I hide behind a smile

[Ocean147]

I know it is important to show emotions when you feel them. But growing up, being angry and sad it was viewed as wrong in my parents eyes. I'm still learning to process anger and sadness. I had an okay childhood but I'm pretty sure I dealt with and still deal with depression. I do take medicine, journal, talk to friends, and see my T to help with that. But it's just...there. The way to describe it, it's like putting on a happy mask. Only people who know my well realize when I'm faking it. Does anyone else feel this way sometimes? Like, I know I'm depressed but, I act like I'm not. And the scary thoughts they come and go, usually I ignore them. My parent says to pick one or two things to do for the day. That does help as does looking at pictures of family. Those are my little tips.

 

[softscars]

My parents made me feel as if having “negative” emotions was a sin so yeah I’m still trying to undo it too. Ever since I experienced depression as a child I’ve always smiled to hide it but its getting harder to. You’re not the only one.

 

[Friday]

I know it is important to show emotions when you feel them.

I would disagree.

Being open with our thoughts & feelings? Is a privilege earned by those we trust, not a) for public consumption nor b) to be shoved onto anyone/everyone in any/every situation (people who cannot mind their bearing are usually picked up by police &/or the psych ward, as dangers to others/themselves).

Self control? Is a thing.

A thing taught to children (but not expected… which is where the abuse aspect comes in, where children are expected to maintain perfect execution of things even adults struggle with, and don’t keep “on” at all times, but drop around people they love/trust)… but not expected until adulthood, and even then? There are some strong caveats. Like with loved ones &/or under extreme stress (like bereavement), as well as understood but not approved stress (job loss, breakups, etc.) as it’s expected a person will be upset, but NOT so upset that they inflict their feelings on others.

 

[Ocean147]

Thank you for both of your thoughts.

 

[Muttly]

I am so good at hiding my feelings it is scary. My best T even told me once that I didn't give her any cues as to how I was doing so I had to use my words or she wouldn't know when things were bad.

I agree with @Friday that people have to earn the right to really see what I am feeling. That being said, there is a cost to masking your feeling. If you need support, but always appear fine, you may not get the support you need.