. I finally went to college and became a journalist, as I had dreamed of for quite a while. I had real good social and love lives. But my extremely-high anxiety level always made most days extremely difficult.
Then in 1994-95, I suffered two near death experiences within one year: an almost fatal car accident, which left me physically disabled for months, and then a near plane crash. The later finally pushed me over that proverbial line -- if you get my drift.
My condition worsened exponentially, and I just wasn't able to deal with the excessive agony. So three years later, I began smoking dope again and drinking for the better part of the last 15 years. Unfortunately, that only compounded matters even more, amplifying my already screwed up brain chemistry. So I stopped again a few months ago.
I have suffered from chronic nightmares, virtually every night, for the past 15 years. I can no longer work and have gone on disability. Sometimes I am incapacitated for days at a time and have no desire to be around or even speak with other people.
When I was younger, I wasn't ashamed of having a "Nervous Disorder" and shared it with friends and family without hesitation. But I no longer trust most people with my feelings, as opening up about them has backfired too many times.
I receive help from a Veterans Administration psychiatrist and a private therapist. Unfortunately, the medication available today for this disorder is limited in its scope. But the VA h has always stood by my side.
I am hopeful perhaps a few people who read this will be able to relate to me. I am clearly convinced that unless a person has experienced PTSD or are a mental health professional, they cannot understand it.
I was only 20 and did not possess the skills necessary to cope with the emotional hell I was in, so I relied on Valium and Pot -- which I virtually smoked around the clock for the next seven years -- before finally going into a drug treatment facility. I remained clean for the following 18 years, living a somewhat normal -- if not anxiety-ridden -- life. I finally went to college and became a journalist, as I had dreamed of for quite a while. I had real good social and love lives. But my extremely-high anxiety level always made most days extremely difficult.
Then in 1994-95, I suffered two near death experiences within one year: an almost fatal car accident, which left me physically disabled for months, and then a near plane crash. The later finally pushed me over that proverbial line -- if you get my drift.
My condition worsened exponentially, and I just wasn't able to deal with the excessive agony. So three years later, I began smoking dope again and drinking for the better part of the last 15 years. Unfortunately, that only compounded matters even more, amplifying my already screwed up brain chemistry. So I stopped again a few months ago.
I have suffered from chronic nightmares, virtually every night, for the past 15 years. I can no longer work and have gone on disability. Sometimes I am incapacitated for days at a time and have no desire to be around or even speak with other people.
When I was younger, I wasn't ashamed of having a "Nervous Disorder" and shared it with friends and family without hesitation. But I no longer trust most people with my feelings, as opening up about them has backfired too many times.
I receive help from a Veterans Administration psychiatrist and a private therapist. Unfortunately, the medication available today for this disorder is limited in its scope. But the VA h has always stood by my side.
I am hopeful perhaps a few people who read this will be able to relate to me. I am clearly convinced that unless a person has experienced PTSD or are a mental health professional, they cannot understand it.
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