I just.... ehhh

[Ms Priss]

I broke down and called a crisis hotline the other day. Did not really want to but anxiety was getting the best of me. When I am that anxious the last thing on my mind is using the tools I have. We basically just chatted awhile which was good for me and helped me to get grounded. Of course she asked the standard questions about self-harm or harming others which I understand.

I got lucky because she was very personable and nonthreatening. We also made an agreement that someone from their agency would call me every other day for the next week which I greatly appreciate.

It turned out to be a positive thing for me and am glad I did it...I suppose I could have suffered through it by myself...have done that enough in the past...I am getting better at reaching out for help!!!!

 

[Smile]

It is worth it to go to the ER, they do not always keep you, I have found so you depending on what you say...

Tks. I may try it. Maybe my bro can carve out some of his precious time to go with me tonight.
I'm not worth fighting for. Believe me. My life consists of nothing.

 

[ILoveLife]

Of course you're worth it. You're here, seeking help, fighting. Life is worth it.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I hope that your brother will take you, I am glad you might not go alone. I hope you find some good help to. If you do not believe you are worth it, then I will believe for you, until you can.:hug::hug:

 

[Smile]

Of course you're worth it. You're here, seeking help, fighting. Life is worth it.

I'm only fighting because it's a human instinct we were all born with.

I don't understand how some people/religion decide that suicide is bad and poof! It is.

I've been on this world for quite a while now and don't think I'd be missing much if I left it

 

[Smile]

Also, had T session. She apologized for it being available. Doesn't think I should ever admit myself, unless I'm seriously going to harm. She says they will just send me home or they'll take me for a bit and drug me up-> she said that as a negative. To me, it's a positive

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@Smile I was wondering what happened at the ER? What happened to help you to feel like this again, are you able to give more details so I can understand where this is coming from. What did a religious person say or do to you? :hug:

 

[Smile]

@Smile I was wondering what happened at the ER? What happened to help you to feel like...

I never ended up going into the ER. Sat outside it for an hour but I was too scared. It was night so I took a double dose of my sleeping pill, went home and felt manically better next day.

I impulsively booked a hotel for 2 days and that was good. Came back just in time for T session, aka real life. And so I'm back to feeling like I did.

Waiting for my "pill pusher" psychiatrist now.

Already took 12 mg of xanax today. Just trying to reach the numb mode.

I come from a religious family but no on has said anything about it to me. I was just talking about the world view in general

 

[ILoveLife]

I'm only fighting because it's a human instinct we were all born with.

I don't understand how some people/religion decide that suicide is bad and poof! It is.

I've been on this world for quite a while now and don't think I'd be missing much if I left it

I have suicidal ideation all the time, I'm not religious or slightly spiritual and I haven't decided suicide is bad.

I just think life is worth living, and also think that if you're asking for help is because you want it. You're fighting because you're human and have an instinct that tells you life is worth living. Bad days pass, life becomes bearable, bad days return, life becomes bearable again, it's a cycle we feel more than most, but in fact we learn how to appreciate life with what its got.

Who am I to say what your decision should be? I'm just saying you are worth it, just because you exist.