Childhood I Just Confronted My Parents About My Childhood

[Slh64]

I just confronted my parents about my childhood experience that could explain my ptsd.

It took some prying on their part since they know nothing of my life over the past three years other than I am with a man that has two kids from a previous relationship. Mom knew there was something going on with me and tonight I just gave in. Mom and dad were on speaker when I confessed I have social anxiety(they said get over it, "girl you sound like you've lost your confidence" dad said, "I get that all the time too, better society by communicating and engaging others. It will make you feel better about you" "You just have to overcome it" mom said. I say it's deeper than that I just don't have interest in wanting to hear about others gripes. "Find a hobby, you're not medicated are you?" I said maybe I should be "NO! Just see it as your making someone else's day". Then it came out that I am seeing a therapist. "Why?" To figure out what's wrong with me to get to the root and work on why I have such problems communicating with others. it came out thAt my partner hasn't come home that he is with his kids, that I tried to sell some clothes of theirs for extra money for the house hold (this is the hump that had broke the camels back in my current relationship, that's thrown my partner feathering on the edge of our relationship. I swear I did it for our household and funds I didn't see it as "stealing" which I am so regretful of now)

THE FLOOD GATES OPENED.

They learned I as seeing a therapist. That I may have ptsd. That my childhood of drunken parents may have an impact on that. My father left the room for a long period. My mother screamed at me that there is nothing wrong with me. That I'm not getting support from my partner, which is why I have anxiety that I tried to take on another's children and now that they've been removed from my care (mother and grandmother are primary caregivers and I tried so hard to be a primary too...to have love and compassion and homeleyless. I'm a step mom, Too much to describe in this moment here) that know wonder I'm so anxious and stressed. "My family" has been pulled from me (but due to my actions of becoming a monster and reacting extremely which I regret later There is so much going on I haven't listed here. )

So much that my mom said felt SO TRUE. Like the one that made me this way, who I am, can break down what I'm feeling into words. That I'm feeling broken because my partner is not supporting me, he is supporting his ex wife and his kids. This kids always come first. I know that but the monster in me hates he has a ex wife and that I ridicule and batter him and his kids. All of which I regret saying later. Mom and dad say it's the situation I'm in that is making me act like a "crazy bitch." I explained that It all might be due my childhood (as T suggested); extreme disabiliting anxiety, over thinking, depression, guilt and remorse because of the model I grew up with ---alcoholic parents that fought a lot. I even shared my memories as a child of walking in on them fighting. Mom said it wasn't until I was in high school she was drinking extremely in excess again (excuse?) she only did on Friday and Saturdays (excuse?) and many of the vivid horrible images I remember they didn't remember (because they were piss drunk... or I was imagining dreaming it. I hadn't been old enough or exposed to any underage drinking so my memories had to of been real) maybe my dad does and that's why he left the room. When he came back in ear shot with my mother yelling about how I am a good person and Ishouldn't blame myself, he returned and I knew he was angry. More so at my partner I think for letting me get so depressed and remorseful for putting us through all this. I asked him to put himself in his shoes: would you put someone else before me, your daughter? "Of course not but you're my daughter and this guy is not supporting our Sarah (me)"

This is extremely complicated with so many details overlooked here. But the experience brought many emotions; shame for calling them out as my parents, guilt for "blaming " them for my curent state, but after getting off the phone, I said "ok that's enough, I have to go," I felt so calm. Empty but calm. after breaking down repeatedly on the phone the release from the phone and their ear after 2.5 hrs (only 1 was dedicated to "my issues"). I felt so numb and calmer than I've felt in a long time ( I hadnt been real with them I over 2 years).

Please share your reactions to my parent confession and any imput of PTSD and parental "guidance." I know it probably wasn't the best idea but it had been bubbling up for so long I just flooded out. Is it best to steer clear of such triggers when it comes to your parents potentially bringing ptsd symptoms to head later in life?

 

[Fadeaway]

You were very brave to confront them and their response was very hurtful. They sound very narcissistic and do I detect a holier than thou attitude?

 

[Deleted member 38644]

I couldn't read this completly because it sounded like my parents. My mom said I'm crazy and aint shit wrong with me. My dad says he doesn't give a crap about my life if it doesn't involve him or money. My sister talks about me like I'm a dang animal to ppl. I spent 23 years of my life trapped under opinions and judgement feeling like a caged animal. I haven't had a chance to live my life, not even have a stabled bank account. I was a domestic abuse victim for two years. My family knows nothing 0 about me. they would help me and turn it around into a fraud scheme. I never had the chance to live life like everyone else did. I felt trapped. It took for someone to explain my life and actions and diagnosis of PTSD for me to come to terms what I was unaware of wasnt my fault at all. I completely understand you.

 

[VioletButterfly]

Have you sought out support from Al-Anon or ACOA (Adult Child of Alcoholic) group(s)? If not, I think you will find a great deal of understanding, common ground, support, and healing in those rooms. My experiences in Al-Anon have been some of the most profound and healing I've had on my journey. If this is new to you, please try a few different groups as each has its own character/vibe.

 

[Slh64]

It's been a very exhausting day after a long night last night. I met with my therapist this afternoon and spoke to her about this. It seems pretty clear that they have no idea how trauma works and that coming to terms and getting over it isn't an option. T says that I felt calm after ending the conversation because I got to be in control I wasn't the helpless child and I need I continue to put up these boundaries. In the texts that followed mom confessed she was molested as a 5 year old (it's crazy this happened over text or that she has to bring up her trauma now...and if she focused on this in therapy we might not be in this situation! She wouldn't have drank to excess and I may have had healthier attachment and less anxiety as a child!) she says this then Says she saw a therapist and the therapist wouldn't stop honing in on this experience "it's over and done with why do I want to keep talking about it." Which doesn't make any sense with studies about trauma. Holy cow!

Have you sought out support from Al-Anon or ACOA (Adult Child of Alcoholic) group(s)? If not,...

I did accompany a friend to one of these for her support a while ago. It felt weird and awkward since I drink. I think after we left I had a beer a few hours later. So many of these groups have a religious focus also which makes me more uncomfortable. I am thankful that I have finally gone to see a therapist and a third party unbiased giving me guidance and understanding. Now if only everyone else in my life would show that!

 

[VioletButterfly]

Glad you saw and spoke to your T, and that you have his/her support. :)

With regard to Al-Anon, as I noted, different groups have a different vibe. A healthy group is inclusive. I met many people in the rooms who had issues regarding faith/religion, and who struggled with the "GOD" concept. It takes understanding to work the program if this bothers you. It is something a local group member or leader can explain much better than I can. I had reservations in the beginning and was on guard. I found though that I served my interests best by just listening to others during meetings and reading the thought for the day.

Regarding alcohol and Al-Anon - this program is to help you heal from growing up in or being in relationship with people who are addicts of one sort or another or who have personality disorders, or who are abusive or co-dependent... Many with these/similar life experience try to deal with it through addiction - it's a cycle. I met many people in Al-Anon who were also are alcoholics and attended AA at the same time. Alcohol consumption isn't a disqualifier, nor is being an alcoholic/addict.

Al-Anon helped me to reframe my thinking so that I could start to think about and make efforts to bring about changes I wanted to see in my life. It's a journey, not a quick fix. It takes a lot of work and practice. I found it to be very eye-opening and empowering. You may not be in a place to hear the message or do the work though as you are dealing with so much processing in the present with your therapist, so maybe tuck it away if and until you think it might be helpful. Just an option for your healing toolkit. Good luck.