General I Honestly Can't Wait For Him To Leave

[Regina]

@kacee129 I was in the same position that you were. And this isn't about PTSD or not. This is a true test of each one of your characters. I was selfish in the beginning. I thought everything I was doing was wrong. But reading more about PTSD and finding out more information about this illness has helped me dramatically. We shouldn't take it out on ourselves. We should see this at a time for empathy. And reason. Although most people suffering with PTSD may not be logical at the time of an episode. You can't let the PTSD take over the man that you love. I realized that, and now I'm doing everything I can to help him. Each day is something new, but the constant is that I love him, he loves me. And only together are we going to beat this illness. (Btw I'm Johnny's fiancé)

 

[Jonnyblueyes]

I can totally see where you're coming from. But the question really is do you love him and how strong are you ? If you answer yes i love him and yes I am strong my opinion is you should be his treatment. My fiancé took the most painful abuse Torture hell from me. I went to countless sessions therapy drugs shots etc. none which worked just made it worse. My PTSD subsided when she understood the issues I had the pain I felt and she became my medicine. My cure. If she can do it so can you. Women are stronger then men and it's hard for a man to say that but it's the truth. You are the answer no matter how bad it is I won't from trying to kill myself and terrorizing others to being able to talk about my darkest hours and being able to get a good nights sleep. At the end of the day it's not how much you can take its how much you can give. Thank you

 

[kacee129]

@Regina. It is not about being "selfish" - It's about taking care of myself. Yes = maybe they are not logical. But that doesn't mean I should be illogical and to put up with the verbal and mental abuse he so easily dishes out. I can not "fix" him = he has to want that for himself. I choose to back away and give the the opportunity to decide to do that or not. But I will not stay in that situation. Sorry if it offends you.

 

[Jonnyblueyes]

To each their own

 

[Regina]

@kacee129 no offense taken my dear, it's all about what is written out in your fate, your destiny. Who knows. Maybe leaving will give him that push he needs to seek treatment. PTSD victims are not the only people who go through it. It affects everyone around them. Your decision is completely understandable. I wish you the best and I hope that he finds something to alleviate his suffering one day. I chose my path, and I will stay on this path. Because I'm not going to let PTSD take over the man that I love.

 

[kahlan]

Can we not turn this into a pointing fingers third grade fight "you're wrong...no you're wrong" kind of thing. Please :)

Kacee is allowed to feel that she is donr in her relationship. Not all relationships work, so to imply she isn't trying hard enough invalidates her valid feelings.

What works for one person/couple, doesn't necessarily work for someone else.

In a PTSD relationship, there's a hell of a lot of really crappy stuff that everyone can get mired down in.


I've had my share of didn't want to.hear it replies, but over all this site is a wonderful, nonjudgemental, site full of people who want to help each other while we help.ourselves.

 

[a3a2]

kacee,

I am a sufferer. I got help at my husband's request. When I finally acknowledged that I needed help, he was with me every step of the way. Until he is willing to acknowledge he needs help, you can do no more. You are only his enabler. Perhaps this will be the push he needs to realize he has a problem. It is okay for you to have a life. You deserve it!

 

[Phoenix_Rising]

Good grief--I'm sorry but this is getting out of hand. I am a so-called "sufferer" (I really wouldn't label myself that way but it's necessary, I know, just to be clear on this forum of where people are coming from) and have been dealing with this for about 24 years--I've been in therapy and working my ass off to get better for 16 years and my entire adult life.

Would I be devastated if my partner of 9 years left me over it? Absolutely. It would probably be the worst thing that ever happened to me, which is saying a lot.

Would I expect him--or anyone else--to put up with inappropriate behaviour with no end in sight while I refused to get any help? Hell no. PTSD is a diagnosis, not an excuse for abusive behaviour.

PTSD "sufferers" as such are not responsible for having PTSD, they are not responsible for what caused the PTSD, they aren't responsible for the symptoms they have as a result of the PTSD that they have no control over. What they ARE responsible for is getting help to improve all of the above. It is like getting in a bad car accident, ending up in a wheelchair, and being told you can regain some use of your legs if you work hard and do some grueling long term physical therapy. If you choose not to do your physical therapy and instead be angry at everyone because you got in a car accident in the first place, are you responsible for your lack of improvement and the effects you have on those around you? Yes you are.

This is of course, my personal opinion and is not directed at anyone, it's just something I feel strongly about as a person who has had to live with many things in life that I can't control and have a massive impact on my life--my point here is that this has nothing to do with giving up or not, not being supportive or not. This is about someone who isn't accountable for getting treatment, and no different than an alcoholic who refuses to get help. There is support, and then there's just putting up with and enabling.

This is an incredibly hard thing to do and Kacee I think you are showing a lot of courage to finally say "enough is enough". Good for you.

Again, just IMHO.

Hugs to anyone who needs or wants them today. :)

xx
Phoenix (stepping down from the soap box :))

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Why do I get the feeling that we're being tag-team trolled?

Honestly it's a bit rude to say her character is in question. It's a bit rude to say that she's selfish. Kacee is none of these things!

Love doesn't fix everything but we're supposed to believe that it does? Love can't fix PTSD.

 

[Ghostybear73]

@Solaro, I understand where you are coming from as the exact same thing happened to me. I am not mean, but I was told I was in a post. The problem is nobody really knows what the other person is going through (whether they write it or not) because no two of us are the same.

As Anthony reminded me, everyone has a right to their opinion and again you can either take it or leave it. That's the downside (I suppose) of writing on a public forum.

Nobody is ganging up on anybody, they are just stating their opinion.

In my opinion, if he is not willing to get help then there is really nothing that can be done. You can't help a person that doesn't want it or doesn't believe they need it.

This is my opinion, it is not right or wrong and if somebody disagrees or calls me something I know I'm not, then I just have to move on and ignore it. I understand it is difficult to when you have PTSD and triggers, but its life (or so I'm told ;)). Accept what you want, either way, your going to have to live with the decision you make. Nobody on this forum has to.

 

[Ghostybear73]

As a side note, it is also important to remind ourselves that we really don't know anyone on this forum. That's one of the things I like about it. I can talk about things that I would never talk about otherwise. Of course, it is different if i personally know someone here. For all I know the person that is supporting me here could be a mass murderer or someone who gets their kicks off other peoples pain.

 

[Regina]

Nobody was trying to pass judgement or tag-team anyone. The point and reason of a public forum is to speak your opinions. And that's all we were doing. I never said she was selfish. I said I was. No harm meant in my comments, nor his. And if you took any offense then I apologize. Everyone has a different way of doing things, and if that's what she chooses than good luck to her and her ex, as I previously stated. Thank you.